Hi, I've been a lurker for a little while but this is my first ever post.
I guess I'm looking for some wise words on how to handle a stressful situation without completely alienating my daughter. She is getting married (3rd time) later in the year. I've been invited to attend, I am the only member of her family that has been invited. Her father passed away some years back and she hasn't told her brother she is marrying again. It's a very small affair with little fuss but I'm just so stressed about the whole thing I feel sick. Because of the distance between us we keep in regular contact but don't normally see each other that often (even pre covid times). Her partner has kids from a previous relationship and seems to be kind but, since they have been together my daughter has suffered many mental health problems and has spiralled into debilitating depression to the extent that she rarely leaves the house. It concerns me that she has made an important life decision whilst she is unwell.
On the occasions I have met the partner they have dominated all conversations. They are very loud and like to be the centre of attention making it very difficult to get a word in edgeways and I can certainly forget having any private time alone with my daughter. During phone calls the partner listens in the background and it becomes a three way conversation with them chipping in & shouting over my daughter and I. Its so exhausting being in their company or even talking on the phone. When I last visited, my daughter generously insisted I stay with them. It was dreadful. We had no pivacy to talk, and I was bombarded by the partner the entire time. I sobbed my heart out at the sheer frustration and exhaustion when I got home. When they visited here it was mildly better but they still dominated every conversation.
I have asked my daughter if she is sure she wants to go ahead with the wedding and she insists she is happy and has found the right one.
The issue is I can't face being there; 1. I don't think it's the right person or right time for her. But I do realise I have to respect her decision. 2. My own mental health will suffer if I attend as I find the dynamics so upsetting and stressful. I know that for me I need to pull myself together, be honest and decline the invite but I don't want to risk losing my daughter.
I just don't know how to handle this.