Page 3 | Am I being too needy?

Embarrazed · 2021-07-30T15:16:18+00:00

So I’ve been dating this guy for a while. We see each other once a week due to work etc. When he’s at work we still talk throughout the day, sometimes he doesn’t reply back to me quite early on in the day. I try not to be too pushy because know he’s been stressed and then maybe the next day he’s quite keen and we have phone calls. When we’re together everything is fine. As I said I know he’s been stressed and quite sad really so I got him a surprise. He’s busy these next few weeks with family commitments etc so I told him about the present this morning. He just said something so bland like cute. Nothing else. He’s obviously ignored me as he’s been online basically all day at work. We don’t have to talk all day but not even a thank you or making an effort after my thoughtful gift. I think is quite rude. Am I being needy?

NoNotYou · 30/07/2021 17:53

You are coming across as a bit needy, but read that as wanting to get a response from someone thats all. TBH I think he's not that into you

thisgardenlife · 30/07/2021 17:59

@Embarrazed

I brought it up and he basically said he is busy. And will see me when he’s next available. I said it’s very telling that he’s fine with that

'And will see me when he's next available' ??? Honestly, that says it all. It's not a business meeting!

Please walk away. Take the first move and keep your dignity. End it now.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/07/2021 18:15

Don't even think about settling for the measly crumbs he's throwing your way. He's simply not worth it, no man is.

Original poster

Embarrazed · 30/07/2021 18:16

He said I’ll never be happy. I said if you cared about me you would want to see me before some time apart. Properly.

OP posts:

crimsonlake · 30/07/2021 18:16

Next available? that is so kind of him. If I was you I would damn well make sure I was very unavailable and take that gift back for a refund then spend the money on yourself.

Fustyoldface · 30/07/2021 18:20

Cold fish op that you should throw back. Please

TheFoundations · 30/07/2021 18:24

There's no such thing as 'too needy', and if anybody makes you feel like you are, ask yourself why you think they know better than you about what the 'right' level of neediness is.

There are no rules. You are precisely as needy as you have to be to get your needs met. YOUR needs. Nobody can tell you that you are right or wrong with regard to what you need. Those are your own emotions. We can't really control our emotions. If we could, we'd all fall in love with who we choose, and we would all choose to feel happy about work and the gym. All we can do is choose how to respond to our emotions.

So, quit doubting yourself. If someone makes you feel needy, what that basically means is that they're not meeting your needs. And two very important tricks for getting happy are a) surround yourself with people with whom you feel your emotions are valid and b) meet your own needs.

Minimise time with those with whom you feel your emotions are questionable. Like this guy.

clickychicky · 30/07/2021 19:09

Please don't waste any more energy on him. If he was right for you he'd be apologising for not being able to see you as he's busy but book something nice in now for when he can see you. He would want to see you. Initially I thought you did seem a bit needy but it seems to be in stark contrast to him being indifferent. Please value yourself. You have lots going for you in life and if I could tell my younger self anything it would be to not waste energy on people like this.

napody · 30/07/2021 19:25

@MouseTrapp

I understand where you're coming from OP. He seems to be withdrawing, not very invested in the relationship and blowing hot and cold. I think your set-up sounds right- seeing someone once a week because you have your dd the rest of the time IS a relationship, particularly if you chat in-between times. It's just the practicalities of relationships as a single working parent.

I would step right back. It doesn't sound like you're going to get a straight answer from him. Busy yourself with other things, maybe think about dating other people. If you keep contacting him he's just going to retreat further. If he comes back and this is just a short term stress/summer holidays thing then maybe keep seeing him. But if he's keeping you as a kind of option, to blow hot and cold with, then you're better off moving on.

Glad to see this sole comment pointing out that if one person works six days a week, and the other is a working single parent with their child six days a week, then one night and day a week together isn’t in itself a problem. The OP has repeatedly said that the once a week isn’t a problem. Agree with most that the other stuff doesn’t sound great, though.

ChiefInspectorParker · 30/07/2021 19:26

This reply has been withdrawn

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Sunshinesky1981 · 30/07/2021 19:41

Oh OP, you must feel like you don't know which way is up, so hugs to you.

With relationships I find it always helps to remind myself what I would want my partner to feel like -
Loved
Cherished
Important
Protected
Knowing someone is in their corner
Listened too
Happy
Secure

If you feel this is the way you want your partner to feel then you have to remember that YOU deserve to feel the same way. That's not being needy, that's the point of being in a healthy and happy relationship. It's so easy to loose track of what we deserve and doubt ourselves. A relationship should make you feel like this... when you get off the phone to them, or read a text you should be smiling to yourself not being filled with anxiety or self doubt . X

sunnyzweibrucken · 30/07/2021 21:13

MouseTrapp

I understand where you're coming from OP. He seems to be withdrawing, not very invested in the relationship and blowing hot and cold. I think your set-up sounds right- seeing someone once a week because you have your dd the rest of the time IS a relationship, particularly if you chat in-between times. It's just the practicalities of relationships as a single working parent.

I would step right back. It doesn't sound like you're going to get a straight answer from him. Busy yourself with other things, maybe think about dating other people. If you keep contacting him he's just going to retreat further. If he comes back and this is just a short term stress/summer holidays thing then maybe keep seeing him. But if he's keeping you as a kind of option, to blow hot and cold with, then you're better off moving on.

Glad to see this sole comment pointing out that if one person works six days a week, and the other is a working single parent with their child six days a week, then one night and day a week together isn’t in itself a problem. The OP has repeatedly said that the once a week isn’t a problem. Agree with most that the other stuff doesn’t sound great, though.

@napody I actually was going to comment on this, I agree. I dated someone who i saw once a week. I had a minor child and he and I lived about an hour from each other. we both had busy jobs and he also had a busy social life. So it worked for us. Sure I wish we could've squeezed in an extra day but I didn't feel like it was any less of a relationship than one where couples see each other daily, and it progressed just like any other relationship. I don't think the number of days that people spend together determine if a relationship is serious or not. I think quality time and overall happiness counts for much more.

newnortherner111 · 31/07/2021 08:54

I think the two of you have different needs and ideas about a relationship.

Cookiebox · 31/07/2021 10:44

Always always go with your gut instinct.
Don't be fooled or try to convince yourself you're needy. The truth is his words and actions don't match and he's not making you happy and content.
You're not a charity, you're not here for someone else to entertain.
You have a right to be happy, you have a right to plan your future with a partner who will put in 100%
If it's this crappy at the start it will not get any better, if anything it'll just get worse.

You are not needy you are just aware of your gut Instincts

Aprilx · 31/07/2021 11:04

@Embarrazed

He said I’ll never be happy. I said if you cared about me you would want to see me before some time apart. Properly.

And you are correct, your gut is correct.

My last boyfriend prior to meeting my husband travelled a lot (overseas) for work, he was in sales. For most of the time he was very focused on balancing his trips with seeing me. Then there was a time when he opted to not see me for maybe two weeks even though his work schedule would have allowed, but he made other plans. I noticed the difference and probably commented on it but ultimately went along with it. A few weeks after that he ended the relationship completely, it had been a sign after all.

SStopRaisingHim · 31/07/2021 15:28

He’s ‘really busy with work’, ‘stressed’, ‘family commitments’… best case scenario he’s being honest & he doesn’t have time for the type of relationship you want. Worst case he’s lying. Both are irrelevant.

Please respect yourself and your mental health enough to walk away.

OldEvilOwl · 02/08/2021 20:50

You need to take a massive step back. Don't contact him. What he does next will tell you everything you need to know

hellotesting123123 · 02/08/2021 22:04

Listen to your gut. In my experience once you start having these insecure feelings they are very difficult to pull back from. And they mean the other person isn't right for you.