Do I just accept it as it genuinely is best for DD? Would welcome your thoughts.

[Babymeanswashing]

DD was born very end of November so right in between lockdown 2 and 3. I’m now looking at back to work, and although we’ve done lots of coffee and baby classes and activities I’m still conscious she just hasn’t seen a wide range of faces and spaces yet.

So she’s in nursery FT. Originally the plan was to have her in the last 2 weeks of august part time. This was so I could get some work done (I’m a teacher) and gently transition her. Only this now isn’t happening, DP has suggested that he takes the first 2 weeks of September off and picks her up early so she isn’t doing those full days immediately.

DP has been WFH for ages and it’s fine but I actually feel so jealous that he’ll have two weeks in a quiet empty house and can do whatever he wants … sleep and read and watch whatever he wants and listen to loud music …

I’m being horribly petty I think but it feels unfair even though It’s not!

Your jealous of DP having time off. I don't get it tbh.
He can't help with night feeds if your BF.

I had my DD last May in lockdown 1. She went from seeing me every day to fulltime nursery (730-6pm) in April this year (so a bit older that your DD). The nursery did a 2 week settling in period and then it was straight to fulltime - and she was and is absolutely fine.

Your DH really doesn't need to take two weeks annual leave to pick her up early.... i suggest he keeps his leave for when she is sent home from nursery with whatever bug is going around that day and she needs to stay home - she'll pick up ALOT of germs in the first months - and he'll need to do the childcare as you're working.

Id have him take 2-3 days each week off and keep her home so she gets some rest days. When my son started school they had Wednesdays off for a month and a half and it really helped. I was lucky and could always go back to work part time for a couple of months before going full time so nursery was phased in as well.
Bonus your dh gets some full daddy days, so good for him, best plan for baby and might make you feel better too!
Then he can take some days off in half term too :)

See I honestly don’t feel it’s jealousy here. I would recognise that emotion. It’s something else. And I’m not sure what. It’s nothing to do with DP other than there’s a vague feeling I’m being pushed out of my home maybe? That’s as close as I can get to it. Haven’t got the words I don’t think!

DP has leave that needs using so we’ve decided on this, so I do appreciate the suggestions but we are doing this. It’s something else.

and i get the jealousy around his time off - i am in a similar position as my husband's work pattern means he's often off during the week (when kids are in nursery and i'm working) but he's working and away all weekends (so i do the parenting). I don't have the equivalent time off at all.

BUT he's really stepped up the past three weeks as one or both of the kids have been at home every day and off nursery due to bugs/germs etc and he's had to do the parenting while i work. so it does even out. Your husband will have to do the same.

I think this could work really well. DH took a month shared parental leave both times I went back to work and it was brilliant for all of us - I could focus on settling back to work without worrying about DDs in nursery, he got some one on one time with the babies which helped resettle a bit of the Parent A vs Parent B stuff that happens on maternity leave, and I genuinely think both DDs found it easier to settle into nursery with daddy dropping them off rather than mummy.

What about he takes two weeks off - your last week off so you can have some time together and he can give you a few afternoons off and a few lie ins, and then her first week at nursery so he can do the settling etc.

I totally get the envy of him having that kind of time off!

But you even said in your op that your so jealous of it.
Is it going back to work that's actually getting to you?

Are you the poster who wanted to do the 50% thing but her DH was telling her not to and lots of other posters then came on to say she was super selfish to want to leave her DD in nursery part time while she was on holiday?

Because if so, I remember that thread and was one of the posters who was telling you to go for the 50/50 thing and I remember being quite cross at your DH being unwilling and also all the posters who didn't seem to think you needed some time to yourself.

In this instance, taking 2 weeks off to fetch her a bit early seems totally ridiculous but if he's got leave etc, fine. HOWEVER.... what is he going to do to help you get a bit of time at home alone? eg, perhaps he could take the last week of August off and commit to taking DD out every single day so that you get time to chill at home? And then one week in September to help her settle in. Or is there no way she can start nursery in August so that you can get some downtime and your DH goes to the office or goes to work somewhere else?

Also it’s probably the realisation that this is what’s going to happen for the next decade or so.

@Babymeanswashing

See I honestly don’t feel it’s jealousy here. I would recognise that emotion. It’s something else. And I’m not sure what. It’s nothing to do with DP other than there’s a vague feeling I’m being pushed out of my home maybe? That’s as close as I can get to it. Haven’t got the words I don’t think!

DP has leave that needs using so we’ve decided on this, so I do appreciate the suggestions but we are doing this. It’s something else.

It's the fact that DH seems to be quite willing to do things that "help" while they also help him, but you don't seem to have that option. You have to have DD at all times without any respite, or be working.

If dd hasn't had much exposure to other people yet she will have zero immunity to all the childhood bugs that abound at nursery. Your DH should save some leave for the inevitable sick days that will happen. Off the top of my head mine caught coughs and colds, with associated chest infections, ear infections and tonsillitis, sickness bugs, hand food and mouth (I'd never heard of that pre dcs), slapped cheek, conjunctivitis and chicken pox also went round (mine are vaccinated so avoided that). For the first term it felt like they were off more than they were in. Hopefully with strict covid hygiene rules in place things will be better, but just prepare yourself for a lot of bugs (and you will catch them too!).

Do you maybe just miss your holidays?

If you were a teacher for a while then you'd have got used to having chunks of time to yourself and it will have been a shock always having someone around in our time off, even if you love those someones very much.

Unfortunately that's parenthood. I went away for a night a few years ago when I realised I hadn't had a night to myself, just me, for 12 years. It was just one night (with a day either side) but it was really refreshing.

It's ok to carve time out for yourself if you need it, even if other people don't need it and can't understand why you do.

You will need to carve it out though. The time where it was just part of your normal is gone (for the next decade or so anyway).

I don’t think so (missing the holidays.) I mean I’ve always been a teacher so I’ve always had them, they aren’t really a novelty to me.

Thing is DP would go for the 50% option if I really pushed it but then I have to ask myself what I’d do and not sure. I think that’s where the problem lies as I’d normally potter about at home and can’t do that!

Why can’t you potter about at home?

I WFH and my OH potters to his hearts content on his weeks off.

Are you saying that even if she was in nursery and you were off work, you would still not feel able to relax and have time to yourself because he’s working from home? Because then the problem is he’s WFH all the time.

If it’s just about these two weeks then couldn’t you both take a week each? Last week of aug and first week of sept? It just sounds like you’ve lost your last two weeks of august because he wants the time off instead in September when you are back at work.

No, but presumably not having the place to yourself during the day is a novelty and not a welcome one.

Is your Dh ever likely to go back to the office? If not can he arrange alternative workspace occasionally?

Pretty much, yeah.

Are you the same poster who’s OH has to work in the main living space and had no other available office space?

I use this name so if you do an AS that’ll answer that. I talk a lot on here so no idea what I have and haven’t said DP works in the middle of the house but tbh that’s not really what I’m about here. I’m not necessarily looking for WFH solutions. Perhaps I am grieving going back to work and maybe from DPs perspective I’ve had all this lovely time off. And of course I have. But as I’ve said the thing is with DPs work is that he’s fairly free to do what he wants when he wants with it, he sticks to regular office hours mostly where he’s in theory available but actually is bouncing all over the place.

Sometimes it does make me feel as ive said a bit pushed out and it does make me wonder about the future tbh. I mean for instance I’m a bit worried about ending up with a very spoilt toddler because whenever she shouts I’ll come running as can’t be too noisy. Or if I’m with the wrong person because I find it tough. But I have had odd thoughts since DD anyway so might just be that.

If he can’t work because your child is there the she needs to be in nursery.

You don’t want to change his WFH set up but you have a problem with it, that’s. It going to change.

If you are worried about your odd thoughts then have you got real life friends you can confide in?

*that isn’t going to change.

I am so sorry but I really don’t understand that post at all.

Probably a daft thread, just me moaning teachers are good at that!

I hear you!

My dp works shifts, which means he sometimes ends up with 3 or 4 days off during the week. I never get time at by myself home without children here. I'm either working or looking after dc. 2 weeks annual leave with dc in nursery sounds like absolute bliss.

My annual leave gets used up with covering the school holidays so I can't take time off term time.

Dp often works weekend so it's frequently I a week of work and straight into a weekend of solo childcare. Where as he's had a few days at home all by himself. He will make sure house is clean, meals are prepped, grass cut and other odd jobs done but I still manages Netflix time and a bike ride too.

I think you’ve actually explained really well what the issue is there @Invisimamma !

It isn’t his fault he works shifts but because of it he sort of gets the golden ticket - same here.