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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

End of first holiday . Can I have your opinions please?

58 replies

wordrobber · 30/07/2021 09:03

I had another thread about the start of the weeks holidays. We're now nearing the end of it .
It's our first weeks holiday after a year together. We live apart , divorced each with kids, busy stressful jobs. Normally see each other eow for full weekend and an overnight during the alt weekend.
We get on brilliantly . He is caring considerate and attentive . Our sex life is lovely . Normally intimate on each night we are together .
However ... we've spent six days together . He is absolutely shattered . Sleeping a lot , irregular sleep pattern which is normal for him, dozing. He also has a chronic lung condition with leaves him breathless on minimal exertion and is unfit . He is also 2 stone overweight. This al has a bearing on his tiredness and dropping off a few times throughout the day , every day.
We have had sex twice and he seems to have no interest in sex and frankly no energy . He is as affectionate and caring as always .
We've discussed this and have accepted that we need separate rooms for when he cannot sleep during night or wakes up at his. Usual time of 4am. We go to bed together and he comes back to bed in the morning at a decent hour .
Sexually he says he is conscious of our lack of activity and it has nothing to do with attraction or me but it does feel awful for me. He has been willing to accept oral sexual twice but no reciprocation so I've just stopped doing that .
I understand the insomnia, ill health but I guess I had our first holiday built up in my mind and it's been disappointing from those two perspectives .
We do nice things each day but also laze around. No drinking to speak of and are both late forties .
Can you give me your objective opinions on this week please ?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 30/07/2021 14:35

@Iwonder08

Actually, I think you are right to be concerned. First holiday together, should be passionate and romantic...and he doesn't sound either. I would reassess the relationship based on that,perhaps you are not compatible
Passionate and romantic doesn't habe to mean penis and tongues in orifices.
Dixiechickonhols · 30/07/2021 14:44

He’s ill with a chronic condition. You sound like you would be better with a young guy bloke with lots of stamina. I used to have a serious respiratory condition. Best way of describing it is like having flu - no energy for anything. If you can’t breathe it affects everything. It’s hard to lose weight as you can’t exercise. Think how much you fancy sex when you’re ill (you don’t)

Iwonder08 · 30/07/2021 15:08

@sleepingstandingup perhaps it doesn't mean that, but that is what OP wants! It is perfectly valid desire to have a satisfying sex. The bloke for whatever reason doesn't want to have sex in the way OP wants. Given she posted twice about this issue it is clearly important for her hence my suggestion to reassess the relationship

Jerseygirl12 · 30/07/2021 15:15

Maybe if you hadn’t of done the two blow jobs you would have PIV more.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/07/2021 15:16

I'm not disputing her right to dump him, i agree. Buy she hasn't said the sex wasn't satisfying, she hasn't said it wasn't romantic. She's just said she expects more sex. Fair enough but she's not THAT I'm love with him if holidays with only sex twice in 6 days when she knows work has been hard is making her question their future

MuckyPlucky · 30/07/2021 15:31

I didn’t read the first thread but seems to me you’re conflating two issues here. What you perceive as the sex issue seems to actually be about your wider fears about whether you’re mis-matched in terms of general stamina/health/energy levels/sleep needs.

The way you detail the above areas as problematic, and the way you describe his bejng overweight, makes me suspect you actually find these issues hugely problematic (and perhaps find these a turn-off?) If so, I think you’re asking here for “permission”’to end the r’ship by hoping MN-ers will come on here saying LTB.

SmileyClare · 30/07/2021 15:34

You've been seeing his "best self" when meeting up every other weekend for sex.

Now you're seeing each other warts and all after spending a whole week together.

He sounds like a decent man who you rub along well with, he ticks a lot of boxes for you. However, he doesn't have the energy or stamina you have. That won't change and could get progressively worse if his condition is chronic.

Perhaps you feel a bit rejected? You need regular sex to feel wanted or loved?

Talk to him, discuss your concerns over his health (if you are concerned Confused) and find out how you both want this to progress.

It sounds as though you want to carry on meeting up once a fortnight for sex, so see if he's on board with that casual set up.

Catlover1970 · 30/07/2021 17:12

Might be better enjoying your holiday than recounting your sex sessions to strangers.

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