I don’t know if anyone remembers but I thought I would put a little update.
Background: my partner and I have a now 3 year old. I have suffered with years of abuse, some physical, mostly emotional and have been told in the past that if I report it she will just say I hit her.
I was basically in a situation where if I left the house, if I was a few minutes late from work or didn’t answer the phone I would be constantly accused of cheating (never did) and she was aggressive with me and baby (social services where not interested)
Anyway.
I diagnosed (I’m a medic) her with having BPD / EUPD. I got her into to therapy and she started on meds which has made a night and day difference.
She is much much better with the baby now. The abuse towards me as in large part stopped.
She feels much calmer in herself and generally is in a better place. She is actually happy for the first time in her life.
I have reduced my work three days a week (ages ago) I so that she does not have to look after the baby for more than 2 to 3 days at maximum on her own As this is really in the babies best interest and safety. More than that and she gets frustrated and aggressive with the baby.
I did do something I was not proud of which I have not done before. I had come home from work a couple of months ago and she started saying she does not care if I sleep with someone else but she was piss drunk and the baby was asleep, she passed out due to the alcohol and so I used her finger to open her phone and found she had been on tinder and had unprotected sex with one of the guys.
Which to be honest has not upset me as much as you would expect as it’s far less trauma then the other stuff she has done to me.
I confronted her a few weeks later, she denied it for a long time but then finally came clean.
I still get the odd accusations if something clicks in her mind but overall I have for the first time in 4 years had some degree of pice in my house.
Our baby is growing up to a wonderful little girl. She spends several days a week with me at my parents house who I go to visit on my days off as they spoil us both.
I asked her to start making a Financial contribution towards the house by way of putting money in a bank account for the baby for her future education as I pay for everything and in generally struggle due to this. She is a nurse and gets to keep most of what she earns.
She was not happy about this but did agree. She has not actually put any money into an account but hopefully will soon.
Long and short of it is things are much better. Still not ideal but better.