Is my partner autistic?

[Ingloriousbasterd]

We're on holiday and in all honesty, he's been an absolute nightmare. The first two days he was having panic attacks and feeling anxious about being here and the third day had a melt down saying he didn't want to come on this holiday, there's nothing for him to do...he wants to go home. I told him I'd book him a ticket home and I'd stay with the children ..took them for a walk whilst he cooled off and by the time I got back he said he was going to stay with us. We're on day 5 now and he's mentioned going home tomorrow a couple of days earlier, asking me to call family and see if they will get us!!! He's still anxious. I understand missing your own bed but his behaviour just seems weird! I am looking forward to going home and getting back into routine, but it's like he can't cope at all with being away from home. I've had to do all the ordering of food/talking to people because he says he feels uncomfortable doing it (he will if he really has too) He's always been like this but it's really noticeable This week. Any ideas? I considered maybe he has undiagnosed autism because I have family members that have similar traits..

He's your partner but you've never been away with him before or are you saying this is the first time in your relationship he's acted like this? Perhaps he suffers from an anxiety disorder and feels overwhelmed. If I was with someone who was suffering panic attacks and wanted to leave I would obviously do everything I could to help and buy a ticket if that's what's needed. He needs to get some help OP if it's getting worse, like visiting his GP and discussing his options. But for the time being, I would let him go home.

We haven't been away since pre children, and when we did go it was with family. So this is our first holiday together, we've done nights away but never a week (never been able to afford it)

The only person who can tell you this is a qualified professional - not some random person on the Internet.

Possibly social anxiety?

Has he always been anxious about change?
Has covid been particularly hard for him?
How old are your DC?
Does he have any other autism symptoms?

@AlfonsoTheMango

You could argue that for most the threads on MN really!

Sounds more social anxiety - could be to do with the whole covid situation that has just made him feel a bit uneasy being on holiday or could it be stress due to work related issues etc?

Autism needs to be diagnosed by professionals so if he feels it is that he best to chat to his GP to get a referral X

He's like it with work aswell, he doesn't like to socialise

Posted too quick, he struggles with socialising ...won't go to the work Xmas party and things like that, but will do things with his lifelong friends x

Starting to think maybe it is social anxiety x

Maybe he is. What does he think?

I'm autistic. I don't go away for more than 3 nights for this very reason. The need to come home and back to familiar surroundings is great!

But no one here can diagnose and what you've given isn't enough for a diagnosis. Have you spoken to him about possible autism?

Does he have any other autism symptoms?

They're traits, not symptoms. Autism isn't an illness

Not coping well with change in usual routine and being so anxious about being in social situations...there isn't really one size fits all with autism I suppose and everyones traits would differ. I wasn't asking for a diagnosis, I was asking for opinions... perhaps from somebody With autism or from somebody that has a partner that has been diagnosed x

This is really helpful x

I know very little about autism but this sounds like social anxiety to me as well. The dreading social situations unless you know the people really well and dreading works Xmas dos etc. If it's bad enough to be spoiling the holiday he needs to see the GP and get some help. Maybe if you can get him to open up to you he'll relax enough to stay on holiday. If he does please don't minimise his fears as he probably knows it's irrational. He may not know what he's afraid of or why which makes it even more scary. But just knowing you're on his side could help.

Hi, I used to get this anxiety too many years ago. I could only go away for no more than 3 nights. I just wanted to get back home even after the first night away. Never really understood it. I do not have traits of autism or any other spectrum disorder I just get bored really quickly and find it stressful when I am bored. I am mid 50s now and have grown out of it now. I have had times of being diagnosed with GAD (general anxiety disorder) but in time that has gone and I am far more settled now. It could be just anxiety that a trip to the GP can help with.

@AlfonsoTheMango

The only person who can tell you this is a qualified professional - not some random person on the Internet.

It's difficult to get fast access to a qualified professional. Folk on mumsnet may have useful insight and advice based on their own experience. It's perfectly sensible to do both of course.

Someone with social anxiety can look exactly like someone with Autism. The difference is what is driving the behaviour. Having said that, people with Autism often have social anxiety as part of their traits.

Your DP needs to work out what is making him stressed, then you can find solutions to make the last few days work.

You said this is his first time awaysince having dcs. Maybe he feels overwhelmed with having to mind dcs on hols, considering their routine, not being able to fully relax. Especially if he finds work stressful as well. Going on hols with dc can be tough. You can't walk for miles as they don't have the energy. They may only eat certain foods. You have to watch them while they play on a beach. If you go out for food, they get bored between courses.

I used to love hols pre dc. Since having them, I find hols harder than being at home. I have a stressful job, and going on hols can tip me over the edge. Due to covid we are staying at home for my 2 weeks away from work and I am getting some bit of rest.

@NotPersephone

What is it about his behaviour that makes you think specifically of autism OP? As opposed to just maybe anxiety, agoraphobia, depression, etc?

Because to me it just sounds like another “DP is getting in my tits - is he autistic?” thread. And shortly everyone will pile in saying oooh yeah my X is spectrummy and he’s a twat as well.

Nothing whatsoever in your thread suggests autism specifically OP.

"just" anxiety, agorophobia or depression? Autism isnt rare

It's difficult to get fast access to a qualified professional. Folk on mumsnet may have useful insight and advice based on their own experience. It's perfectly sensible to do both of course.

What nonsense. The only person who can diagnose is a qualified professional.

@AlfonsoTheMango

It's difficult to get fast access to a qualified professional. Folk on mumsnet may have useful insight and advice based on their own experience. It's perfectly sensible to do both of course.

What nonsense. The only person who can diagnose is a qualified professional.

Agreed. But so so so many on MN think autism is easy to diagnose.

And the fact that in speculating about whether someone is autistic, a great deal of offence can be caused doesn’t matter here either. “Autistic people, especially adults without learning difficulties, deserve all they get because they’re such arseholes to neurotypicals” seems the be the preferred mantra.

OP - nobody but a qualified professional can give your partner or you an answer and many people here need to realise that.