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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Its never feels good enough...

68 replies

MoscowRule · 28/07/2021 08:14

Hi Everyone

Me and my DW are late 30s no children. Lockdown has been tough. It was her birthday yesterday. I guess I get very stressed and anxious around this time. I worry about what I am going to get her and what we will do. I always feel its never enough, or its not good enough

This year I got up early before work, and covered the dining room where she is working in balloons, banners etc. I bought her cut flowers, and also some pot plants that can go in the garden afterwards as she is a keen gardener. I got some champagne, and four presents and laid them all out of the table for when she came down. We went out for a relaxed dinner in the evening and then I have booked a weekend away for next week.

In the evening someone on a chat group which we are both on asked if she had got cake. I replied saying no I forgot, took a picture of what I had done and said "but I did do all this..just forgot the cake". My DW turned round and said that "stop taking credit for all of it" to which I said "what do you mean". She said "those birthday cards aren't all from you".. which was true. But 95% of everything else was me. I didnt want to correct her or saying anything because it would have been boasting I guess

I guess I'm used to it now, but part of me felt pretty dejected. She knew as well as 5 minutes later she was telling me how wonderful everything was. But I know deep down what her true feelings are. It may seem trivial, but its repeated over and over. The champagne was Aldi own brand which according to her "didnt taste as good as the Bollinger that her and her sister had been drinking the night before". And the cut flowers "you only buy those because they are the cheapest". Her upbringing was well off, mine wasn't. My parents were poor and argued about money the whole time. Its had an impact on me.

Some days I think I don't want to be in this relationship. We haven't had sex for years. But part of me (maybe subconsciously) thinks that she is right and that I am a sub par partner. And when I have those thoughts I just think that staying is easier..

I dont really know what Im asking... maybe I just needed a vent. It made me sad just writing this

OP posts:
Bumpsadaisie · 28/07/2021 13:38

Why are you putting up with being made to feel worthless?

It's probably what she feels about herself - projected into you. People do that when they prefer to disavow something than face it.

There are lot of worthlessness around in your relationship but it might not be all yours - so don't feel you have to pick up that coat and put it on.

Buggritbuggrit · 28/07/2021 14:19

OP have you posted about your relationship before? I apologise if it wasn’t you, but this sounds extremely similar to another post I’ve seen fairly recently. And, if so, the responses you get now will be the same as those you got then. Your partner is a nasty bully. There is absolutely no reason to put up with it.

Themadcatparade · 28/07/2021 14:37

She sounds entitled and she’s 100% taking you for granted.

This is very high maintenance of her to act like that! You sound very sweet and thoughtful and that’s what should matter, not that you’ve thrown a load of money in to her. It kind of sounds like you step on eggshells a little to please her as well? That’s not a great way to live

ahoyshipmates · 28/07/2021 14:53

She's sounding worse and worse the more you post.

She says that under no circumstances does she want to split
Oh really? How come she gets to make all the decisions? You can split up if you are unhappy in the relationship, you don't need her permission to leave.

and that I will carry my issues into the next relationship
Ah yes, that old chestnut. Making you think that you are a failure and that no-one else would want you. Charming.

AtticusHoysAnus · 28/07/2021 15:06

Leave the bastard.

CagneyNYPD · 28/07/2021 15:17

The fact that you get so anxious in the run up to her birthday tells you all you need to know. This marriage is not right for you. She is not The One.

Luckily, you can get out. No children involved makes it much easier. As does financial independence.

Splitting up will allow both of you to move on and find happiness. Neither of you are happy. Do you really want this for the next 40 years?

CagneyNYPD · 28/07/2021 15:18

Oh and she doesn't get to decide if you stay in the marriage. That is your decision.

Rosesareredd · 28/07/2021 15:24

It does sound like an unhappy relationship, the fact you’re in your 30’s and haven’t had sex for years would be enough for me to leave the marriage.

NotTheMrMenAgain · 28/07/2021 15:56

Oh OP, you poor thing! This isn't right, it's not right at all! In your 30's and not exhausted from having kids and only been married for three years? I'd expect it to still be fun times and sex all the way!

Listen to me please - from what you've described your DW is a nasty piece of work who takes pleasure from putting you down, niggling and nit-picking at you. She's ungrateful and will find fault with anything by the sound of her. You were anxious in the run up to her birthday - presumably because you knew that whatever you did wouldn't be good enough? That's not normal!

Who are these women she knows, who demand and receive foreign holidays and expensive jewellery? I don't know anyone like that - she must move in different circles to a lot of us!

You did a lovely thing for her birthday and she put you down in front of friends - because she enjoys putting you down. Many, many people would be thrilled to have a partner who cared so much and made an effort. I really don't think it's about you so much, as it's about her and her crazy, unrealistic expectations. Perhaps she has issues of her own, but she's dragging you down and in essence she sounds unpleasant.

You say your mental heath is poor yet you can't even talk to her about it? That would be the end of the whole thing for me, right there. A partner is supposed to be in your corner, supporting you and cheering you on, not someone you can't be honest with because they'll tell you to 'get over it'. She isn't the right person for you. Have you considered that your mental health is shot because of her? Living with her and trying to be 'good enough' for her?

I'm 45 and left a long, sexless marriage last summer - he had emotionally withdrawn a few years earlier and I'd been miserable because of the lack of closeness and he started nit-picking and looking down on me. Turns out the dynamic had changed because he'd been having affairs and his shitty attitude was his way of coping by making it all my fault. Anyway, I mention this because after telling him to leave it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders - I could breathe and be my real self again. I hadn't realized just how stressful it had been trying to live with him when he was looking down on me and basically treating me with contempt. I sort of squashed myself down to try and fit his expectations - but I was never going to be good enough - and once I'd got him out of the house I felt like a butterfly unfurling it's wings. It felt fabulous! Now my DC is happy and I have a wonderful boyfriend who I adore and who loves me like I've never known. So you never know what's around the corner.

Sorry I'm rambling on, but I wonder if you're in a similar position? Imagine how you'd feel - after the initial trauma and upset of a split had worn off a bit - when you were able to live freely, with no fear of being put down or criticised or squashed down? Imagine possibly meeting someone else, who'd cherish you and the fun you might have together.....

You're still so young, the world is literally at your feet. You can have any future you want - a happy life, kids if you want, fun times - but you have to make that future and I don't think it'll be possible with this woman.

You both earn well and have no kids making it more complicated, so my advice would be to split - run and find the future you want and deserve away from this unhealthy and sad dynamic. It sounds like she manipulates you and you take the path of least resistance, but she's not in charge of you and get to decide if you want to stay in the marriage.

Umberellatheweatha · 28/07/2021 16:02

Well if course SHE doesn't want to leave the relationship, she is not the one being treated like shit.

Seriously, ditch the bitch.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 28/07/2021 16:22

From reading the first paragraph of your post, about how anxious and worried you were that the birthday stuff wouldn't be good enough, I knew she was abusing you.

Why do I put up with it? I think my Dad has been somewhat abused by my Mum for most of their relationship.

It is very very common for children who grow up seeing one parent abuse the other, to end up with an abuser.

You'd think, why, surely that would make them run a mile? No, because the abuse feels familiar, it feels safe and even comforting. Additionally, your boundaries and self-respect are often fucked and where a person with a healthy relationship model would likely have told the abuser to fuck off before they got too far into dating.

Your wife is emotionally abusing you. Please read this:
www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/arguing-and-conflict/what-emotional-abuse

And this:
www.muchnessmama.com/identifying-types-of-abusive-men/

The latter link makes an assumption that it's a male abuser of a female, please don't let that put you off as the information is very relevant. (She sounds like a Drill Sergeant type)

She has ground you down for years to the point you are needing medical intervention for depression. If you stay in this marriage you will end up an empty shell of the person you should be.

I sense you might be not ready for that step yet. Can you access some counselling - just for you, not joint. Most counsellors are doing phone or video call appointments - you could do them while you're at work so she wouldn't know. A good counsellor can help you sort out the confusion in your mind (which your abuser is causing.) Then can also talk through your options with you and look at your fears around leaving ("You'll take all your issues with you" - a very common abuser thing, to make you think you'll be forever alone if you go.)

Keep posting. Although MN is primarily aimed at women, there are lots of posters on the Relationships board who are very knowledgeable about emotional abuse (and many of us of course have lived through it.) Good luck OP, you deserve so much better than this.

NotTheMrMenAgain · 28/07/2021 16:38

EvenMoreFuriousVexation that's a brilliant post, so much more helpful and informative than I managed - I really hope the OP takes your good advice.

SixesAndEights · 28/07/2021 17:04

She's horrible, and I agree with the other poster who said Aidi fizz is regularly voted one of the best.

Why do you stay with her OP? I should imagine your depression will lift quite considerably once you've left her to her own nasty devices and you're making a more positive life for yourself free of her bullying.

Wheretobuy · 28/07/2021 17:08

Ditch this bitch. Hmm
You filled a room with presents and arrangements and she is saying you are taking credit of it all she is deliberately bringing you down.

FifteenToes · 28/07/2021 18:23

Mate, she sounds truly horrible. Anyone with a modicum of good upbringing and consideration for others knows about basic things like not commenting on the financial value of a gift. She's either so badly socialised that she doesn't know those things (and so obtuse that she hasn't learnt them on her own), or is saying them in full awareness to be hurtful or exert control, play mind games or whatever.

No kids. No sex. Why in f*'s name is there even a question about this?

BaronessOfTheNorth · 28/07/2021 18:50

It sounds to me like you're both unhappy. From her comment to you about the restaurant it comes across that she feels unheard by you and she feels like she's missing out on a better life.

I think the cake thing was set up; I think she's been complaining to her friends about you. I'd never ask someone if they got one specific thing in a group chat with their husband (coincidentally the thing they didn't receive....).

She's definitely not going about it the right way in how she's saying it.

I'd suggest counselling (as you're not communicating effectively with each other about what you want and what you need) or if you don't want to go that way, end it.

StartingAgain33 · 28/07/2021 19:58

Oh dear, feeling bad now. Once got annoyed with boyfriend who had booked us very budget flights to France and refused to pay the extra tenner or so so we could sit together. I then had to pay half for our crappy Airbnb even tho he said he would take us on holiday. He also booked the flight on my actual birthday at an awkward late hour as it was rhe cheapest slot and didn't stay with me night before so I woke up, on my own, then met him at the airport. He gave me a baseball cap I would never wear and a crap card which joked about being tesco value and I got upset with him, which didn't start the holiday well. To be fair for me it summed up his attitude to me, and I was feeling insecure and not very loved which was probably why it hurt. He would never have thought of a cake, I bought myself a chocolate bar from pret!

DoodleBelle · 28/07/2021 20:14

On the surface, she sounds like an ungrateful bully.

However I am also wondering why if you’re earning 6 figures, you’re buying Aldi champagne and cheap flowers. That wouldn’t make me feel like a priority given your circumstances.

You need to talk to her about how you feel and ask her about how she is feeling. Seems like there’s good and bad on both sides.

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