Devastated. Other woman and says he never loved me

[ilikeeggs]

I’m so hurt and sad right now.

Been with my partner for 12 years, 2 kids and was supposed to get married earlier this year but cancelled the wedding due to covid.

Ive suspected something was going on for a while as I could see he was constantly messaging someone and was glued to his phone and wouldn’t let it out of his sight.
I finally found the courage to confront him over it this morning and he admitted he’s been talking to a woman and he’s fallen for her though apparently haven’t been meeting up. The woman is someone from his past but hasn’t seen in person for a long time.

There has been problems in the relationship for a long time but I foolishly thought he still had feelings for me. He then said he’s never been in love with me and shouldn’t have ever started a relationship with me but was in a bad place at the time after his first marriage ended. I’m just so hurt by this. We’ve been together 12 years! I believe he’s telling the truth as he said he wishes I could find another man so I guess he doesn’t have feelings for me.
I don’t know what to do, I just feel sick and can’t stop crying.
I’m in a terrible position too as I’m a Sahm after the youngest was born last year and we aren’t married.
If the kids weren’t here I’d probably do something stupid.

Get legal advice about your house. You need to ensure when he leaves (& it’s when not if), you and your DC are not left homeless.

Check benefits.

Start applying for jobs and putting away as much money as possible that you can manage. Take as much money as you can and squirrel it away starting now. You’ll need funds for childcare, bills, food everything.
I’d use his being affectionate to get money out of him.

Apply for CMS when you’re ready, if he has a job he has no option but to pay for the DC.

Definitely get your ducks in a row. But don’t believe he has any loyalty or kindness towards you. He was telling you he never loved you and wanted to leave you a few days ago, he was saying he shouldn’t have had dc with you. Remember that don’t forget what he’s capable of.

A friends ex did very similar he came back pretending he loved her didn’t mean it was having a breakdown etc. Got her to sign over their property to his name and some assets. Cleared out the joint account and left.

Be really careful.

It could be that she's dumped him - all got too real

I think he needs to move out for a while, whilst you sort out your thinking on this. Do you want to be with someone who is prepared to go to the lengths of saying he never loved you? Even though it's not likely to have been true, he still said it knowing what an impact it will have. Be very wary, and get yourself the time and space you need to really think and make your own decisions

Regardless of what you eventually decide to do, continue to get legal advice about the house, support, etc. Also apply for some jobs. Stop doing anything for him.

You could even be flip about it and agree with him saying the relationship has run its course.

It would send a clear message you're not about to take any bs from him.

I agree with the poster above, say you agree it’s run it’s course and ask him to move out.

@Fustyoldface

I agree with the poster above, say you agree it’s run it’s course and ask him to move out.

Totally agree. He thinks he can just tread water with you til she is free. AND as if his intentions arent bad enough, he has been unnecessarily cruel.

All the best op, a friend I know, I suspect may end up with a similar situation with her dh,

I think it's such a cruel thing to tell someone you've never loved them after being together years. My ex- boyfriend told me earlier this year that he'd never been in love with me after 5 years together. I couldn't believe it, was shocked and devastated and am only beginning to see the light now, six months later. I don't see how you can continue on a relationship after someone says this to you. I would feel there's no going back.

What MarkRuffaloCrumble said!!