During covid my mental health plummeted and I became really unwell not being able to sleep or eat.I got meds and I'm now much better but I feel unnerved but the way my partner acted.
Although he was supportive sometimes, my partner often made me feel like a burden by rolling his eyes if he was about to eat and I needed a hug or not wanting me to lie close to him in bed when I needed a cuddle if he was tired. I understand it can be wearing for another person to try to support someone going through such an intense time but it didn't always feel that he was kind.
When I was at my lowest he just found out he'd missed out on a job so he was pretty devastated. I reached out for support and he was unwilling or unable to provide it. Sighing heavily when I was upset and eye rolling etc. I reached out to my friends because I desperately needed a friendly face though it was right in the middle of lockdown so technically I was not supposed to see them indoors. My friends immediately took me into their house when they saw how bad I was feeling. DP messages not to ask how I was but to state 'you must be really cold sitting outside their house' knowing full well I must've gone in.
When I returned home I tried to explain that I felt like a burden so had needed to be with friends but he was annoyed and in the end I decided to return to my friends house who felt like more of a 'safe space' at a time when I was feeling so rotten. He told me I shouldn't go and that he would call the police as it broke 'covid rules' (he actually began to dial before my friends showed up to pick me up and convince him to let me come have some space)
It's only now my mental health has settled that I feel so angry about this. DP says his own mental health was rock bottom/ he was trying to keep me safe/ he didn't know what else to do. I can't help thinking that even at my lowest point I still wouldn't have been as cruel as to deny him support when he needed it. He is adamant I'm twisting the story and I'm not 'remembering it right' which upsets me more as it denies my feelings and also get me doubting myself and how I feel about it. Am I overreacting here? Does it seem as bad to others as if fees to me? He hasn't stopped trying to tell me that my version is wrong but the only truth I have is my own and my feelings.