I am so frustrated that I am unsure how to verbalise how I'm feeling!
I've discussed my relationship before and I know the general consensus was I should leave!
I'm fed up of many things; partner is useless, a snob, unsupportive, selfish, addicted to his phone and Xbox (although this decreased when I said I was not putting up with him on Xbox until 3am then sleeping until 1pm whilst I looked after our baby).
He constantly interrupts me and walks away whilst I'm talking to him. Drinks every night (for his back pain) and is someone who is loud and talks over me and shouts at me if we argue. I had an alcoholic father who I watched smash up our house, so I hate this behaviour.
He belittles things I do and he starts arguments with me about pointless things because he doesn't listen. A recent (and boring example)...
I was watching a show with my eldest in the games room, which is underneath the toddlers room and toddler was due to go to bed (he has put him to bed about 8 times in 2 years).
So I text him
Me: let me know if the TV is too loud (it was our sons bedtime and I heard him go upstairs, so I assumed he was taking him to bed)
Him: I'm just waiting for it to quiet down before I take him up.
Me: ok, so do I need to turn the TV down?
Him: how am I supposed to know, I'm not up there.
Me: sorry I thought you were upstairs and you said you couldn't take him to bed until it went quiet. So shall I turn the TV down?
Him: how the hell am I supposed to know if it's loud upstairs when I'm not up there why are you being difficult...
This conversation continued and he still thought I was an idiot. His problem is that he doesn't listen to a word I say.
We have many issues but here is one of the biggest. Our living situation. When we met I was living with my DS from my previous marriage and partner was back living at his dad's house following his divorce 8 years earlier. I then got pregnant, it wasn't planned but we loved each other and wanted another child so decided to live together. It was a huge arguement with much stress as he wanted us to live at his dad's house (6 bed house and his dad lives abroad half the year). However due to its location traffic is awful so I'd have had to quit my job, change my son's school and my son wouldn't see his dad during the week (his dad has always been great and consistent). My partner on the other hand works from home largely and when he does work, it was closer from my home than his previous home. He also complained he wouldn't see his friends so much (he's 51) but they live 20 mins away anyway, we can never get them out and if my partner does want to go out with them he can stay at his dad's. He basically told me at the time that I should move where he wants because he has the money, my son should move schools and I can be friends with his friends wives.
Anyway, he provided no support through a difficult pregnancy, so I wasn't going to move with him. I will say at this point that his dad's house and where I live are only 40 mins apart, so he can go there anytime.
He messed me around my whole pregnancy with living arrangements and eventually we rented a house so I could still take my son to school (1.5 hour drive each day for the school run) and closer to the motorway so he could go back to the family home. I packed and moved (including lifting king sized mattresses and dismantling bed) alone at 36 weeks pregnant and he turned up with an overnight bag.
Anyway. We've now been together 4 years and things have settled in some ways but not perfect. I struggle to let go of how he treated me in the past. We've now been told we have to move out of our house and find somewhere else. There is a huge shortage of properties and prices are very high at the moment. Meaning £1600 a month to rent. He earns a lot more than me, so will be paying the rent. I pay the bills. I offer to work more but he'd rather I be at home with the child because he can earn more than me (but only works 10 hrs a week).
As soon as we found out we had to move out, he started going on that we should move back to his dad's because we can live there rent free. Now I understand that is great, however he is obsessed with the family home. I've tried explaining that we only live 40 mins away from there (we go back there most weeks), I've also told my partner in a few years when my eldest leaves comp, I will live wherever he wants. I've discussed implications of moving to his dad's (his dad wants us there but it would be a nightmare him have my son who is not related and a toddler, I'd never relax), also I've explained if I had to commute over an hour to work then he would need to take my eldest to school and back (seen as his dad would be too far away), he hates getting up with our son as it is. He is honestly rubbish and I can't rely on him, if we moved I would need him to do more and he just won't want to.
We had a heart to heart and he agreed and basically said he's ok with us living in the area we are in now. However, moans regularly about the cost when we could live at his dad's rent free. I know if we moved there we would never leave!
I've said he's 51 and I'm 33, it is normal at our ages to pay our own way in life (I'd like to point out he earns good money and has 300k saved for a house deposit) but still goes on about having to pay rent. I completely understand it's extortionate but feel I'm supposed to be grateful that he lives with me and contributes!
I've told him I want to talk and he's on his Xbox with his online 'friends'. I've just heard him say he can't believe he has to pay so much money to live somewhere he doesn't want to be. He also said if someone had said at the start of the relationship that he could save 60k by not getting in a relationship with me, that he would have to think about it!! I'm fuming and fed up of him mocking me. I went in there and told him he can leave if he wants!! I can then hear him saying "she's listening in to my conversation". I wasn't listening in, he's on headphones and he's pretty deaf, so talks really loud and I was in the kitchen cooking roast!
Sorry it's long. I'm so stressed and feel physically ill. I can't leave, there are literally no houses to rent anywhere around here w and I can't afford it even if there were.