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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he cheating on me? Or I'm just thinking too much wrong ?

35 replies

changesoul · 25/07/2021 16:26

Me and my partner went on holiday few months back and he gets few calls from his co worker his line of work is like that where calls are normal.

She is married with 3 kids but she called him few times on the trip. I felt but weird so I told him that's odd for her to call few times he said some thing has came up so she did.

I told him that I want him to keep limited and professional relationship with that lady he said yeah. Since then I did doubt that something is off between me and him & that lady was coming in my mind.

Few months went and I kept asking him what is going on & he said she is just co-worker after 6-7 months I found they are talking and he was deleting the text i saw text on his phone send to that lady I love u and miss u & 💋 when I asked him he said it's just we are good friends that's all .

Now he is not working at that place anymore & he swears to me that they where just friends I'm being naive but I don't feel it. If he had affair I want to leave him. That's not acceptable at all. How will I know what it was ?

That lady is married too with 3 kids and how I will know they r still talking or not ? Even after job change. He says that in that time we where going through rough patch we where having lots of fights & disagreements so he was just talking nothing else & she become good friends that's all and he was just talking to her about our problems ...

Should I trust him ? Or it was emotional affair ? What do you guys think ?

OP posts:
spotcheck · 25/07/2021 16:30

You saw a text that your partner sent, to another woman, which said he loves and misses her?

What more do you need?

changesoul · 25/07/2021 16:32

@spotcheck

You saw a text that your partner sent, to another woman, which said he loves and misses her?

What more do you need?

He says two friends does that too that's v normal they where just friends and it was just friendly love you , miss u .. do ppl do that ? Or I'm just being narrow minded ?
OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 25/07/2021 16:35

Your husband is lying is arse off.

Herecomesthesun70 · 25/07/2021 16:36

No one says that to friends from work

spotcheck · 25/07/2021 16:37

No, people don't do that

Theimpossiblegirl · 25/07/2021 16:38

I would say that to a close friend of the same sex but not to a colleague of the opposite sex.
I think your husband is lying.

spotcheck · 25/07/2021 16:39

And if they do have a very close friendship, which inspires ' I love you's ' then I think you would have met her. There would have been no need to hide it

Etinox · 25/07/2021 16:42

What’s your set up? Accommodation, kids? This relationship is a dead horse I’m afraid, don’t flog it.
Flowers

ThePurplePalace · 25/07/2021 16:42

He says two friends does that too that's v normal they where just friends and it was just friendly love you , miss u .. do ppl do that ?

No, they don’t. He’s lying & I think you know that.

changesoul · 25/07/2021 16:42

He said he hide it coz I take it wrong way which is true I don't like him to get too close to girl friends .. and we where going through hard patch as couple so he was just talking & she became a good friend. Yes I did went to his work place few times and I know who she is but she has never spoke to me she always seems to be nervous around me and ignores me I felt when ever I visit him at his work

OP posts:
30degreesandmeltinghere · 25/07/2021 16:43

Imo lines have been crossed.. Maybe that is more well known than you realise. That's why they no longer work together..

changesoul · 25/07/2021 16:44

@30degreesandmeltinghere

Imo lines have been crossed.. Maybe that is more well known than you realise. That's why they no longer work together..
He did not wanted to leave work I forced him too leave and find another job .. that lady was his boss wife they run company
OP posts:
HollowTalk · 25/07/2021 16:44

Nobody does that, for god's sake! If you want to leave him, you have plenty to go on, OP. Just deleting the messages shows he's up to no good.

changesoul · 25/07/2021 16:47

@spotcheck He said he hide it coz I take it wrong way which is true I don't like him to get too close to girl friends .. and we where going through hard patch as couple so he was just talking & she became a good friend. Yes I did went to his work place few times and I know who she is but she has never spoke to me she always seems to be nervous around me and ignores me I felt when ever I visit him at his work

OP posts:
changesoul · 25/07/2021 16:52

@Etinox

What’s your set up? Accommodation, kids? This relationship is a dead horse I’m afraid, don’t flog it. Flowers
No kids .. we had love marriage went against family and he still claim he loves me she was just friend and im being narrow minded
OP posts:
PaddleBlue · 25/07/2021 16:53

Written like that of course it’s not just close friend

changesoul · 25/07/2021 16:55

He thinks I'm not being modern and in this day and age ppl say that I'm being narrow minded & I don't trust him

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 25/07/2021 16:59

Oh op, come on. You are being naive at best, and stupid at worst - He Is Lying. No, they are not Just Friends! LTB

CruellaDaVille · 25/07/2021 17:06

"He thinks I'm not being modern and in this day and age ppl say that I'm being narrow minded & I don't trust him"

Typical "lying through my teeth" response - lets blame the Spouse.

Freelikeabirdy · 25/07/2021 17:09

Nothing to do with been modern at all. He is full of shit & gas lighting you. LTB

changesoul · 25/07/2021 17:11

It's been few months since he has left that job and he has been open and honest to me I check phone I haven't found anything nor on his emails .. when ever I call he always answer his phone... on find my iPhone I see him at his work only ... what should I think and believe

OP posts:
Etinox · 25/07/2021 17:20

I think
•he at least had an EA with married with 3 kids. That’s lead to you, quite rightly not trusting him, and...
•I think it’s not healthy to check your partners emails texts and find friends (I do one of this)
•I think you need to do some work- freedom programme, counselling/ reading, and
•get out of this relationship.
Flowers

CoronaPeroni · 25/07/2021 17:33

I'd just let him get on with it. You shouldn't be telling him to do things like leave the company etc! To him it's probably a game where he just tries to keep one step ahead of you. Just leave, you don't need 'proof' or a huge reason to end a relationship it's enough you're unhappy. If you do manage to separate them forever there's nothing stopping him looking for another.

TheFoundations · 25/07/2021 17:48

@changesoul

He thinks I'm not being modern and in this day and age ppl say that I'm being narrow minded & I don't trust him
Should I trust him

He's saying you don't trust him. You are feeling that you don't trust him. You wouldn't be posting here if you trusted him.

How many signs do you need? Whether he's guilty or not is irrelevant. You don't trust him and his response is to call you narrow minded. A worthy partner would have a different approach; more supportive, constructive.

rishisboater · 25/07/2021 21:19

Yeah sorry, it's progressed to more than friends