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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he cheating on me? Or I'm just thinking too much wrong ?

35 replies

changesoul · 25/07/2021 16:26

Me and my partner went on holiday few months back and he gets few calls from his co worker his line of work is like that where calls are normal.

She is married with 3 kids but she called him few times on the trip. I felt but weird so I told him that's odd for her to call few times he said some thing has came up so she did.

I told him that I want him to keep limited and professional relationship with that lady he said yeah. Since then I did doubt that something is off between me and him & that lady was coming in my mind.

Few months went and I kept asking him what is going on & he said she is just co-worker after 6-7 months I found they are talking and he was deleting the text i saw text on his phone send to that lady I love u and miss u & 💋 when I asked him he said it's just we are good friends that's all .

Now he is not working at that place anymore & he swears to me that they where just friends I'm being naive but I don't feel it. If he had affair I want to leave him. That's not acceptable at all. How will I know what it was ?

That lady is married too with 3 kids and how I will know they r still talking or not ? Even after job change. He says that in that time we where going through rough patch we where having lots of fights & disagreements so he was just talking nothing else & she become good friends that's all and he was just talking to her about our problems ...

Should I trust him ? Or it was emotional affair ? What do you guys think ?

OP posts:
changesoul · 26/07/2021 04:43

@rishisboater

Yeah sorry, it's progressed to more than friends
Why they cannot be honest ... I asked him again & he swears that it was just friendship & nothing else ... he says he gets friendly & there is nothing wrong in saying those words I did not meant it ... it's just so hard to believe what is right or wrong
OP posts:
Etinox · 26/07/2021 07:59
Flowers You’re looking for an answer where you won’t find one. You’ll never know 100%. But this is not a healthy relationship so you should get out. Flowers
TheFoundations · 26/07/2021 08:29

Why they cannot be honest

'Why' is a very dangerous question. People do things in ways we could never understand. Trying to figure out other people's motives for doing something you would never do yourself is pointless. If you'd never do it, you're unlikely to ever understand it. And you wouldn't want. People who cheat understand cheats. People who lie understand liars. Do you want to be more like that, just to understand somebody who's treating you so poorly?

Drop the 'why' train of thought. He is cheating on you. You feel horrible. Concentrate on responding to those things. Things that are actually happening. Rather than a philosophical enquiry.

Jurassicparkinajug · 26/07/2021 08:46

I have some close male friends. I occasionally tell them I love them or miss them but mainly when I'm drunk and I wouldn't say both things at the same time. These are friends I've had for many many years though and not work colleagues. This sounds suspicious to me.

Is your husband normally very open with his feelings like that? How are you ever going to know for certain. You either have to take his word for it or not. We can only advise on the info you give but you know him. Go with your gut OP.

changesoul · 26/07/2021 13:55

@Jurassicparkinajug

I have some close male friends. I occasionally tell them I love them or miss them but mainly when I'm drunk and I wouldn't say both things at the same time. These are friends I've had for many many years though and not work colleagues. This sounds suspicious to me.

Is your husband normally very open with his feelings like that? How are you ever going to know for certain. You either have to take his word for it or not. We can only advise on the info you give but you know him. Go with your gut OP.

He does get v friendly with ppl this is not 1st time only this time it was bit out of line I felt it ... even before when he has does he knew him for long... I love him dearly I don't want to leave him just in case if he was actually just being open and did not meant anything .. I dunno know it's his words against my feeling ...
OP posts:
Jurassicparkinajug · 26/07/2021 14:45

Would he have had time for an affair? Does he come home late sometimes?

I think if you choose to stay you have to choose to believe him and try and trust him again. Unless you have more proof, its difficult to leave if he is denying it. I'd feel the same, that I wouldn't want to throw my relationship away. I hope he hasn't cheated OP.

changesoul · 26/07/2021 15:28

@Jurassicparkinajug

Would he have had time for an affair? Does he come home late sometimes?

I think if you choose to stay you have to choose to believe him and try and trust him again. Unless you have more proof, its difficult to leave if he is denying it. I'd feel the same, that I wouldn't want to throw my relationship away. I hope he hasn't cheated OP.

No he never comes late from work and he is where he says he is 99% ... 1% out coz I cannot keep eye on everytime ..
OP posts:
EKGEMS · 26/07/2021 15:34

The best place for you to go right now is: chumplady.com-it uses real life experience people have with partners who cheat-it talks about the same old excuses called "the script"

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 26/07/2021 21:36

Well you know him. Does he routinely say 'love you / miss you' to his friends? Does he routinely delete his texts?

For a small percentage of people the answer will be yes and thats fine. For the cast majority of people that wont be true and your bf is a lying piece of shite

changesoul · 26/07/2021 22:02

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

Well you know him. Does he routinely say 'love you / miss you' to his friends? Does he routinely delete his texts?

For a small percentage of people the answer will be yes and thats fine. For the cast majority of people that wont be true and your bf is a lying piece of shite

He does say that to good friends with whom he has that comfort I have seen him being friendly with his best friend girlfriend too saying her I love u miss u but I don't think kiss emoji.. and I was aware of it coz I knew they have been friends for years
OP posts:
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