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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

One night stand

31 replies

gingerface40 · 25/07/2021 14:06

Hey everyone

Hope anyone has some comforting words for me! I have had my first one night stand at the grand old age of 41.

I feel bloody awful but that could be the hangover, I have no idea why I did it.

He's text this Morning and I am trying my best to let him down gently. I feel terrible like I have done something wrong, guilty maybe! I didn't even enjoy it.

Help me get over this girls, and he was weird, thought he was some sort of porn star !

Hellllppppp

OP posts:
VodselForDinner · 25/07/2021 14:31

Why are you feeling awful?

Are you single?

Chalk it down to bad sex and move on. Not your job to let a man down gently.

Original poster
gingerface40 · 25/07/2021 14:34

Yeah single, newly single. Thought it might help me move on a bit more.

Made me feel more depressed and sad but that could be the hangover😄

OP posts:
ThePurplePalace · 25/07/2021 14:34

Ohh more details please!

Go with a generic message about having a great time but you’re not looking for a relationship at the mo.

ComtesseDeSpair · 25/07/2021 14:35

Most of us have had bad sex at some point. And you don’t have to feel wrong or guilty for having wanted sex. Just text him back to say it was a fun night but you aren’t interested in taking things any further. You don’t need to give details or apologise.

Gwenhwyfar · 25/07/2021 14:36

"Go with a generic message about having a great time but you’re not looking for a relationship at the mo."

Wouldn't he find that patronising?

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 25/07/2021 14:36

God they are awful aren't they! I used to enjoy them when I was younger for some reason but I had one a couple of years ago and it was so cringe. Never again! Don't feel bad though, it doesn't matter!

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 25/07/2021 14:37

@Gwenhwyfar

"Go with a generic message about having a great time but you’re not looking for a relationship at the mo."

Wouldn't he find that patronising?

It doesn't matter if he does. It's polite code for not interested. I'm sure he would rather that that 'ew not again thanks'
HollowTalk · 25/07/2021 14:37

Was he a nice guy? Does it have to be a one-nighter?

WatieKatie · 25/07/2021 14:38

@ThePurplePalace

Ohh more details please!

Go with a generic message about having a great time but you’re not looking for a relationship at the mo.

The worry with this is that he’ll reply saying neither am I, let’s do it again!

I think you’ll have to be more blunt, something along the lines of you had a great time but won’t be going it again. Sorry.

ThePurplePalace · 25/07/2021 14:39

@Gwenhwyfar

"Go with a generic message about having a great time but you’re not looking for a relationship at the mo."

Wouldn't he find that patronising?

Does it matter? He’s a man not a child.
Inthesameboatatmo · 25/07/2021 14:39

Just chalk it up to a an error of judgement, lots of women have one night stands and the sex has been awful dont beat yourself up about it .
Put it down to experience an move on.
Send a message along the lines of was nice to hook up but I'm not looking for anything more than that ,then block him and move on with your life.

ThePurplePalace · 25/07/2021 14:40

Hah good point WatieKatie!

Original poster
gingerface40 · 25/07/2021 14:43

Yeah he knows a group of friends that I know myself, so it's so embarrassing! Christ I am a mother of two! I should have more sense!

OP posts:
99victoria · 25/07/2021 15:10

I had my first one night stand at the age of 47 a year after my husband and I split up. It was a revelation for me as i had always thought of myself as someone who needed to be in love and have commitment in order to have sex.

I left him in the hotel room at 5am to get home before my 17 year old daughter woke up (he was still asleep). He text me later wanting to see me again but I knew there was no future in it. I can honestly say I had no regrets or negative feelings at all. In fact I felt quite empowered. It was my first sexual encounter after being married for 25 years.

I went on to have 3 or 4 'casual, no strings' relationships before I met my now husband. See it for what it is - a new experience and a bit of fun!

WoohooIAmGoingToAGig · 25/07/2021 15:24

Oh, OP, no need to feel guilty!

I'm 46. I haven't had a one night stand for a while but I currently have a 25 year old fwb.

I don't have relationships. I only do casual flings for many reasons.

I'm also a mother of two (23 and 15) but I'm still a person!

Cockenspiel · 25/07/2021 15:27

Stop feeling bad or guilty! What a waste of energy. The only shame here is that it wasn’t more enjoyable! Hopefully next time it will beGrin

Hopeisnotastrategy · 25/07/2021 15:37

Don't do yourself down OP. You're single now, it didn't work out but no real damage done. You're back in the saddle, give yourself a pat on the back and move on. Life's too short.

Opentooffers · 25/07/2021 15:49

Had a few over the years - well, some were 2nd meet things, or a couple of nights stand. I can honestly say with hindsight, that I wouldn't bother these days as I've always found relationship sex much better. In fact, I've never orgasmed on a one nighter, part of that may be the alcohol involved, but I also think that the sex was pretty low quality.
Now you know you have not been missing out on anything, box ticked, move on, it's no biiggy.

BarryTheKestrel · 25/07/2021 15:55

Honestly some of the best sex I've ever had has come from a one night stand. That clear boundary of it being a one night only thing allowed me to lower my inhibitions and just throw myself into it.

One night stands aren't a bad thing as long as you are single and see it for what it is. However it definitely sounds like the wrong man for you. You didn't enjoy it and thats absolutely fine (well it's not but that is not your fault) , and after a LTR it is no surprise you feel a bit awkward about it all.

If it's not your thing, fair enough, but don't be put off after one bad experience if a no strings situation is what you're looking for.

Bridezillamaybe · 25/07/2021 16:41

First things first get straight into the bath and give yourself a good scrub with a Brillo pad. Then forty mins on a bed of nails followed by a night sleeping in a hair shirt.

In all seriousness that's crap op but you'll get over it pretty fast. In answer to why I suspect alcohol but you'll feel better when the hangover passes. And remember a bad day is a good story.

Oblomov21 · 25/07/2021 16:42

Oh come on, you don't need to apologise . He thought he was great. He wasn't.

I had one of these. One of my few ons at Uni. He was massive, didn't make the sex good, he never tried. I left, the next morning, thinking is that IT?

PrettyBlunt · 25/07/2021 16:43

Did you do it at his house?

UnGoogled · 25/07/2021 16:47

You've done nothing wrong, and actually it's a really good thing that you know what you want and dont want.

Original poster
gingerface40 · 25/07/2021 17:17

Hahaha no my house! Feel a lot better now actually after I have bleached myself! I'm joking hahahaha 😃😂

I think I was more worried he wanted to see me again or if u bump into him!

OP posts:
Original poster
gingerface40 · 25/07/2021 17:20

@PrettyBlunt

Did you do it at his house?
Mine! Kids were away! So glad they are home x
OP posts:
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