Not sure how I’m going to get all this out in a post but I really need to vent / have some advice on my situation
Me and my fiancé have been together for 8 years .. for most of that I felt very loved and we called each other best friends , all day long he would send me ❤️ Emojis whilst at work etc ..
This past year things have gone seriously down hill .. in august last year I fell pregnant .. it was planned although happened a lot quicker than we both thought .. initially he seemed happy about it but fast forward 2 weeks he was acting really quiet & distant and one evening whilst I was upstairs in the bath he TEXTED me that he didn’t feel it was the right thing to do ( having a baby ) .. that he loves me but doesn’t know if he’s still IN LOVE with me .. I was obviously very shocked and shaken about it all and reacted in anger ( I said a few things about his personality that I can’t take back .. mainly his selfishness) ..
He ended up spending a few weeks in a hotel and I was just so heartbroken I literally cried myself to sleep for weeks , I asked him to try make it work which he has always replied with “ he doesn’t know if his feelings will change “ . And he did try to push towards a termination which I said absolutely not ..
He looked into flats & moving out but financially would be really hard on both of us and regrettably I begged him not to commit to a year lease on a flat and to give us a chance to work things out ..
He stayed but my pregnancy was really miserable,I slept in the spare room the whole time and apart from a couple of times he barely touched me or my bump and payed little to no interest in anything related , after I had the baby we had to stay in hospital for a few days due to infection and he had the option to stay but decided to go home ( due to covid once he left he wasn’t able to come back ) , he then went back to work the day I came home and I felt really disappointed with his choices
Fast forward our baby boy is now 3 months old and just beautiful .. he is still at home and things did seem to get slightly better for a short while but now I’m in a really bad place .. everything he does makes me angry .. I don’t trust him , he lies about where he is going / what he’s doing .. he’s always “ too busy” to do anything with me and the baby and I’m left basically raising him on my own .
He works as a high end car sales man and owns the company himself , one of the perks of the job is he gets to drive these mega sports cars and just yesterday he was stopped on the motorway going 153 mph .. god knows how but he got let go with just a slap on the wrist but this is just one example of his selfish idiotic behaviour . he loves the attention he gets in these cars and woman drool over them 🙄 and being the price tag they have has started rubbing shoulders with the wealthy / Instagramers etc .. having the job he has means I never know where he is as it’s not a standard 9-5 , he gets home at 7pm sometimes and will say he’s got a client viewing a car and instantly my mind takes me places that’s not healthy .. I do have doubts if there was another woman but have zero proof or zero way of finding out this and to be fair during the lockdown he was home most evenings so I’m not sure he would of found time to have someone else .. his phone is attached to his hand 24/7 and even after coming home so late he spends the rest of the evening “ looking for new cars “ on his phone . He maybe sees our son for 40/45 mins a day before he goes to bed and often he will say he’s going in the bath during this time too .. again sitting on his phone in the bath .
we bought a house together 3 years ago the deposit money was mine but the mortgage is in his name solely .. I’m not financially in a position to move out ( on matternity allowance) abd feel like I can’t see any end to this situation
Really don’t know what to do but feel like I’m going to loose my mind sitting here with my thoughts 😢
To add I genuinely love this man so much , he 100% is selfish in his ways but he does have a good heart and has always treated me well untill all this happened .. I still find him attractive but he has hinted that he doesn’t find me as attractive as he used to
Sorry I know that’s probably a huge jumble but there’s so much to say in one message 🙈
Do I give up on him ? I can’t help but feel we won’t get past this