Hi,
Me and my husband have been married for 3 years, together for 7. We have 2 children together, things haven’t always been amazing but we’ve always had each other and our amazing children.
After my youngest child I found it very painful to have sex do we have not tried for almost a year now. I do understand how hard that is on him, I have also been telling him for the past year how unhappy I am in our relationship. I feel he makes no effort at all, he can be controlling at times but has no idea he is, he also treats my daughter (from a previous relationship) different to our own children. Nothing has changed other the year and things are still the same after taking to him about these issues.
A few weeks back I was looking through his photos on his phone from a recent family day out when I found around 170 photos of me. These photos are mostly naked and all without my knowledge or consent, photos of me taking a bath, doing house work in a skirt/ dress bent over, some are of me sleeping when my nighty has risen up, and some of me when I’m getting changed etc.
I felt physically sick and humiliated, I am extremely insecure about my body and he knows this, I felt he’d completely destroyed any trust I had for him. I confronted him and he couldn’t say sorry enough. He told me it’s because he’s so attracted to me and loves me so much.
I don’t know how but I decided to try to move on and work though things. He just likes to sweep out problems under the rug and not talk about them when I try. Fast forward a few weeks and I was really trying to move on from it, that was until I was asleep and suddenly woke up to my trousers being pulled down. I kept my eyes shut as I wanted fo know what his intentions actually were. He was looking at my vagina and wanking himself off over me. Again I felt physically sick, I turned over and he tried to roll me back on to my back. Again I rolled over and he eventually finished himself off and left me alone.
I confronted him about it, he told me my 2 year old son who was sleeping in between us pulled my trousers down by mistake when he was wriggling and he was simply pulling them back up for me. I screamed at him and couldn’t believe he lied which upset me even more l!
Two days of us not talking he then finally admitted the truth and again apologised. I feel so confused by everything’s that’s happened, I have spoken to my mum who thinks we should try marriage counselling, which I feel like I should do for my children’s sake. But how can I ever look at him the same way ever again or feel the same way.
He is currently on the sofa giving me space but I have no idea where to go from here, any advice would be really appreciated x