Well meant comments or digs?

[Orangedots]

Person A brings home some cakes/biscuits/chocolate gifts from the end of term at work.

Person B (family member) says they need to think about which of them they will or won’t eat as they’ll waste their summer and put on ‘atleast a stone’ if they eat them all.

Person B is fairly obsessed with weight and tells person A very regularly that they’re damaging their health/need to exercise more and lose weight. Comments on what they eat and tells them they have ‘wasted the day’ if they’ve eaten badly.

They have been called out on such comments but tell person A it’s only because they love them so much and want them to be healthy.

It’s hard to tell if they are well meant or digs. Anyone experienced similar?

6 stone is a lot of extra weight to be carrying. The one making the comments sounds a bit like the food police though. But further context does matter - is it a marriage, family members, how often does the one needing to lose the weight actually take care of a good diet etc , what impact would their health have on the other person, do they otherwise have a good and healthy loving relationship etc.

I just think this whole person A person B out of context thing isn’t helpful to really understand what’s going on.

B is a knob. "Wasting the day" is not motivational or supportive. Also, if A is being bought stuff as a present that makes it more difficult not to eat it.

I agree further context is required, as to who b is and the relationship, as well as has a always been this size, or is it incremental or are they trying to loose weight, did they ask b to help them etc,

Also if a is trying to loose weight, why did they bring all that shit home. B is right in this context as to understanding what to do with the food. Can a control themselves round it. Is b right? They need to think about it? Or is a in control ?

Is a just pissed off because they want to eat that shit?

6 stones is morbidly obese.

Person A needs to sort them themselves out, and quickly. I’m surprised person B isn’t frightened/frustrated enough to leave them.

It's a kind of abuse even if they say they do it out of love (of course they'd say that, or 'just joking' or something.)

It'd make sense if A was morbidly obese maybe, to the extent they risk death if they don't lose weight.

I think 'who asked you?' would be how I'd respond in A's shoes.

If B gets too annoying, bin them, or if they're a relative, have less to do with them.

@MrsKeats

Eat person B. It's the only way.

This comment wins the internet 😂. In all seriousness though person b does sound like he/she is being an arse. It may be coming from a good place but clearly isn't being recieved that way so I would suggest person b pack it in before they push person a away.

It's always rude to make comments on people's food when they aren't asked for. No matter the reason it is very fucking rude.

Person A is probably utterly miserable because of the comments that keep being made by Person B. Feeling miserable is not going to help them lose weight.
If person B is genuinely wanting to be helpful, they need to find a different way to be supportive.

So as Person B is my mother, I must be related to Person A!

My husband got fed up of it, told her to wind her neck in and never mention my weight again. That worked. Does Person A have anyone who would go to bat for them like that?

I doubt the op is coming back. There can be so many variants of this that change the answer

Person a might work in a school so are at high risk from Covid, and person b is very anxious for them in trying to support them loosing weight.

Person a might have health issues being excaberated by their weight, diabetes, struggling to do certain things like stairs, stand for any length of time, swollen/sore/stiff joints and Person b maybe behaving as above.

Person a may habe asked for support in loosing weight as person b is fitness orientated, and for the health reasons above.

Person a may have been this size since they met b and happy and person b is an arsehole and trying to put them down make them feel bad.

Person a maybe happy this size and person b again being an arsehole.

Person a maybe in a relationship with B and B doesn’t find them physically attractive any more so is trying to pressurise them to loose weight as the relationship is struggling and handling it badly

Person a may wish to loose weight and always harping about it, and person b is getting frustrated by a going on about it but still eating badly.

So many different options where either basically a or b is being a twat, either are in the right, either are in thr wrong.

Thanks all, your opinions and thoughts on this have been appreciated.

6 stone is a lot to need to lose. And will be having a negative impact on A’s health. And also, might be having an impact on what activities they do together. If it has been an ongoing issue that A complains about, I can understand B trying to suggest not eating a big pile of junk in one day.

Is person B exasperated with person A? I know my dh has little self-control with portion sizes of food at times, then will sit uncomfortably, while moaning, at the beach refusing to take his tshirt off through embarrassment at the size of his stomach. My DS is worse. She lives off take aways, then refuses to go anywhere because she doesnt fit in to anything atm. And she is so unfit she is wheezing on shirt walks. It's very frustrating.

Does A want to change their weight or is A happy as they are? I think this makes the difference. If A is one to complain about their weight but then does nothing about it, that would be frustrating for B. But if A never mentions it and it doesnt impact their life together, B should wind their neck in.

I am baffled by how twisted our reaction to obesity is. And I say that as someone who was borderline obese for a few years and very distressed by it. But I would never think a loved one addressing the problem was an arse or abusive. You could argue that person A is abusive by killing B's loved one slowly through overeating and being emotionally manipulative about B not being allowed to say anything (hypothetical version of OP's situation. I'm not accusing OP of this.)

Obesity is a huge problem. Standing by and watching loved ones bring home, with the intention to consume, vast quantities of fat and sugar when they are six stone overweight must be so distressing. How is this different from watching an alcoholic bring home crates of booze?

@Hen2018

6 stones is morbidly obese.

Person A needs to sort them themselves out, and quickly. I’m surprised person B isn’t frightened/frustrated enough to leave them.

So you think no one who is obese deserves a partner