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Original poster

Insane sexual chemistry - does it mean anything ?

28 replies

Rowan10 · 20/07/2021 20:57

Ok well I hope I don’t sound like an idiot but I feel I’m going a bit crazy. Not really sure what I want, but I was wondering if anyone else had experienced similar and had any advice.

Quick background, fast approaching 50, horribly acrimonious divorce 5 years ago. Ex left me with substantial mental scars. And some very cruel words (about how nice it was to have sex with someone who hadn’t had kids -the OW / no one would ever want to see me naked because of all my hideous stretch marks etc etc etc). To say I’m under confident would be an understatement. Couldn’t do and will never be interested /confident enough for OLD. Only had a couple of dates over the years with really nice men, very cute too, but I couldn’t bring myself to take things any further. Froze with one in the bedroom which I found really difficult. Luckily both have turned into really good mates. But pretty much accepted sex was over for me.

So basically I have become very content with being single, knackered in a stressful job, and looking after the kids and never expected that to change.

Until I met a man at work a few months back….
Oh my god, immediately the sexual chemistry was insane. It was literally 2 days before we slept together. Genuinely the sex is the most intense and wonderful thing I’ve ever experienced. I’m no longer ashamed of my body which is the most amazing thing for me. He’s 60 but has so much energy !!!

Now if that’s all it ever is that’s totally cool. I’m not even sure I have time for it to be anything else.

But I guess I’m confused. All my other relationships built into a nice sex life when I started to care about them, which I’ve always needed to properly enjoy sex. I like this man a lot but I wouldn’t say I cared for him yet. But I literally can’t get enough of him. I thought your libido was supposed to go when you’re peri menopausal but mine has been ignited !!!

It’s confusing the hell out of me, whether it’s just about the sex (which is ok if that’s all it is) or if it’s so intense to start with that means anything, even if it’s just more likely to fade out quickly. I suppose in lots of ways it doesn’t even matter….

We’ve not really discussed anything - too busy having fun 😂. But I don’t want to confuse sex with feelings, because I accept I’m a bit / very rusty at all this. The intensity has just shocked me so much I’m trying to make sense of it. I cannot stop thinking about him….

OP posts:
Umberellatheweatha · 20/07/2021 21:05

It could just be comparability.

But...it can mean a preditorial personality.

Narcissists and similar cluster b personalities can often just generate this...spark. One example of how they do this is they might look at you or focus on you as if you are the only person in the room. And it can make your tummy flip.

But the reality is that they are a predator and they are actually looking at you the way that a shark looks at its next meal. We just interpret it as them being smitten with us.

Read up on 'love bombing' too. It may be what is going on. It may not. Atm it sounds like you are having fun, so good! But I think it's a good rule of thumb to never trust a whirlwind until it proves it isn't just...blowing through.

Umberellatheweatha · 20/07/2021 21:05

*compatibility

Original poster
Rowan10 · 20/07/2021 21:21

Thank you Umberellatheweatha.
I really like that, never trust a whirlwind until it proves it isn’t just….blowing through.

To be fair absolutely no promises have been made on either side. So it doesn’t feel like love bombing. Just hugely intense and yes my tummy flips every time I see him !

It might just be because I haven’t had it for so long…😂.

OP posts:
KirstenBlest · 20/07/2021 21:24

It could be because your ex wasn't that hot in the sack.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/07/2021 21:27

It's only been a few months. I think you should enjoy what you have and don't rush anything. If this man treats you well, is respectful, and it's playing any games or raising red flags, why fool with a good thing? Just let it progress naturally and don't overthink it.

Palavah · 20/07/2021 21:31

It just means you have great sexual chemistry. Just that. It doesn't mean anything more.

Creamteayesplease · 20/07/2021 21:50

I wouldn’t start over analysing…..just enjoy it and go with what feels right! Life’s too short! X

Deedee121 · 20/07/2021 21:52

Oooh enjoy it. Sounds great!

Original poster
Rowan10 · 20/07/2021 21:55

Thank you everyone. Yes you’re probably all correct and I should just go with the flow….it’s a very nice flow 😂

I guess I’ve just never experienced this level of attraction before and it worried me a bit.

Kirstenblest - you’re not wrong there…

OP posts:
IveNameChangedAgain2020 · 20/07/2021 22:12

I had that with my husband. It's what's kept us going for 25 years. Just enjoy OP x

crackofdoom · 20/07/2021 22:12

I have had similar recently OP, and have ruminating over What It All Meant....

Basically, I met someone off a hookup site, and had never felt such attraction. Just in and of itself, it is a wonderful thing to feel! We spent a couple of hours together on our first date, snogging in the park, and it was wonderful. He seemed so....into me, so warm and charismatic.

Subsequently we met up a couple of times and had earth- shaking sex...it was gloriously filthy and he pushed boundaries, but as I'm quite kinky anyway I welcomed that. I spent a couple of weeks thinking about him all the time, pondering the meaning of the attraction- "Is this it? What does it mean? Are we meant for each other?!"

However, no matter how carried away I was, I couldn't ignore the red flags, and he had more than Moscow on May Day- racist, sexist, a history of drugs and crime....and the last time we met, suddenly the charming facade had slipped and he started being cold and critical.

I think in this case it was as umberellatheweatha suggests, and I had been love bombed by a narcissist. But I'm very proud of myself that I managed to recognise that in time and end things at the right moment, having enjoyed some amazing sex and escaped with no psychological damage. As a previous victim of abuse, it was kind of good to test my boundaries and realise that they're strong enough now.

SecretOfChange · 20/07/2021 22:30

If it all runs very smoothly and you don't recognise it as your own doing, then it mostly likely is an indicator of experience. Which is good and bad at the same time. Good because you get to enjoy the skillful play, but bad because it may also imply a gamer mentality and desire for variety in sexual partners (ie it may not last). For now though I'd personally carry on enjoying it for what it is - amazing sex!

emmylousings · 20/07/2021 22:46

That sounds like fun, enjoy it. It might turn into something long-term it might not, I suggest don't overthink it, but don't do anything rash either, for ages. I was like that about my current DP for a couple of years, we are still together after 15 😉

Mermaidwaves · 21/07/2021 01:50

I had this with a man last year after I came out of a long abusive marriage. We met online and the chemistry was insane, his smell and the way he would look at me....I couldn't breathe and felt shaky around him. He introduced me to a wild side I didn't know I had and I was infatuated with him.

Alas he didn't feel the same and very much saw it as sex only. He is still with the girl he dropped me for nearly a year on and seems very committed to her. I still think about him now, I guess it's wise to be cautious for now as some of these charismatic men know exactly how to charm and play women, go slowly.

Enough4me · 21/07/2021 02:06

Enjoy it for what it is, good sex and a chance to build your confidence.

It will likely fizzle out when you start looking for a deeper relationship, but so what - you know your ex was talking rubbish and you have no issues being naked!

Next time you are fully single, perhaps it would be worth exploring more now with the man you dated who is already a friend?

ohthatbloodycat · 21/07/2021 02:57

@Umberellatheweatha

It could just be comparability.

But...it can mean a preditorial personality.

Narcissists and similar cluster b personalities can often just generate this...spark. One example of how they do this is they might look at you or focus on you as if you are the only person in the room. And it can make your tummy flip.

But the reality is that they are a predator and they are actually looking at you the way that a shark looks at its next meal. We just interpret it as them being smitten with us.

Read up on 'love bombing' too. It may be what is going on. It may not. Atm it sounds like you are having fun, so good! But I think it's a good rule of thumb to never trust a whirlwind until it proves it isn't just...blowing through.

Fucking hell.

Or it could just be that they fancy the pants off each other Hmm

custardbear · 21/07/2021 03:16

@Deedee121

Oooh enjoy it. Sounds great!
^^ this ... have done well deserved fun and see where it goes
Original poster
Rowan10 · 21/07/2021 06:07

crackofdoom - that’s brilliant you know your own boundaries now but I’m sorry he was such a let down. It sounds like you are a strong person to get out at the right time. Yes, there’s an element of trying new things that previously I might not have been comfortable with. Loving it now though….

Mermaidwaves - yes this is having a similar effect on me ! He’s very charismatic so I am naturally cautious about that I think. The thing is I don’t think I will be overly bothered if it is purely sex. I’ve just never experienced anything like it before. It’s kind of animal attraction 😳.

SecretsOfChange - that’s a really good point. Definitely very skilful !! I don’t think I would be overly surprised if he was a bit of a ‘gamer’ but then again he’s 60 and one would hope he’d picked up some skills along the way 😂.

I think you’re all right, don’t overthink and just enjoy the ride. He’s a nice man who’s done nothing but give me pleasure. I’ll enjoy it for what it is, pure unadulterated lust !!! Who knew…

OP posts:
Wjevtvha · 21/07/2021 06:16

I’ve had this but in slightly different forms - one where all I wanted to do with the person was have sex, we’d go for drinks but it was all just a pre cursor to sex; it was fun for what it was although @Umberellatheweatha has made me question if this describes him.
Second time with my DH but it was accompanied by having a lot of fun alongside it and wanting to spend time with him both in and out of bed.

TheFoundations · 21/07/2021 06:28

I guess I’ve just never experienced this level of attraction before and it worried me a bit

That's your instincts calling you. They should be posting on the thread! They're saying 'This all feels lovely, but don't forget to stay alert for red flags'

Don't you think?

SecretOfChange · 21/07/2021 07:42

@Rowan10 there's experience and there's experience. Kinky experience can come from sex clubs in which case we may be talking about dozens of partners a year. I would probe this stuff a bit with questions like what was the best sex you ever had, what's your wildest dream, who was the hottest sexual partner in the past and why, etc.

What's his marital status?

MadameTuffington · 21/07/2021 07:53

Very upbeat post to read first thing this morning - You sound incredibly happy and energetic - I think it’s bloody brilliant - just enjoy the sex OP - don’t rush into commitment - continue to enjoy his company and added pleasures - great post :)

VanGoSunflowers · 21/07/2021 08:07

I just wanted to post -
Fair play!! I’m jealous Grin

Bridezillamaybe · 21/07/2021 08:40

Well I for one am delighted to hear you've come back to life op. What a horrible man your ex was.

Who knows if this will come to anything more meaningful with this man? Enjoy the sex and take your time getting to know him, figure out if he's of interest to you instead of wondering if he's interested in you.

Spritesobright · 21/07/2021 10:07

My relationship started off like this. The sex was so amazing and addictive I kept worrying something was wrong.
But three years on it's a happy, committed relationship with great sex (just not quite as much or as crazy as it used to be, because that wasn't sustainable).
As others have said, try to enjoy it and juat keep an eye on your boundaries. You deserve it!