amiandlils - i could have written your post a year or so back. Everything I did was met with a tut, sigh, raising/rolling of eyes. i would say he was hands on but only when he really needed to be and to be honest only when he WANTED to be. I didn't feel I had a leg to stand on to critise him - but we would talk/bicker/discuss what i thought was wrong and why i needed his encouragement. He would say i was over reacting, i was a weirdo for crying all the time, blah blah, niggle niggle until my self esteem was at an all time low.
As it turns out I was depressed - now this didn't excuse DH in anyway, BUT after going on some meds, the things he said didn't matter as much anymore because I had faith in MYSELF - if he had issues with how I did things that was HIS problem not mine. This lead to me holding my head higher and standing up for what i believed was right "I am doing this properly, sod you"....also I would leave my kids WAY more often with him while i did things for MYSELF. It meant he critised less as he wasn't getting the reaction he always used to get (yes they are doing it for a reaction, believe me, and yes your DP also has self esteem issues, even if you think he thinks he is 100% right - he has niggled at your confidence to make you think that).
It also meant that one day when he stepped too far again with the 'you don't do it like that, you are useless, why don't you fook off'....I did, "fook off" with the kids the following day. He got such a shock. I only went to his mums, but it was 100 miles away so he couldn't steam round shouting the odds - he had 4 days to think about our life, our relationship and when I got back i didn't hear a murmur of negativity.
Thats not to say we are perfect now and I am still on the meds, but I am dealing with that in my own way. He has his odd moments, but these days I just leave him to it - if he's so fooking great at it and i'm so crap, get on with it! The meds have helped me in many ways - not least given me confidence and clarity on how to deal with things - I'm not suggesting you are depressed, an over critical spouse can make you think you are when clearly you aren't, it's them that needs help - but it's a possibility. I just wanted to share my story as it seemed very similar.
My kids are now 3 (yes twins - which may have contributed to the stress!), and me and DH have a regular going out routine in the week (we have no family close by so no baby sitters), where one goes out and the other does bedtime - we each do it our own way and both ways work, so we don't critise each other. I can also leave him for extended periods of time (weekends, or a week), so no longer feel trapped by my kids or by my life and has also showed him if he is gonna big himself up at being the better parent then he's gonna be called upon to prove it from time to time!
Good luck - sit down and talk to DP first off (I did try the talking route, but my dh isn't one for words - my actions defo spoke louder), and see if you can't agree something first - give him a chance to see that how he is is hurting you and therefore hurting your relationship.