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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP thinks I am a bad mother...

27 replies

amiandlils · 26/11/2007 14:14

Finding things tough at the moment as I feel as if my dp and I are on different planets.

Our dd was born 15 months ago and she didn't sleep through the night for the first year of her life. Needless to say I had moments of being completely fed up and exhausted. We are in a similar situation now, after being ill, she will not go to sleep unless rocked in our arms, including when waking several times in the night. After a week of this I am fairly wrecked.

I don't have a problem dealing with the sleep issue as I know she can do it - the thing that gets me down is that dp just cannot identify with how I feel. He thinks its completely wrong for me to get stressed at her not sleeping.

In fact I get the impression my performance as a mother has been a complete disappointment to him. He only ever criticises - not once has he ever said that I am doing good job - am I expecting too much?

OP posts:
smithfield · 26/11/2007 14:21

Hi amiandlils- It sounds like you need a bit more support than perhaps you are getting from DP. Does DP help getting your dd to sleep? How does he critisise you? Was he critical before dd was born or has this just started?
He may take it for granted that you know he thinks your doing a great job.
But rest assured you are doing an amazing job!

Have you spoken to anyone like HV or Gp regarding sleeping issues?

GooseyLoosey · 26/11/2007 14:24

Mmm, think this is not untypical of lots of men. Dh used to offer helpful hints and suggest that I might try doing things a different way. I think it all looks so easy when you are not the one doing it. I went away to a conference for several days and on my return there were no further comments.

Has he ever had sole charge of your dd for a couple of days so that he can really understand how hard it is? If not, I would think about letting him try.

You sound like you are doing just fine to me and no, you are not expecting too much from him.

Carnival · 26/11/2007 14:33

Yes, sounds like a good time to arrange a weekend away with a few mates or some other subterfuge to give him a taste of the real world.

Men can be useless at times. Sorry you're having a difficult time of it {hugs}. Do you think he'd do a better job?

amiandlils · 26/11/2007 14:46

He is generally quite a critical person - he somehow manages to make me feel that I don't love her enough or care about her enough.

The thing is that he is extremely calm in any situation - and never once gets stressed at her crying or waking up. He will always get her to sleep and takes his turn if I ask him and never moans.

During a screaming session last night (dd not us!) I asked him to settle her as I just couldn't deal with it - the look he gave me was pure loathing as if I had actually physically hurt her.

He is a lovely dad and I couldn't ask for more - but its his attitude towards me that makes me feel really useless.

He hasn't ever looked after her for more than a couple of hours - but he would make me feel guilty for leaving her if I suggested going away. And he would never admit it even if he did find it hard.

Its not really just the sleep issue as he is critical about pretty much everything I do with her - food, hygiene, play, safety...

OP posts:
Wisteria · 26/11/2007 14:53

Sounds as though he may have problems with his own self esteem. That may sound odd but people who are very critical of their loved ones are generally displaying insecurities of their own.

I'm sure you are doing wonderfully and no, you are not expecting too much.

Write down a 'pros and cons' list, on one side all the criticisms he has throw at you over the last week and then all the nice things he has said to you, not just regarding your dd but generally about everything. Show him the list... then go out for a few hours and wait for a response.

amiandlils · 26/11/2007 15:04

Hi Wisteria

I would agree with you as I known plenty of people who criticise to make themselves feel better - but I promise you dp is not one of them, he genuinely believes he is right.

Interesting idea about the list - would be good for my own sanity even if I don't show it to him.

I do actually feel as if I am doing ok - I think he just expects a lot more from me.

OP posts:
smithfield · 26/11/2007 15:19

amiandlils-If he is generally critical of your parenting and how you do things for dd, then this will eat away at your self-esteem as a mother, which in turn will not be good for you and dd.

You need to pick your moment and sit down with him and have a converation anout setting some boundaries. Let him know how you feel, i.e that it makes you feel like your not a good enough mum when he says what he says.

He may not realise the impact he is having or how hurtful it is to you.
Highlight to him that its in dd's interest that she has a confident happy mummy and to achieve that daddy has to support her and tell her she's doing a great job.

mrsmcv · 26/11/2007 15:28

Amiandlils, that's exactly how my stbxh made me feel, as if he was dd's 'real' parent and he was just letting me look after her for him. It's a horrible feeling. He drew the line at telling me how to give birth, but only just

Wisteria · 26/11/2007 15:43

hmm - yes, like your dp I am also ALWAYS right (I promise) but it doesn't mean anyone else's way is wrong and it's taking me a long time to change my behaviour patterns. I am highly critical of my dp and I am trying to change but it's so hard......

I suffer from low self esteem quite badly; just because he genuinely believes he's right, doesn't mean he can't have a LSE issue I promise. Does he have a controlling parent?

hildegard · 26/11/2007 15:51

You say he is a lovely dad and you couldn't ask for more, and I am sure he is - but he has not looked after your daughter for more than a few hours at a time! He has no idea what being a main carer is like. I think you need to go away for at least a day, just so that he gains some perspective and stops being so critical. Perhaps you could address the fact that he might make you feel guilty about going away directly, after all you have NO NEED to feel guilty because you want some time off after so long.

Meeely2 · 26/11/2007 15:51

amiandlils - i could have written your post a year or so back. Everything I did was met with a tut, sigh, raising/rolling of eyes. i would say he was hands on but only when he really needed to be and to be honest only when he WANTED to be. I didn't feel I had a leg to stand on to critise him - but we would talk/bicker/discuss what i thought was wrong and why i needed his encouragement. He would say i was over reacting, i was a weirdo for crying all the time, blah blah, niggle niggle until my self esteem was at an all time low.

As it turns out I was depressed - now this didn't excuse DH in anyway, BUT after going on some meds, the things he said didn't matter as much anymore because I had faith in MYSELF - if he had issues with how I did things that was HIS problem not mine. This lead to me holding my head higher and standing up for what i believed was right "I am doing this properly, sod you"....also I would leave my kids WAY more often with him while i did things for MYSELF. It meant he critised less as he wasn't getting the reaction he always used to get (yes they are doing it for a reaction, believe me, and yes your DP also has self esteem issues, even if you think he thinks he is 100% right - he has niggled at your confidence to make you think that).

It also meant that one day when he stepped too far again with the 'you don't do it like that, you are useless, why don't you fook off'....I did, "fook off" with the kids the following day. He got such a shock. I only went to his mums, but it was 100 miles away so he couldn't steam round shouting the odds - he had 4 days to think about our life, our relationship and when I got back i didn't hear a murmur of negativity.

Thats not to say we are perfect now and I am still on the meds, but I am dealing with that in my own way. He has his odd moments, but these days I just leave him to it - if he's so fooking great at it and i'm so crap, get on with it! The meds have helped me in many ways - not least given me confidence and clarity on how to deal with things - I'm not suggesting you are depressed, an over critical spouse can make you think you are when clearly you aren't, it's them that needs help - but it's a possibility. I just wanted to share my story as it seemed very similar.

My kids are now 3 (yes twins - which may have contributed to the stress!), and me and DH have a regular going out routine in the week (we have no family close by so no baby sitters), where one goes out and the other does bedtime - we each do it our own way and both ways work, so we don't critise each other. I can also leave him for extended periods of time (weekends, or a week), so no longer feel trapped by my kids or by my life and has also showed him if he is gonna big himself up at being the better parent then he's gonna be called upon to prove it from time to time!

Good luck - sit down and talk to DP first off (I did try the talking route, but my dh isn't one for words - my actions defo spoke louder), and see if you can't agree something first - give him a chance to see that how he is is hurting you and therefore hurting your relationship.

ivykaty44 · 26/11/2007 16:02

He hasn't ever looked after her for more than a couple of hours - but he would make me feel guilty for leaving her if I suggested going away. And he would never admit it even if he did find it hard.

That is why going away for the weekend is really a good idea, it will give you a much needed break and refresh - which will make you a better mum. We always do a better job when we have had a break.

No need for your dp to have to admit he hasn't coped - with the housework work, laundry, cooking, washing up etc - do you really think he will be able to keep up with all this? Just leave him a list of all the "normal" jobs he will need to do and make sure you ask why he hasn't done any jobs on the list....

As for the guilt - well why on earth should you feel guilty? why does he want to make you feel guilty - can't he cope for the weekend with a toddler. It will be excellent daddy bonding time.

amiandlils · 26/11/2007 16:07

I must say I have tried to talk to him about his attitude in the past - but he just rolls his eyes as if to say "ffs stop going on". Two years ago I would have said he and I were complete soulmates - now it just seems the pure sight of me irritates him. Against all my instincts having a baby seems to have driven us apart.

I know its a bloody stressful time. My first husband left when my ds was 18 months old - couldn't handle it. He is now married again with four more kids... Dh thinks I am a pretty crap mother to my 12 old ds as well by the way.

I'm sure I have insecurity issues, and probably make the situation worse myself - but this isn't how I wanted it to be.

I don't feel depressed at all, having dd has been more pleasure than I ever imagined - but sometimes is f*+@ing hard work.

I don't know any of my friends who experience this kind of criticism - or perhaps they just don't talk about it?

OP posts:
amiandlils · 26/11/2007 16:12

mrsmcv, now you mention it I should have seen this coming. I remember him telling the midwife after the birth that he was quite pleased we had arrived at hospital too late for an epidural...

Would love to go away for a weekend - but so broke at the moment am considering cancelling Christmas.

Of course having no money = extra stress and absolutely no fun time for him and I.

OP posts:
Wisteria · 26/11/2007 16:18

It could be that making him worse tbh. We are having an extremely short period at the moment which I know I am responsible for as I can't work properly due to illness, at the moment - it stresses me out and so I get on at him more, totally unfair I know.

In fact the more you talk about your dp the more I feel crap about myself! I hate making my dp feel like that but it seems almost compulsive.

smithfield · 26/11/2007 16:20

amiandlils- You should not be blaming yourself in 'ANY' way quote;

I'm sure I have insecurity issues, and probably make the situation worse myself - but this isn't how I wanted it to be.

Any insecurity is being fuelled by 'his' behaviour. It is 'his' shortcomings creating this issue 'not' yours.

As the mother of his child you deserve and should nothing less than 100% love and support...that's what a 'partner' is supposed to do, share the burden...not add to it.

Do you have any family close by? Do you have any other form of support open to you?

smithfield · 26/11/2007 16:23

just cross posted and was quite re epidural comment- can he be a bit contrilling?

smithfield · 26/11/2007 16:24

just cross posted and was quite re epidural comment- can he be a bit controlling?

amiandlils · 26/11/2007 16:24

So sorry Wisteria! Don't want to make you feel bad.

Our financial situation is a long story - failure of his business, bankruptcy, now earning much less than he wants to. I have pretty much carried us financially for the last three years - can't do much for a man's self esteem, so maybe you are right about that.

OP posts:
amiandlils · 26/11/2007 16:29

Hi smithfield - yes I am lucky enough to have a brilliant mum and sister close by.

I wouldn't have said he was controlling - he would tell you I wear the trousers in the house and he's probably right. Like I said I think I am just a huge disappointment to him.

I remember vividly him telling me how his ex-wife 'changed' after their son was born...

OP posts:
Meeely2 · 26/11/2007 16:39

amiandlils - this sounds like a classic "i am no longer the centre of attention, so i am sulking and i will make sure she feels bad about that in the only way i know how".....I could be completely off centre here, but a lot of men really look forward to being a dad and then are suddenly faced with feeling 'pushed out' by the new baby. It is BECAUSE you are a GREAT mum that he is behaving like this, pure and simple he is jealous - but thats just my opinion of course.....

talktothebees · 26/11/2007 16:41

is he like this with other people or just you?

funny how both women in his life mysteriously changed after having a baby?

ivykaty44 · 26/11/2007 16:44

Perhaps because you are short of money he sees that as his fault - you know man bread winner etc. So he critises you doing your 8mummy* job as this makes him feel better as he is not bringing home enough dough - just a thought.

Wisteria · 26/11/2007 18:44

You are not a huge disapopintment to him sweetheart; he is a huge disappointment to himself.

The truth is that he is picking at you in order to make his shortcomings less of an issue (he takes the focus off himself by making you feel like he does). He feels people are judging him all the time because he is a 'failure' in his own eyes.

(By the way he won't admit any of this but you can hold the moral high ground!)

Incidentally, he can't make you feel insecure, you do that to yourself - be strong and have the courage of your convictions, stand up to him and give it back for a while - you are the fabulous parent here and he is the one with massive issues. He needs some counselling, but he won't go I think as that would be admitting defeat and failure again...

Wisteria · 26/11/2007 18:48

PS - You are not making me feel bad - I do that to myself (I learnt that ).

It does me good to read things like this anyway as it reinforces the path I'm on.

Try not to hold it all against him if you can, it is a terrible feeling to feel like a failure especially when that view has been reinforced by parents or siblings or whatever for years and years, before he even met you. He needs your support to change but he does have to admit that he has the problem first and that can take a long time...... hope you are ok.