DP thinks I am a bad mother...

[amiandlils]

Finding things tough at the moment as I feel as if my dp and I are on different planets.

Our dd was born 15 months ago and she didn't sleep through the night for the first year of her life. Needless to say I had moments of being completely fed up and exhausted. We are in a similar situation now, after being ill, she will not go to sleep unless rocked in our arms, including when waking several times in the night. After a week of this I am fairly wrecked.

I don't have a problem dealing with the sleep issue as I know she can do it - the thing that gets me down is that dp just cannot identify with how I feel. He thinks its completely wrong for me to get stressed at her not sleeping.

In fact I get the impression my performance as a mother has been a complete disappointment to him. He only ever criticises - not once has he ever said that I am doing good job - am I expecting too much?

My DS4 was a terrible sleeper. He didn't sleep through the night for three years. On the other hand he would quite happily have fed through the night if my boobs could take it, but alas, they couldn't. One night I was walking him up and down, up and down, rocking him, crying my eyes out and begging him to go to sleep. In the morning my STBXH said "why do you hate your baby?" Do what, I said. "I heard you last night, you were cursing him; he's only a helpless little baby, you know." Unfortunately instead of collapsing and admitting my crime, I wanted to know why the blue blazes (polite version) he had left me to it instead of offering to take a turn. He said er, he was asleep really, he just sort of heard it and then dropped off again. I gave him a totally withering look, and have not forgiven him to this day, some ten years on. Chapter 31 in a series explaining why he is STBX.

I read about so many men on MN who are just like my husband (and x-h) I wonder if all men are like this.

I realise now after 10 years that my husband puts me down to make himself feel better. In truth he knows that I know better than him and he has actually admitted that I am far cleverer than he is. I remind myself of this everytime he tries to put me down and it doesn't work (so much, depending of TOTM) anymore.