I do know this is awful btw, I just have no one else to talk to about it.
I thought I would write it here rather than go mad.
Last night myself and DP of 10 years went to the pub. Historically he has always been friendly, charming and nice and drinking made him more so. Recently, it makes him act like a cunt. Things outside of that aren't great either.
Anyway. In the outdoor bit of the pub were (made up names) John and Sarah (acquaintances to us) sat together and then Mike with a group of people we sort of very vaguely know to nod to. So no one is very well known to each other is my point.
DP starts talking to John and Sarah. Due to the way the tables and chairs were positioned I couldn't really join in much unless I was going to start shouting like a maniac. Mike came over and sat near me and we started talking.
Just FYI, Mike is in a LTR, there is absolutely no vibes/attraction/flirtyness between us at all. He talks about his GF all the time.
At various points when what we were talking about lulled, we looked over at my DP, John and Sarah and smiled, nodded and said the odd thing. As I've said though it literally wasn't really possible to join in. No biggy, right?
At some point my DP did his now standard thing of kind of "turning". I think in my mind he didn't like me taking to Mike. At the same time he was able to convince himself I had some sort of issue with him talking to John and Sarah and not involving me, which was not the case.
FYI, before Mike came over DP left me out of the conversation and did not give a rat's ass about it. I think Mike may well have come over because he saw how rude my DP was being.
Anyway, DP starts turning around intermittently, giving Mike a dirty look and being horrible to me. Sarcastic, goady and assuming I am being a bitch about him talking to other people. I didn't respond as frankly I'm fucking tired of this bullshit.
Mike started to, not overly directly pull him up on the way he spoke to me. He said he shouldn't talk to me that way and also that he had invited me to go out for lunch with him and his GF, so I could actually have a good time for once. This was all half joking but half not between them until my DP very nastily said, oh well don't let us keep you from your friends. Meaning this group of people I mentioned earlier. This group are by now all looking over vaguely horrified.
Anyway my DP then flounces out of the pub. I get up to leave as I don't want to stay anyway. Mike tells me not to let that expletive deleted bully me, and all the group I mentioned earlier look like they feel sorry for me.
We get home, DP starts being a shit. I told him what Mike said, basically to try and shock him into seeing how a whole group of people basically were there pitying me because of his stupid behaviour. He kicks off, tells me to "go with him then", "let's break up, there'll be no shortages of opportunities for you."
Anyway, I then just tell him to fuck himself repeatedly until he pisses off and leaves me alone.
Next day he remembers nothing, blames drink and asks me to accept his apology.
The thing is, I accept he's sorry it happened. If everything else was great with us I would move past it, but it isn't. Plus if I did what he did, I very much doubt he'd let it go as easily.
Sorry for the brain dump. Feel a bit better writing it out. I feel so embarrassed. That doesn't seem fair, I didn't do anything wrong.
Please don't be too harsh to me, I'm at a real low with this and so much more.