Would you be more angry with your partner or the other women?

[ABet08x]

I’m asking this on behalf of one of my friends who is a bit stuck on what to do.

If your partner had been speaking to his ex girlfriend (they had a rough relationship from what I can gather which involved situations surrounding a miscarriage) and was telling her that he missed her and that he thinks about her regularly and then hinted he could book a day off to meet her and then said to his ex that ‘you never know what the future may hold, we could reconnect’... would you be more angry with him or his ex?

My friend has advised that his ex doesn’t really flirt back and from the text conversations she’s seen, the messages usually end up in both her partner and his ex getting very sentimental and a bit upset about the miscarriage and other very personal situations and they sort of console each other in a way. He has never told his ex that his a girlfriend who he has been with for 4 years and they are not friends on any social media.

She doesn’t think they’ve physically met up nor had sex since the break up 5 years ago but she’s stuck on whether she’s in the wrong about being angry at his ex.

I personally would be angrier with my partner as he is the one actively flirting but she’s absolutely raging with the ex.

Any help would be appreciated! Thank you x

The partner is a rat! The ex doesn’t even flirt back according to you so why your friend is raging with her is a bit unfair - she should direct her anger towards her partner and get rid

Why is she angry with the ex who has no idea she exists?

The ex doesn’t even know he’s in a relationship! How can she be in the wrong? He’s the one in the wrong here not the ex.

@Purplecatshopaholic

The partner is a rat! The ex doesn’t even flirt back according to you so why your friend is raging with her is a bit unfair - she should direct her anger towards her partner and get rid

I’ve asked my friend exactly what they say and she said there are kisses at the end of the messages and every now and again a wink emoji or kissing face emoji is passed between them, but the ex has never given any indication that she wants to meet up nor wants to start an affair.

I completely agree with you that he is a rat, it’s just shocking to me as he is the nicest guy and always appears to be besotted with my friend and then has been doing this for 3 years behind her back!!

I know the partner has photos of my friend and him on his Facebook and social media, but we’ve searched his ex and they’re definitely not friends on anything. My friend seems to think the ex would have Facebooked him and seen them, but Ive tried to explain that there’s no way I’d be facebooking my ex, I’ve got him blocked!

In that situation I wouldn't be at all angry with the ex. My partner on the other hand...

Partner most definitely. But obviously, iff cast as poor Diddums is being 'reeled' in by this scarlet woman (who is being pretty useless in that role) your friend will not feel the need to address the real issue at any point soon. Which is her partner is one hell of a shit. Pure avoidance.

Obviously him!! The ex has no idea he has a gf

The partner...definitely.
It sounds like your friend is looking for approval to stay in the relationship. Looking for some sort of "it's not his fault" It is. 100%

Sounds like the partner is instigating it all to be honest. Not fair on your friend or his ex girlfriend to be honest. The blame would lie at his door here I feel.

Partner obviously.

May be easier for her to blame the ex.

But this is on him.

Partner. What he is saying is totally inappropriate and it sounds as though it would escalate if he had his way.

The partner obviously.
Who is intending on trying his best to either get back with his ex, or have his cake and eat it.
No reason at all to be angry with the ex.

He would be my ex partner as soon as I found out about that shit

I suppose its probably easier to be angry at someone you don't know than having to admit to yourself the person who you love and thought loved you too is, in fact, an arsehole.

What the hell has the ex done wrong?

I agree with all of you. My friends reasoning for being angry with the ex is that she should have asked him if he was single. But to me, that is not the ex’s responsibility.

If anything I feel very sorry for the ex as going from the screenshots that my friend has taken of their chats, the ex still seems very upset about the miscarriage, 5 years on.

I do also think my friend is doing this as she’s terrified of losing him as they’ve just bought a house together.

The ex doesn't seem to have done anything wrong at all. It's a massive stretch to be angry with her!

How can anyone be angry at her?

She doesn't know your friend exists. She every well may have asked him if he was now single.....but that's actually his job to make sure she knew he wasn't.

Its completely him. I would make sure his ex knew he was in a relationship, so both women knew exactly what he was like and both dump him.

Why do people always blame the OW.
She is single, she can see who she likes. She obviously think she's single.
Even if she was flirting she's still not to blame.

He is the one in a relationship, he should be focusing on that relationship not off chatting other women up.

It is solely him to blame.

He's not the bloke from the other thread, whose girlfriend was texting him whilst he was sleeping next to his ex

Why would anyone be cross with the ex girlfriend

One of the messages he sent the ex hinted that he would get back with her if she’d have him and the ex replied with a load of laughing face emojis and eye rolling emojis and then changed the conversation.

He has hinted in the texts that if he did see his ex more frequently, he would fall in love with her again and that he regrets everything.

My heart breaks for both my friend and the ex, because whilst she’s not responding back with anything that would suggest she is interested in him again, the miscarriage situation is very dominant in the text messages.

They also wish each other a happy birthday on each of their birthdays; but I’m not reading to much into that as it could just be friendly.

Objectively, I think it’s always the partner/spouse that you should be angriest with. In that situation, most people seem to be angry with the other person, regardless of how complicit they are in the event. I think when it’s someone you love, you thought was a decent person it’s hard to get that anger. At least at first. If you open the door to the anger, you also open the door to the agonising pain that someone you love could treat you that way.

Your friend is either braindead or just in total denial about her boyfriend

It's not the ex's job to ascertain whether he's single - he knows he's not.

Your friend is fooling herself.