Would you be more angry with your partner or the other women?

[ABet08x]

I’m asking this on behalf of one of my friends who is a bit stuck on what to do.

If your partner had been speaking to his ex girlfriend (they had a rough relationship from what I can gather which involved situations surrounding a miscarriage) and was telling her that he missed her and that he thinks about her regularly and then hinted he could book a day off to meet her and then said to his ex that ‘you never know what the future may hold, we could reconnect’... would you be more angry with him or his ex?

My friend has advised that his ex doesn’t really flirt back and from the text conversations she’s seen, the messages usually end up in both her partner and his ex getting very sentimental and a bit upset about the miscarriage and other very personal situations and they sort of console each other in a way. He has never told his ex that his a girlfriend who he has been with for 4 years and they are not friends on any social media.

She doesn’t think they’ve physically met up nor had sex since the break up 5 years ago but she’s stuck on whether she’s in the wrong about being angry at his ex.

I personally would be angrier with my partner as he is the one actively flirting but she’s absolutely raging with the ex.

Any help would be appreciated! Thank you x

Is this a reverse? Are you the ex?

@Anonapuss

Is this a reverse? Are you the ex?

Luckily not, because I would not want to be on my friends warpath! Haha

@InTheNightWeWillWish

Objectively, I think it’s always the partner/spouse that you should be angriest with. In that situation, most people seem to be angry with the other person, regardless of how complicit they are in the event. I think when it’s someone you love, you thought was a decent person it’s hard to get that anger. At least at first. If you open the door to the anger, you also open the door to the agonising pain that someone you love could treat you that way.

This is what I think may be why she is so opposed to the ex. I think there are things she’s not disclosing to our friendship group which is understandable considering the situation.

@Flowers500

Your friend is either braindead or just in total denial about her boyfriend

I agree. This is fuck all to do with the ex.

She needs to wake up and smell the coffee. Forget about the ex. If he wasn’t flirting with her he would be doing it with someone else. He has at least been faithful to his ex in that respect. Which makes it all the worst. He is a one woman man but that woman isn’t the current girlfriend.

She’s focusing on the ex because it’s easier. If she can put all the responsibility and anger on the ex, she doesn’t have to confront the very real problems with her partner, and the possible consequences of his behaviour. She’s playing ostrich.

Why would she possibly be angry with the ex? Does she not understand that when you need to rely on other women to say no, so your partner stays faithful your relationship is fucked? Does she not understand the ex has said no, but it’s not relevant, he wants the ex, why is she acting like a doormat and staying with him and second best?

Usually I'd blame them.both in equal measures, in a typical affair situation, but the poor ex is completely innocent as she has no idea your friend exists!!! How on earth can the poor woman be to blame? He on the other hand, what a catch....she needs to be honest with herself and get shot of him

Your friend is being vvvvvvv unreasonable to be annoyed at his ex for several reasons

She doesn't know he's got a gf
She's not flirting, in fact it sounds like she's talking to him as a friend

I'd be angry at my partner, every time. Your partner owes you something (trust, respect etc). A random person who you have never even met owes you absolutely nothing.

I am honestly at a loss to understand why she would be angry with the ex at all, never mind be angrier with her.

The partner, by a thousand times. What loyalty does the OW have to you?