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Relationships

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Original poster

Partner very friendly with strangers

49 replies

Meena2020 · 20/07/2021 15:04

I have been with my partner for almost 2 years now.

He is a very friendly man. Each time we pass by strangers( men and women) he would always smile and say hi. He doesn't act any different whether I'm here or not.

One night I met him at his workplace and I noticed that he seemed to know most girls as he was having small chats with them. Most of these girls were not working on the same floor as him.

Also I remember in the early days, he spoke about going cycling with a neighbour. He told me she was married and that it's just a friendly thing to do.

I never saw him flirt. He will be friendly with other girls whether I'm here or not.

Yesterday he told me he'd like to invite a former female colleague at the house at some point (we live together now). He told me she's a serious women, married with kids. That he sat next to her for years and that he doesn't see anything wrong with that.

Would you think any of these is inappropriate?

I understand it's his personalality to be friendly with everyone but if I'm honest I don't like it. I see women smiling and staring at him sometimes when meeting him at his workplace.

OP posts:

Sakurami · 20/07/2021 15:07

I think it's nice that he's a friendly guy. Don't see the problem.

Ragwort · 20/07/2021 15:11

You sound unhinged, surely it is a good personal skill to be 'friendly' and 'smile' at people. I am friendly, I know lots of people ... when I go out with my DH lots of people stop and talk to me ... DH hardly knows anyone as he is a grumpy git. . But I don't 'fancy' the people I am smiling at or chatting to, I just enjoy talking to people.

LlamaGiles · 20/07/2021 15:13

My DP is the same, extremely gregarious. He has as many female friends as male ones. Literally anyone is a potential friend in his eyes! It's one of the things that attracted me to him as I had quite a difficult upbringing that left me mistrustful of people, I can be a bit defensive around people I don't know. I see it as a really nice trait.

You are going to have to either accept him or end the relationship, it's not fair or reasonable to ask him to change and he probably couldn't even if he wanted to.

Bluntness100 · 20/07/2021 15:13

Well ok, no it’s not inappropriate, he’s just a friendly guy, the issue is you are jealous and insecure. I’m assuming that’s why you don’t like him talking to women? If so then this is your issue to manage and you can’t make it his.

CarnationCat · 20/07/2021 15:16

No, I wouldn't think anything of it. He's naturally friendly. A refreshing change to the rudeness of a lot of people nowadays.

Are you thinking he's having an affair with this woman? I don't think he would be bringing her to your house in broad daylight and discussing it with you if that was the case. They're likely just friends.

youdontnome · 20/07/2021 15:21

You could be describing my husband. I find it amusing and feel lucky that I have such an outgoing and friendly partner. After 30 years some of it has even rubbed off on me!

Original poster

Meena2020 · 20/07/2021 15:22

Thanks all for your replies.

I don't think of myself of a jealous person. I don't mind him saying hi to other girls. I wrote that just to give a bit of context.

I think what bothers me is that sometimes other women he speaks to perceive his "friendliness" as a sign he might like them.

Recently one of the girl he barely knew from work asked him on a date by text.

OP posts:

Original poster

Meena2020 · 20/07/2021 15:25

@youdontnome

You could be describing my husband. I find it amusing and feel lucky that I have such an outgoing and friendly partner. After 30 years some of it has even rubbed off on me!

Aww I'm happy to hear. I do feel lucky, he is a very nice and caring person.

I realise too that I need to work on myself to become better person.

OP posts:

Urbandweller · 20/07/2021 15:27

What was his response to the text? He may enjoy feeling flattered when these women he ‘accidentally’ gives the wrong impression to ask him out or stare and smile at him.

I may be cynical but I think most women would only ask a man out if they received strong signals he was single or some other kind of encouragement.

newdaynew · 20/07/2021 15:31

@Meena2020

Thanks all for your replies.

I don't think of myself of a jealous person. I don't mind him saying hi to other girls. I wrote that just to give a bit of context.

I think what bothers me is that sometimes other women he speaks to perceive his "friendliness" as a sign he might like them.

Recently one of the girl he barely knew from work asked him on a date by text.

This can definitely happen @Meena2020 and so it can be risky being friendly with everyone. On balance, though, it is probably better to be in a relationship with a friendly man, just so long as he's aware of the potential risks as well. Is he that aware, do you think?

Honeyroar · 20/07/2021 15:34

It doesn’t really matter how the ladies perceive his friendliness- as long as he’s just being friendly and not asking them on dates it’s not a problem.

newdaynew · 20/07/2021 15:41

@Honeyroar

It doesn’t really matter how the ladies perceive his friendliness- as long as he’s just being friendly and not asking them on dates it’s not a problem.

It could be a potential problem if the woman starts being a bit too over-familiar and starts to expect regular contact because she misinterprets his friendliness as the beginning of a more serious relationship. The best way to avoid this is for the man to continually reference his partner during conversation.

LouLou789 · 20/07/2021 15:46

I once dated a bloke like this. He wasn’t flirty or anything, just very chatty with everyone, especially women. With him, it turned out he had a problem with deeper, more intimate relationships (insecure after two failed marriages) so found it hard to cope with too much one to one time, therefore seeking out extra company all the time. I’m not saying this is the case with your bloke, just that it’s worth thinking about what he “gets” from this friendliness. It could be just a question of being able to feel he’s a good person (some people need this external validation)

Scarby9 · 20/07/2021 15:51

I smile at, and talk to, anyone and everyone.
My London cousin was appalled when I arrived at his house, having chatted with various people on public transport on my way from King's Cross.
I was brought up this way, and to be honest, it isn't abnormal where I grew up or where I live now (both oop north).

Original poster

Meena2020 · 20/07/2021 15:51

@Urbandweller

What was his response to the text? He may enjoy feeling flattered when these women he ‘accidentally’ gives the wrong impression to ask him out or stare and smile at him.

I may be cynical but I think most women would only ask a man out if they received strong signals he was single or some other kind of encouragement.

The message showed up while we were watching a video on his phone. He told me he was just going to ignore her and not respond.

I said why don't you just say you are in a relationship? He said ok and replied to her saying that.

I have no doubts he is cheating.

One time he smiled at a woman on the street and she started to really hit on him. I spoke to him about it casually and he said he did notice that she was flirting with him but it wasn't his fault and then said to me, I'll stop saying hi other women if that's what you want. The way he said it was as if he was to blame.

I really do love him.

OP posts:

newdaynew · 20/07/2021 15:54

Could you start mirroring his behaviour when you encounter other men @Meena2020 ? Then he might start to understand how you feel ?

youdontnome · 20/07/2021 15:57

@Meena2020

Thanks all for your replies.

I don't think of myself of a jealous person. I don't mind him saying hi to other girls. I wrote that just to give a bit of context.

I think what bothers me is that sometimes other women he speaks to perceive his "friendliness" as a sign he might like them.

Recently one of the girl he barely knew from work asked him on a date by text.

This has definitely happened with my dh! Once when I was with him at a wedding reception and very visibly pregnant! I know him, so know he is just being his talkative, friendly self, but I can see from the other side people might think he's flirting. As long as you are secure in you relationship you will get used to it. In my experience he isn't going to change and I wouldn't want him to.

OrchestraOfWankery · 20/07/2021 15:59

Is it only women he's so friendly with?

Did he show you the text about the date?

mindutopia · 20/07/2021 16:03

I wouldn’t be bothered by this. Dh is really friendly and had lots of female friends when I met him (also friends with their partners, still friends now 12 years after we started dating). As long as he maintains appropriate boundaries, I think that’s fine.

Though I have to say that dh’s innocent friendliness has gotten him in trouble more than once. He’s so friendly and chatty, even to other men, that I’ve had to fend a few of them off who thought he was gay (obviously they are too). Once he got chatting to a guy in the toilets at a bar (who does this?!), who said he had just moved to our city (expats living somewhere with only a small English speaking community). They ended up exchanging numbers because Dh offered to show him around. Let’s just say he got in touch and was definitely not interested in seeing the tourist sights. 😂

YouShouldLeave · 20/07/2021 16:08

I find this personality type exhausting.
I had friend like this once.
We could never do anything together, because her focus was always on other people.

seensome · 20/07/2021 16:15

Is it just women he likes to be friends with?
I'm being honest and I wouldn't like it, must be hard work keeping up with all these friends.

Mojitoqueen · 20/07/2021 19:31

I think as a woman you are either cool with it until proven otherwise or your just not cool with it and find it hard to accept.
Some guys are more feminine than others, and have more female friends too.
I personally wouldn’t like it. I have my own shit, it doesn’t make me jealous and controlling - I just don’t go for partners with close female friends.
It’s tough because you can’t call him out when he’s done nothing wrong and if he’s like this with everyone it’s how he’s always been.
Why is he giving his number out though? And I would imagine if women are making moves on him he must be giving off strong signals. I would definitely be on my toes about that.
It’s a hard one.

TacCat49 · 20/07/2021 22:06

Is he from New Zealand by any chance? Us NZ'ers are like that. I always say hullo to strangers i meet in the street or the unknown person sitting next to me on the bus/plane. But I have noticed when i go overseas and say hullo to strangers they can be very wary of me.

ImbarbaraB · 20/07/2021 22:12

My DH is very friendly and has a way to make people feel completely at ease in his presence
Women flock to him because he is friendly but not at all creepy
I love him for it. I encourage his female friendships and him to be as friendly with my friends as he can

My ex was a misery guts and this is a breath of fresh air (even after 7 years)

crosshatching · 20/07/2021 22:15

Eh. I'm married to a Kiwi, he's not like this!

How supportive is he of you making friends and being super chatty with other blokes other people in general? If he's happy for you to do it too, then I broadly think it's fine. If not it's more questionable. I think a good guy would be letting people know he isn't available though.

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