Partner very friendly with strangers

[Meena2020]

I have been with my partner for almost 2 years now.

He is a very friendly man. Each time we pass by strangers( men and women) he would always smile and say hi. He doesn't act any different whether I'm here or not.

One night I met him at his workplace and I noticed that he seemed to know most girls as he was having small chats with them. Most of these girls were not working on the same floor as him.

Also I remember in the early days, he spoke about going cycling with a neighbour. He told me she was married and that it's just a friendly thing to do.

I never saw him flirt. He will be friendly with other girls whether I'm here or not.

Yesterday he told me he'd like to invite a former female colleague at the house at some point (we live together now). He told me she's a serious women, married with kids. That he sat next to her for years and that he doesn't see anything wrong with that.

Would you think any of these is inappropriate?

I understand it's his personalality to be friendly with everyone but if I'm honest I don't like it. I see women smiling and staring at him sometimes when meeting him at his workplace.

@YouShouldLeave

I find this personality type exhausting. I had friend like this once. We could never do anything together, because her focus was always on other people.

Quite. The people I’ve come across who are “friends with everyone” tend to have rather superficial friendships.

TBH I’m surprised so many people find his behaviour endearing. It seems a bit odd to say the least. OP says he smiles and says hi to complete strangers in the street. Some women mind even find that quite alarming especially if they are walking alone late in the evening.

I went on a couple of dates with someone like this. No matter where we went he talked to everyone around him. And it was never a simple hello, he would always comment on something about them. Honestly it was exhausting. I could tell some people were bothered by it. We didn’t make it past the second date 😂

I really love this in people actually. Relationships with people like this bring out the best in me.

I think this type of person is fine if at the same time they can make their partners comfortable and secure that they are number 1.

If he's the type to do this yet you feel insecure, jealous and a bit paranoid then the groundwork hasn't been done and his behaviour could start to grate.

@Urbandweller

What was his response to the text? He may enjoy feeling flattered when these women he ‘accidentally’ gives the wrong impression to ask him out or stare and smile at him.

I may be cynical but I think most women would only ask a man out if they received strong signals he was single or some other kind of encouragement.

I think some women see a man chatting to them as him chatting them up. A single friend has ended up hurt by this a few times - having misread friendliness as flirting.

I have a dp like this and it took me a while to get used to as im a mistrustful miserable bugger!..luckily i have relaxed and see it as a lovely thing.
The only concern i have is that as he only sees the good in people he an get exploited/ hit on but i cant enforce boundaries for him.

My DH is like this although I hadn't really observed it properly until we got a dog. He couldn't ever be accused of being inappropriate because he's like this with everyone regardless of age or gender. He has a wide smile as people approach and he will maintain looking at them for longer than I would. He will call out 'hello' while they are still a distance away and then engage them in conversation.

But - and this is interesting - I have observed subtle differences when we encounter the more attractive women.

I'm not suggesting he is actively choosing to be gregarious for the following reason, but: what better way to sidestep being accused of flirting with attractive women when you can say 'I'm like that with everyone'?!

@Justthinkingin

My DH is like this although I hadn't really observed it properly until we got a dog. He couldn't ever be accused of being inappropriate because he's like this with everyone regardless of age or gender. He has a wide smile as people approach and he will maintain looking at them for longer than I would. He will call out 'hello' while they are still a distance away and then engage them in conversation.

But - and this is interesting - I have observed subtle differences when we encounter the more attractive women.

I'm not suggesting he is actively choosing to be gregarious for the following reason, but: what better way to sidestep being accused of flirting with attractive women when you can say 'I'm like that with everyone'?!

Can I ask, doesn't this bother you?

@Meena2020 yes it bothers me, of course it does. I would love to be with someone who only had eyes for me.

Unless he's doing this only with women or doesn't make it clear to them that he's not interested in them romantically if they do start showing interest, then I don't see the problem.

However you should break up with him. Not because he's doing anything wrong but because you're fundamentally incompatible since his personality makes you jealous and it will only get worse and it would be sad if he felt fried to change his positive vibes because of you. People like him really brighten up a lot of people's days. He'll be much better suited to someone who's more similar to him and actually enjoys being outwardly friendly to everyone. Life's short, why shouldn't people be friendly to one another, we're all humans after all!

*"he had to" , not "fried" !

"surely it is a good personal skill to be 'friendly' and 'smile' at people."

Not strangers. For a woman at least, that can be quite dangerous.

Obviously, there is nothing wrong with inviting a former colleague to the house and OP is being unreasonable there.

@sunnyzweibrucken

I went on a couple of dates with someone like this. No matter where we went he talked to everyone around him. And it was never a simple hello, he would always comment on something about them. Honestly it was exhausting. I could tell some people were bothered by it. We didn’t make it past the second date 😂

Yeah, I'm not an extrovert so I can't deal with this, but it's just personality types. Someone who is friendly with everyone at work is great though. I just don't want to go to a cafe to speak to people at other tables.

"I'm not suggesting he is actively choosing to be gregarious for the following reason, but: what better way to sidestep being accused of flirting with attractive women when you can say 'I'm like that with everyone'?!"

Talking to everyone you meet throughout your entire life just so you have an excuse to flirt? I don't think anyone would have the energy to fake their personality like that.

I’m definitely not someone who cares if my DH or former boyfriends had female friendships. I like people who talk to everyone and anyone at work, who socialise easily (prob cause I’m a bit like that though I also get exhausted by being like that).
What I definitely didn’t like was a guy I dated for less than two weeks because I found he did that (pestering people in the pub, talking to everyone he met on the street/train station etc. Usually when they were giving out please go away signals). He turned it into an “aren’t I so quirky and interesting and intelligent” trope.
I’ve been “friends “ with him for twenty years.
He has treated every woman (and man) he’s been with like that - it quickly becomes a you are so boring compared to X feeling.
I can just about tolerate him now (“friends” because he imposed himself on me for years).
I digress but I think there’s a way of talking/being open to everyone and anyone and a way of making it be about making your partner seem less interesting/engaging/attractive and that I do NOT like.
Also, if a man started talking to me for no reason I’d be inclined to ask him exactly what he wants and unless it’s Kit Harington, he’d better have more to say than “being friendly”

When they instantaneously pull away mid-conversation (when you're the one speaking) to say hello to some random stranger that really smarts.

To the OP, it sounds very much to me like you don't have issues with him being friendly to everyone, but what is concerning you is that his friendliness can be misinterpreted. Have you actually explained to him how other women might be misinterpreting him?
e.g. my partner got on really well with a woman with a similar personality to him, but then she started revealing intimate details (not sexual) about her family life. He of course told me but I would imagine she would be mortified if she thought I knew. He had obviously given her 'agony aunt' vibes. Could you maybe give him some examples?

If you invited a male friend to the house or went out to do an activity with one, would he care?

How I would feel would depend on his reaction to you doing similar.

@Gwenhwyfar

"I'm not suggesting he is actively choosing to be gregarious for the following reason, but: what better way to sidestep being accused of flirting with attractive women when you can say 'I'm like that with everyone'?!"

Talking to everyone you meet throughout your entire life just so you have an excuse to flirt? I don't think anyone would have the energy to fake their personality like that.

Yes, that sounds like a huge amount of work to put in over a lifetime as a ‘flirtation alibi’.

My ex was like this - he had no actual friends but loved the sound of his own voice so would get into long chats with strangers to boost his ego. He once said he did it to brighten their day as he considered himself so humorous. I used to tell him to talk to me not the people around me as we were in the supermarket - his volume went up a gear when he thought he could get some attention for whatever remark he was about to make.

Based on my experience, for me it would now be a red flag. Not saying it is for everyone of course.

I wish my OH was like this. He can be quite grumpy and struggles a bit with small talk/keeping a conversation gping.

Saying that, he is who he is. Same as your partner. I really enjoy a genuinely friendly person.

In a nice way - do you think the real issue here you have trust issues or feel insecure?

@SarahDarah

Unless he's doing this only with women or doesn't make it clear to them that he's not interested in them romantically if they do start showing interest, then I don't see the problem.

However you should break up with him. Not because he's doing anything wrong but because you're fundamentally incompatible since his personality makes you jealous and it will only get worse and it would be sad if he felt fried to change his positive vibes because of you. People like him really brighten up a lot of people's days. He'll be much better suited to someone who's more similar to him and actually enjoys being outwardly friendly to everyone. Life's short, why shouldn't people be friendly to one another, we're all humans after all!

I agree with this. Some people just aren't right for each other and any compromise can just lead to them 'cancelling out' each other's positive qualities.

He is being massively inappropriate being friendly with people, especially women

How dare he

Ltb