Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

You'll Love This...

33 replies

TreadmillMom · 26/11/2007 13:51

I am married with 2 DSs aged 4 and 2 and work 3 days a week.
Have posted on Mumsnet before complaining that my DH very rarely allows me a lie in at weekends as he's always in the flaming bed.
Anyway, Saturday he gets up at 12pm, Sunday at 10:30am I go upstairs get into bed and ask if he?ll get up and look after the kids so I can have a little lie in.
His response, you?ll love this, ?I DO WORK FULL TIME YOU KNOW!?
Didn?t get my lie in AGAIN!

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 26/11/2007 13:53

Bloody hell
Is there a whiff of burning martyr in your house?

What an arse

Mung · 26/11/2007 13:54

How about just putting your DSs into bed with him and then going back downstairs to lay on the sofa?

LoveMyGirls · 26/11/2007 13:55

What a twat!

So heres what you do.........tell him to book thu and fri off work because u are off to visit family......then bugger off and leave him to it!

Mung · 26/11/2007 13:55

I would be livid if DH said that to me and I am SAHM.

CountessDracula · 26/11/2007 13:57

I think you should tell him to grow up and take responsibility

If dh and I are tired one of (usually dh as he finds it hard to get up then go back to sleep) has a lie in til 10 then I go back to bed for an hour or so

Why does he need to sleep til 12 ffs?
Is he up late playing shitey computer games or getting pissed?

sparkybabe · 26/11/2007 13:58

You should have said I WORK FULL TIME TOO YOU KNOW!!!!!!!!!! Why donm't you agree to one day each of the weekend. I get sunday, dh gets saturday.

PrettyCandles · 26/11/2007 13:58

Um, no, he doesn't work full-time. He works fixed hours. Mind you, so do you - but yours are midnight to midnight, not 9-5.

Has he ever spent 24h or more alone with his children? He needs to!

bonkerz · 26/11/2007 14:03

i regularly tell my DH i would galdly get a full time job BUT he is to pay the childcare! Soon shuts him up!!!!

mosschops30 · 26/11/2007 14:03

my dh works full time (more than in fact). I am a student nurse sometimes on placement and sometimes in college. Normally dh does a saturday for me to lie in and I do sunday but they are negotiable.

I think he has to take some responsibility, its a bit mean

Mawma · 26/11/2007 14:06

you could be my friend tread as my friend is going through the same thing, my friend has 2kids age 8 and 3 and is 6m preg, she works x3 12hour shifts one week and x4 12hour shifts the following but this doesn't allow her a lie in, she does actually work more hours than he does but her dh says she also has days off, which is true but she cleans cooks and looks after their children, my friend had to go shopping on sat morn and woke her dh up at 10am saying could he get up and look after kids for an hour so she could get some xmas shopping done for their kids, she left at 10.15am and got back at 11.30am to find dh still in bed and the children in the living room with the contents of the fridge all over the sofa, youghurts you name it

Original poster
TreadmillMom · 26/11/2007 14:11

I have tried to get him to agree for us to regularly take it turns on a weekend and he reluctantly agrees but when the time comes he?s so sloth like he doesn?t budge, the kids cry, they?re hungry, they?re bored, he barks at them etc, etc, I get up.
Several times since we?ve become parents I have warned him that his love affair with his bed will be the ultimate downfall of our relationship, I get my lie ins for perhaps a month then we?re back to square one again.
In answer to your question CountessDracula he doesn?t do any of those things, he just looooovvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssss to sleep!

OP posts:
Mawma · 26/11/2007 14:16

tread i would make a point of organising days out at the weekend for you and the kids and let the sloth lie in bed while you are out having fun with the kids at the weekend, i actually feel for you and the kids having no family time together at the weekends while he lays in bed till 12noon, me and dh always make a point of getting up and organised on a sunday for 9am so that its not a wasted day

Dropdeadfred · 26/11/2007 14:18

he's being a sefish twat..and you, as you sadly know, are letting him

PrettyCandles · 26/11/2007 14:24

Are you sure he doesn't actually need the slwwp? What's h elike when you do get your lie-ins? Can he cope?

SheherazadetheSwedishgoat · 26/11/2007 14:24

he is being a dick. is is anygood apart from this.

Blu · 26/11/2007 14:26

Get up and out of bed, get dressed, head out to park / cafe / shops / gym / swimming pool.

Return 2 hours later.

Amethyst8 · 26/11/2007 14:59

Sorry but are you actually talking about my house? I have had one lie in in 14 months since DD was born. The thing he does that winds me up the most is he is full of promises for me to have a big lie in in the week preceding the weekend but then when DD stands up in her cot and starts shouting and banging about suddenly he is too exhausted to move, let alone open his eyes. If I wake him he thrashes about in bed and wakes up with a "start". he then pulls a face as though he has just climbed Mount Everest and pretends he can barely understand what I am saying because he is just THAT tired. After my one and only lie in he went on an on about it and how I am one lucky lady to have a man who looks after me like he does. It is just not worth it.

Original poster
TreadmillMom · 26/11/2007 15:17

OMG Amethyst8, my DH is leading a double life, you are describing my man!
Now I know why he?s so blooming tired, he has 2 families.
When I tried to get my lie in on Sunday he started an argument about the tone I was using, saying I wasn?t asking a question with a yes/no response but it was purely rhetorical because I WAS expecting him to get up (well, yes of course I did want him to say yes and get up).
For Chrissakes, I say, you?re starting an argument so we can just end up where it is already predicted, you in bed, me up with the kids!
I used to get the kids up and out but then I would be forced into some massive guilt trip for cutting him out of the family, he?d call me on my mobile (once awake) to find out where we were then all puppy dog ask why he isn?t included, followed by a well why don?t you wake me up then etc, etc.
It?s the same bickering discussion we?ve been having for 4 yrs with the same outcome!

OP posts:
bogie · 26/11/2007 15:25

just throw freezing cold water over him while he is having a lie in

Mawma · 26/11/2007 15:36

i'm afraid he is the only one who is cutting himself out of the family by lying in bed till nearly lunch time how can this be good for your kids, i wouldn't give a damn if he called when i was out with the kids, your kids need a life at the weekend too, i can see your kids school diaries now, " we went out with daddy at 2pm for a wlk in the park after he got out of bed" its certainly not funny and you are letting your self down by allowing him to do it, go out at the weekend and if he calls why didn't you wake me, tell him to set his alarm clock next time, i mean surely you discuss what you will be doing at the weekend with the kids or is it a wait and see when he finally wakes up

Original poster
TreadmillMom · 26/11/2007 15:49

We do stuff at the weekend as a family.
We go to soft play, the park, visits with other friends or family, country drives and swimming every Sunday, once my husband is up!
So, he has a lie in, I get up, get the kids fed and washed etc do house work, you know the score I don?t need to list everything then do the family stuff when he's up.
I enjoy our family time very much but I am perpetually tired and incredibly envious of his lie ins.
Friday night I went out with the girls, he put the kids to bed and his cousin came over to keep him company for the evening.
I'm home tipsy with my Donner Kebab and chips at 3am, up at 7am!

OP posts:
Blu · 26/11/2007 15:58

Make an agreement - alternate Saturday / Sundays, you each get a lie-in one one of those days, swap which each week.

Then, when it is your turn simply do not get out of bed. Say to the children ' 'Daddy will do it' and stick to that.

I know it's hard but you are just giving in to his immature responsibility-avoidance.

Don't complain or anything. Just say 'it's my morning, as we agreed, and that's the end of it', very calmly.

slug · 26/11/2007 16:04

And when he moans, roll over, taking duvet with you, place your foot in small of his back and push the lazy sod out of bed.

CountessDracula · 26/11/2007 16:06

I am crap at getting up
But I still do it ffs

I do feel dreadful sometimes til I have had a nice strong coffee but that soon perks me up

Get him an espresso machine for xmas and yourself a cattle prod

LoveMyGirls · 26/11/2007 17:47

Im hopeless at getting up too, i'm a very very deep sleeper but that doesnt mean i dont do my fair share. Dp will often bring me a cuppa or run me a bath to wake me up and if its my turn to get up first he will pull me by the hands so im sitting up, he knows if he doesnt sit me up i'll fall back to a deep sleep without even realising he's been in the room!!