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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Leaving right before a holiday?

63 replies

Cornfieldrainbows · 19/07/2021 19:29

I have another thread about how trapped I am in my marriage and I really don’t think I can face a week away in a caravan with DH.
The pretending is getting to me.
But the dc are expecting to go. DH is expecting to go.
How awfully selfish of me would it be to get out now? I know it’s only a week but it makes me feel like I want to just give up.

OP posts:
Horehound · 21/07/2021 11:46

Well you're going to break up with him so whatever is "normal" for your relationship doesn't really matter any more.
Can you take yourself and your children to your parents or anything and stay with them for a while?

Horehound · 21/07/2021 11:49

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4302082-Don-t-like-how-DH-speaks-to-me-sometimes.

The way your posted this other thread isn't reflective of this thread. 🤔

Hairbobblesbows · 21/07/2021 11:53

It very much is.
The whole thing is miserable.

Horehound · 21/07/2021 12:00

But you say he's calling you a piece of ass in bed and yet you haven't had sex in years? It seems strange.

And you haven't said why you don't just leave him?

Hairbobblesbows · 21/07/2021 12:05

He says these things quite regularly. They are gross.

Horehound · 21/07/2021 12:12

Ok we're going round in circles. You stay and hate your life and be miserable etc

Or leave, fuck listening to your mum, she doesn't know anything. And look she's divorced so even she didn't stay in a marriage, so why should you?

Your children WILL be fine.
Your husband will not have them 50:50. He does barely anything now so he's hardly going to step up. He might say that's what he will go for bit it NEVER happens that way! And especially when he won't cook/clean do the school run etc.

No, what he will do is go find some woman to run around after him.
Don't go on holiday, separate. Make changes

TheHoneyBadger · 21/07/2021 12:55

You had two threads going at the same time? Under 2 different user names?

That does seem odd.

Embracelife · 21/07/2021 13:06

@Cornfieldrainbows

Thank you. I hope you find the strength too.

I just can’t go from not even kissing for years to his hands being all over me, up my skirt, down the front of my top, saying this is a lovely sexy piece of ass. It’s just 🤢

I’m about six days into not eating and I’m hoping to just collapse at some point. I’ve just had enough. I cannot see a way through that is acceptable at all.

Please,speak to your gp Be honest Gp can refer you to help and support Your dc need you well To be well you needto leave
Embracelife · 21/07/2021 13:09

@Cornfieldrainbows

I have made myself feel worse by reading about the effect of divorce on children. I need to stop. Ds was crying last night because he’s worried about me and that’s not fair. I need to just pull myself together somehow.
The effects of living hiw they are now wil be worse You need to speak to someone urgently start with gp
Ald1Alert2 · 21/07/2021 14:57

Your situation can't be that bad

You have cried wolf too many times

You have changed nothing

I have zero sympathy for someone that does nothing

I'm leaving this thread

candycane222 · 21/07/2021 16:48

Ald1Alert2 That's a bit pompous! Not sure any of us are interested in whethef you stay or go tbh 😅

TheFoundations · 21/07/2021 17:02

It’s not even his fault. It’s me. It’s something in me

Yes, it is something in you. It's your soul, your personality, your heart. You don't have to assign blame here, if it makes you uncomfortable. People can grow apart, and it's nobody's fault, and it's hard, especially when one person has expectations and the other doesn't want to fulfill them.

But that's not a fault in you. That's not a fault. It's not your fault.

You say it's something in you as if that's a bad thing. Do you think you're not allowed to have feelings and make choices and change? Do you think you're not allowed to strive for things that would make you happy, and pull away from things that make you feel bad? You are allowed, and this marriage is not making you feel good.

So, yes, it is something in you, and it's something that is screaming at you because you always silence it, and you need to listen to it. Your children each have one of these, too; one of these hearts, souls, whatever you want to call it. A true self. Teaching them to listen to their true self, especially when it screams at them, is one of the most valuable lessons a parent can give a child. It will protect them from bad relationships, bad jobs, bad living situations when they are older. Stop reading divorce horror stories. Set your children an example: if you are unhappy and you feel the need to walk away, walking away is what you should do.

Myyearmytime · 21/07/2021 17:08

You are not eating ?
Please phone you local mental health help line

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