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Original poster

How do you cope when your husband works away?

36 replies

Richtea2 · 19/07/2021 19:28

Hi,

I would like to know how you cope when your husband works away from home.

My husband applied for a new job the only catch is him being away from home staying in different hotels.
I just wonder in your experiences how it's affected your marriage.

I am just don't know how I will feel because this is a new thing for me but happy for him. I know he been out of work getting fed up.

It will be different from him working daily and just coming home in the evening. How do you handle sleeping alone at night?

OP posts:

MackieMayor · 19/07/2021 19:36

I love it! Love my own space and freedom. If he doesn't for a while I really miss it 😉.

Not sure about the sleeping as it's not something I've considered- like when I lived by myself I guess, lots of room!

ShowOfHands · 19/07/2021 19:38

DH goes away for a few days, weeks or months at a time, also works nights when he is here. I love it too. I eat cereal for dinner if I want, stretch out in bed with a book etc. It's marvellous.

LawnFever · 19/07/2021 19:39

It’s fine, I really quite enjoy a bit of time on my own, to do my own thing.

I often used to have to stay away too, not so much right now with covid but as long as it wasn’t too often I’d like a night away in a hotel, chill out, order room service watch a bit of telly without anyone else moaning about my choices

ParkheadParadise · 19/07/2021 19:46

I love it
I always arrange a girls night out when DH is away. Inlaws have dd, I go out get drunk come home starfish on the bed and order breakfast in the morning delivered to my door. Spend the day in bed with my hangover 😉

DramaAlpaca · 19/07/2021 19:47

I'm absolutely fine with it, but then we've had this throughout our 30 year marriage so I'm used to it. The sleeping alone thing doesn't bother me at all, I like having the bed to myself so I can stretch out.

It helps that he's very self sufficient and doesn't mind being away for a few nights a week. He's currently away Monday to Thursday, we talk every evening. I'm very independent and quite happy to get on with things by myself, but I do have young adult DS here for company. We all look forward to Thursday evening every week when DH comes home and we all catch up on our week.

It was very hard when we had three small children and DH was away in Europe from Monday to Thursday, but I coped somehow.

KatyaZamolodchikova · 19/07/2021 19:51

It’s the other way round for us, I stay away for a couple of nights a month. In fact I am chilling on my bed having finished my room service meal with the air con blasting as I type 😂

DH and I are pretty independent during the week anyway, with gym, he sees his daughter, so it’s not a big deal. And he can stay up as late as he likes playing PlayStation as loud as he likes!

WildFlowerBees · 19/07/2021 19:56

Other way around here I'm away 3 weeks home for 3 weeks. Works fine, we're independent and when I'm at home we make time for each other so it's a win win.

SpnBaby1967 · 19/07/2021 19:59

Sleeping alone at night = STARFISH! All that space!!

We're not the type of couple who lives in each others pockets anyway, I think out of 7 days we only have tuesday when one of us doesnt have a hobby we attend. But also when we met he worked away so I have always been used to it.

Roomonb · 19/07/2021 20:02

My DH had odd bits of business travel for varying lengths. Before DC easy, I would order a takeout, watch a horror movie, sleep with the lights on lol, go out see friends etc. He’d call every night before he went to bed and it was always lovely to have him back but quite nice to have some time alone.

Now I really don’t like it, with the pandemic he hasn’t had to do any but once things start opening up he’ll probably be sent off on some trips. DD is a toddler though so very demanding though and we are very isolated. I think without kids it should be fine and you may like it, with kids it can be tougher.

Betsyboo87 · 19/07/2021 20:06

I also loved it. DH worked away for a week each month pre covid. I’d cook the things that DH isn’t so keen on andwatch tv shows he wouldn’t usually go for or get into bed early with a book and a glass of wine. I’d always break up the week with at least one night out. He’s likely to start travelling again soon but we have a baby now so not sure it will be as restful.

Aprilx · 19/07/2021 20:11

We had a five year spell when I was away for a night or two most weeks and DH was away for two weeks at a time once or twice a year.

When he was away, to be honest I pretty much carried on as normal, although would maybe treat myself to something at the weekend. When I was away, he would still be working anyway and I think the only difference in the evening is that he would eat differently, hot dogs every night or something.

MujeresLibres · 19/07/2021 20:12

I'm used to it but I don't really like it. It's nice having the TV to myself for a change though.

trevthecat · 19/07/2021 20:12

My dh works away. Leaves Sunday afternoon and comes home Friday Eve. I have a good routine with the kids, I only work part time so that works well for us as I'm like a single parent during the week. I record lots to watch that he isn't into! Evenings can be a bit boring sometimes but I try to have one eve a week either at my mum's/ sister/ friend for tea or them at mine. I quite like it.

Katefoster · 19/07/2021 20:46

My husband is away for one night every other week then once a month he's away for 2 nights. The one night is nice but I miss him when he's away for the 2

PersianStar · 19/07/2021 20:48

It is hard but routine is everything! DP leaves very early Monday and doesn’t come home till Friday teatime if we’re lucky.
We have a 2.5 year old, a 7 month old and I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant. I’m in a routine and tbh when he’s home it actually upsets it.
It’s harder for him than us but it’s what I grew up with so it’s not really an issue to me.
I try and make sure all jobs and chores are done before he comes home so weekends are family time but I’m obviously on mat leave so that’s slightly easier.
It is hard when you have a child that’s poorly or doesn’t sleep very well but again I’m lucky In that I have quite a good support network from family.
Also toddler still goes to nursery 2 days a week so I have a break. That was one of the conditions of him having this job actually as not having someone to hand over to at the end of the day to do things for yourself can take it’s toll.
I can’t imagine how single mums manage on a day to day basis

CurlsandCurves · 19/07/2021 20:51

I love it. He goes away maybe every couple of months for a week.

And I think he like it too, seeing new places around the uk. Last time he went he went to see a film that I would never have wanted to go and see, I get to watch whatever I want on tv. Or go to bed early with my iPad if I choose to.

How long, and how often is he possibly going to be away for, OP?

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 19/07/2021 20:52

Mines away 1 or 2 nights every week or so (less in lockdown)
I don't mind it. The house is tidier, I catch up on my programmes and sleep better with the bed to myself.
Downsides are that I sometimes forget to go to sleep till late as I'm engrossed in a program /browsing here.
I sometimes resent that he's in a posh hotel while I'm at home with the kids but overall its fine.

BrownEyedGirl80 · 19/07/2021 20:57

Dh has been away mon to fri for last 4 weeks,ots likely to be until autumn.
Tel calls and especially video calls help as we can see each other

MrsW2603 · 19/07/2021 21:02

Pre Covid my OH was away four nights (Monday - Thursday) every other week. I loved the time to myself, could eat toast for dinner, sleep diagonally and not spent ages each night finding something we both wanted to watch on TV.

notawittyname1954 · 19/07/2021 21:05

used to love it. husband was away for several nights or up to three weeks and now he doesn't I miss the time to myself. He always worked late when he was not away anyway. There were occasions when it frustrated me but mostly I looked forward to it. And you get used to it.

ohfook · 19/07/2021 21:16

I quite like it. I thought it would be harder because I'd be doing everything on my own but it turns out he does fuck all around the house so it's just one less person to pick up after.

I'm only half joking but he was pretty put out when I explained that my life was easier not harder when he was away.

mindutopia · 19/07/2021 21:27

You just get on with it because life is busy enough and you make the most of times you have together. It depends on how much he'll be away though and the impact it will have on your relationship.

Dh does work away a few times a year, but in our relationship, I'm primarily the one who works away. In normal times, I used to have just a very long commute, but sometimes I just stayed away for several days at a time. In the future, I'll more regularly be away 3 nights a week every couple weeks.

You may sure that the parent who is at home gets a break when the other parent is around, as parenting solo is draining. You keep in touch regularly. You make the weekends about family time and date nights (dh and I only occasionally see friends on weekends). And you arrange life so that the parent at home has the easiest possible time of it, simple meals, planning for the week at the weekend, homework done in advance, etc. As for our relationship, it's fine. We did 2 years long distance on opposite sides of the work before we got married, so we're very used to being apart and having to prioritise time for us when we can be together. It also helps that I trust dh 100% and he trusts me 100%. We have a very solid relationship and did before we ever considered me working away.

Regardless of whether he is away or me, I do enjoy it. Peace to exercise and read and go to bed early, it's actually lovely to have some space, as we make so much time for each other when we can be together.

NiceGerbil · 19/07/2021 21:49

DH hated me being away but did it as it was a good job etc.

I only went a few times a year though and usually not longer than a week.

You'll be fine. With tech now you can see each other etc.

Make plans and do stuff... It's great he's landed a job in the end.

And once he's in work is easier to move if you both don't like that aspect.

Standrewsschool · 19/07/2021 22:01

My dh thinks I should miss him when’s he away - I don’t. We talk several times by phone so it’s not as if we’re not in contact. I usually cook an easy tea, and make sure there’s something good to watch on tv.

How often will he be away?

GrandmasCat · 19/07/2021 22:06

My ex travelled a lot, reframing the situation helped a lot. Frankly, he helped with DS for two hours after work but he also was a lot of work!

See it this way, when he is not around you can go to bed early, watch whatever you want in TV, have a holiday from cooking for adults and you will see the house can be kept much tidier when he is not around

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