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Original poster

Should dp come to this family gathering or not?

28 replies

malificent7 · 19/07/2021 13:36

So we have a calender clash. We arranged to go away camping with friends at the weekend and his dd( including his ex and her dp and kids who we get on ok with.)
However, my sister is coming down same time..havnt seen her for over a year and 2 nephews.
Obviously i want to see my sis. Dp is torn as some of his best mates are at camping trip whereas he likes my sis and nephews but not close.
I am torn as I want him to see my sis but also his friends. I think the plan is for him to do half and half. Im just a bit gutted that he's not so keen to see my nephews as friends. I know im being unreadonable. ( they are young kids and therefore hard work!).

Bit of a drip feed...one of the old friends was a bit of an arse to me a while back and for that reason i think he should prioritise my family. He was annoyed with arse friend but there are other good friends from his past who hed love to see.

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 19/07/2021 13:41

OK so he goes camping and you see your family. What's the problem here? Why would you want him to see your sister and her kids? I'm sure she and they don't care if he's there or not!

Shoxfordian · 19/07/2021 13:45

If you’d all arranged to go camping then you should all go camping. You do the thing you said you’d do first

FlowerArranger · 19/07/2021 13:47

Agree with @EvenMoreFuriousVexation.

However, if this is hugely important to everyone concerned, why not book yourself and Sis into a B&B near the campsite and meet for lunch or dinner at a pub?

Chamomileteaplease · 19/07/2021 13:47

With hindsight it would have been better to tell your sister that that weekend wasn't a good one to come down on.

But. I really don't think you can expect your partner to give up a pre-planned camping trip with his friends in order to spend time with his partner's sister! Not going to happen and if it does, YABVU!

Micemakingclothes · 19/07/2021 13:48

I would tell my sister she should pick a different weekend because we already made plans. She should have checked with you first to see if the dates worked for you.

Original poster
malificent7 · 19/07/2021 13:50

She did check tbh but as I was doing dissertation etc / moving house/ very stressed i got dates muddled so yup my fault!

OP posts:
Sakurami · 19/07/2021 13:51

Youd already arranged to go camping with his daughter and his mates. Why should he prefer to spend time with your sister and kids?? Best solution is you both go to your own family thing.

blinkthreetimes · 19/07/2021 13:52

You arranged to go camping. So you should go camping.

mindutopia · 19/07/2021 13:53

In this case, dh would go camping and I'd stay home to see my family. It's perfectly fine to do separate things. I wouldn't expect him to split between the two, especially if I was the one who messed up the dates anyway. But it sounds like you'd each enjoy that more (him with his dc and friends) and you with your sister, so I think generally sounds good all around.

mynameisbrian · 19/07/2021 13:54

you have plans and should stick with them.

saraclara · 19/07/2021 13:58

It was your mistake, so why on earth are you pressuring your DH to abandon the plans you'd made first?

Of course he should go camping. And ideally, so should you. But you shouldn't even be considering making him change his plans. Jeeze.

Whaddayahear · 19/07/2021 14:03

If you booked the camping trip first then that's what you should do.

Arrange to see your sister another time.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 19/07/2021 14:04

It would be extremely rude of You to pull out of camping now.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 19/07/2021 14:07

Bit of a drip feed...one of the old friends was a bit of an arse to me a while back and for that reason i think he should prioritise my family.

Why should he priorities Your family over his?

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 19/07/2021 14:07

I wouldn't be arranging to see my sister another time if I hadn't seen her for over a year!

It's a shame you mixed up the dates but id jusr stay home and leave dp to go on the camping trip

Original poster
malificent7 · 19/07/2021 14:08

Trouble is sis is coming down from Scotland ...we live in SW England so not that simple to change plans.

OP posts:
Micemakingclothes · 19/07/2021 14:10

He should go on the camping trip. It’s not his fault you messed up the planning and he shouldn’t have to change his plans and the plans of his friends.

Original poster
malificent7 · 19/07/2021 14:10

Also some of his mates maje me feel uncomfortable so i guess this the best solution for all.

OP posts:
LongTimeMammaBear · 19/07/2021 14:10

I get calendar clashes and it’s a genuine mistake that you told your sister it was ok to come at the same time you planned a camping trip.

If it were me and I had not seen my sister for over a year (my own sister lives in another country) abd I told her it were ok to come, she made plans based on my telling her it were ok, then I’d see my sister and tell my DH it was ok to go camping. My mistake so I wouldn’t make him feel bad for sticking with his original plans.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/07/2021 14:12

It's completely unfair that you expect your partner to change his plans. That's not on at all.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 19/07/2021 14:15

After Your update I'm now wondering if You did this on purpose, If I was your dp I probably would be thinking that. Hmm

blinkthreetimes · 19/07/2021 14:22

Totally agree @ZeroFuchsGiven

Twoforthree · 19/07/2021 14:24

You do your thing. He does his.

Floralnomad · 19/07/2021 14:24

He camps , you see you sister absolutely no question that that is the fair solution .

Dandy0911 · 19/07/2021 14:28

If his mates make you feel uncomfortable why did you agree to go in the first place?
He shouldn't need to change his plans or prioritise your sister and kids over his family and friends, so at the very least he should go camping, if not both of you as that's what was arranged. Can your sister not book a B&B nearby so you can share the time. If not you do your thing, he does his?