Age gap and judgement

[fedupwiththeguy]

Talking with a friend yesterday, he made a comment that bothered me.

He was telling me that I may meet someone interesting in a new group I am joining doing my hobby. That made me remember that I have met a man in OLD that had been the national champion of said hobby a couple of times, but that I did not set a date with him because he looked like a kid. He is 30 and I am 38.

My friend then made a comment, horrified of how young this man is, and I should never arrange a date with him. It bothered me, specially given that I am also 8 years apart with me XH and nobody bat an eyelid (because he is the senior). But even more offended since my friend is 51 and he is dating a 27 years old So what the heck was that comment about? Are we still this sexist? I have not said anything about him dating a woman in exchange of gifts (sugardaddy)

Is it the age gap though? Or the fact he looks like a kid? That would be massively off-putting.

Why you haven't told this "friend" what a twat he is is beyond me. Find a new friend.

The sexism goes both ways on this, there are thousands of posts on MN negatively portraying men dating younger women.

Im sure your friend whose 51 has heard plenty of comments, if not I'm sure countless have been said behind his back (like you have demonstrated here)

You should just do what you want if the other person is a consenting adult and you're both comfortable/happy who cares.

@Shelddd

The sexism goes both ways on this, there are thousands of posts on MN negatively portraying men dating younger women.

Im sure your friend whose 51 has heard plenty of comments, if not I'm sure countless have been said behind his back (like you have demonstrated here)

You should just do what you want if the other person is a consenting adult and you're both comfortable/happy who cares.

No it actually doesn’t go anywhere near the same way . Men being the older is the MUCH more accepted set up In Society which is exactly what the op is saying Op there are huge stereotypes about men somehow aging better than women ( Who are they kidding ) ‘ men needing’ fertile young women , even when sperm quality decreases dramatically with age and men will claim they need these ‘ fertile ‘ women when not wanting children ‘ Just pull him up on his double standard then go ahead and do what the hell you want

Why didn’t you call him out on his obvious hypocrisy? Some men are threatened by older women dating younger men and feel the need to broadcast it.

Date this younger guy or don’t date him but your ‘friend’ needs to be dissuaded of his expectation to have a say in the matter. Twat!

Why not just say 'it's nowhere near as big as your age gap!' Then laugh and move on?

You should have just pointed out the age gap of his relationship and asked outright, about the sexisim.

”” No it actually doesn’t go anywhere near the same way . Men being the older is the MUCH more accepted set up In Society which is exactly what the op is saying
Op there are huge stereotypes about men somehow aging better than women ( Who are they kidding ) ‘ men needing’ fertile young women , even when sperm quality decreases dramatically with age and men will claim they need these ‘ fertile ‘ women when not wanting children ‘
Just pull him up on his double standard then go ahead and do what the hell you want””””

This! 💯‼️

@Shellady

Yeah you're right in society it feels that way but on MN its obviously heavily skewed the other way.

@fedupwiththeguy

Talking with a friend yesterday, he made a comment that bothered me.

He was telling me that I may meet someone interesting in a new group I am joining doing my hobby. That made me remember that I have met a man in OLD that had been the national champion of said hobby a couple of times, but that I did not set a date with him because he looked like a kid. He is 30 and I am 38.

My friend then made a comment, horrified of how young this man is, and I should never arrange a date with him. It bothered me, specially given that I am also 8 years apart with me XH and nobody bat an eyelid (because he is the senior). But even more offended since my friend is 51 and he is dating a 27 years old So what the heck was that comment about? Are we still this sexist? I have not said anything about him dating a woman in exchange of gifts (sugardaddy)

Ugh, he sounds like a misogynist. Did you not ask him about why he holds such sexist double standards?

@Shelddd

The sexism goes both ways on this, there are thousands of posts on MN negatively portraying men dating younger women.

Im sure your friend whose 51 has heard plenty of comments, if not I'm sure countless have been said behind his back (like you have demonstrated here)

You should just do what you want if the other person is a consenting adult and you're both comfortable/happy who cares.

You must be kidding?! There is nowhere near the same stigma on a man dating a younger woman as there is the other way around.

Do you read these forums? At all or just casually. So much criticism for age gaps where male is older.

[quote Shelddd]@Shellady

Yeah you're right in society it feels that way but on MN its obviously heavily skewed the other way.[/quote]
Well I’m sure even if that were true ( which I certainly don’t agree it to be ) mn might redress the imbalance against women by about •0000001%

@Shelddd

Do you read these forums? At all or just casually. So much criticism for age gaps where male is older.

For gods sake so what if that were even true . Women have systemically been discrimated against for their age in ways that men simply are not, since the day dot and STILL ARE in almost every single level of society Do you really think anyone cares less if people ONE forum have something to say about older men eyebrows at men dating younger women Maybe that are just sick to death of the double standards and the way women’s area valued for their youth and looks in ways men simply are not ! And it’s about time If you want to complain about discriminations based on age then why on earth are you complaining about one forum and saying nothing about the systemic discrimination against older women ? (Which incidentally is what this thread is about ) I assume your not out there advocating for men to stop discriminating against older women right ? Posting on men’s forums and standing up in public spaces

@naunet yea he’s joking I’m sure , or he’s simply choosing to ignore the way men pat each other on the back for scoring a ‘ younger woman ‘ .
The millions of men who ‘ trade in ‘ their wives for younger models ‘ the entire society that stresses the importance of women looking youthful but not men !

Have I understood correctly, that this man is 51 and dating a 27 year old, but he thinks you shouldn't date a 30 year old, when you are 38?

For a start, his opinion is irrlevant - why would you care what someone else thinks over what you yourself think?

Secondly, 8 years is not a huge age gap at all.

Thirdly, yes there is sometimes hypocracy over age gap relationships (it's OK for men to date younger but not women for example). Ignore that.

Finally, people are entitled to their own opinions (even if they are illogical and uninformed) but in general should keep them to themselves unless asked. You kind of brought it up with your friend, so I suppose he felt able to give an opinion, but it concerns me that he TOLD you never to arrange a date with this other person. Who does he think he is to give you instructions? And why are you listening?

I wonder what makes your friend so invested in the idea that women shouldn't date younger men?

@Shelddd I am usually one who warns women off dating much older men, and by older I mean about 15 years or more older. People seem to cope with a decade older ok, but there seems to be an issue with the 15 years older mark.

The reason why it's different is because it's a bit like comparing apples to oranges. The women who are younger than these men (perfect example is a 27 year old with a 51 year old) are usually in a different, more vulnerable position than the other way around. Power imbalances between men and women are particularly rough on women. Sometimes, she ends up not having children or giving up her fertile years for a much older man who has no intention of really committing or even living with her.

When women fall in love with younger men, I would dare to say that most of the time, the age gap is circumstantial. If the youth is a factor, it's an added bonus. She is not looking for someone to dominate, although I'm sure that happens. Whereas, if you look at age preferences on dating sites, there are plenty of men out there who seems very clear that going for a much younger woman is really important to them, and it's not just circumstantial or an added bonus.

Most women are fully prepared for the fact that their younger partner will age too, whereas there is a certain type of man who just wants to go young and younger. What a lot of these ambitious, opportunistic types want is really a woman who looks like a teenager, because that's what they're into. As far as I'm aware 'teen' is still the most popular category of porn amongst men. It's relevant because although nobody wants to think of their older partner in this way, some men will just lose interest in their partner as soon as they hit the maturity, confidence levels and wrinkles that accompanies women who are 40+ years old. They want a cute, giggle, lovely younger women who flicks her hair and laughs at their jokes. They want the ego trips.

I'm sure you will find women like that, but I think they are much, much less common. 8 years difference is ok though.

@5128gap

I wonder what makes your friend so invested in the idea that women shouldn't date younger men?

Haha. Yes. Her 'friend'. I wonder if he seems himself purely in those terms.

@Feather12 the age by itself pushes me back, but it is true that he has a baby face. Maybe it would help if he grew a beard lol

@Shelddd I don't have an opinion about my friend dating someone younger, although I do about dating someone in exchange for "gifts". But still, I have not told him.

I definitely called him out, especially since he is dating a woman 24 years his junior and telling me about an 8 years difference!

@YouShouldLeave "huge stereotypes about men somehow aging better than women" - that's true, but reality is quite different. In my opinion men and women are in their prime from 35-45, but that may be biased since it may be normal to be attracted to your age group.

@EarthSight hahaha you may be right in some way. But yes, we share our dating lives and he doesn't like any of my potential suitors.

The age put me off a bit, maybe in combination with how good he is at what we do (intimidating). But after my friend's stupid comment I realized how stupid that sounds. So, since I would be stupid not to take the opportunity to practice our hobby with this man, I have in mind to drop by his club when things reopen and maybe meet that way, a bit more organically.

Used stupid three times straight... my mind is telling me what this is

I would certainly be rethinking this 'friendship'. IME, far from these men 'aging better', it's always been middle-aged men with beer guts who feel they are entitled to much younger, slimmer women. Is he one of those OP?

I am Priyanka's age and Nick Jonas also looks like a kid to me

@Shelddd

Do you read these forums? At all or just casually. So much criticism for age gaps where male is older.

I always find it difficult to understand age gaps of 5 years plus, whatever the gender. But OP is discussing something entirely different: it’s a guy who is dating someone much younger but is trying to convince OP that it’s a bad idea because she is a woman.