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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

abusive internet date

72 replies

snowbiehamham · 17/07/2021 16:57

Yesterday I met someone on internet dating in person. At his suggestion we met in the park to walk his dog. The weather is good after all and there's this virus. He was chatty and I thought he was a great person but knew he wasn't right for me quickly. Afterwards he sent me a text saying he liked me and would I like to meet again. I said it was nice to meet him, he was a great person but probably just as a friend for me. In return he sent me a long and abusive text message. It said I wasn't his type anyway. I was too shy and quiet. I was snobby, thought I was really intelligent and looked down on people. ( I gave no indication of this. I'm polite and well spoken and from a middle class background and he was working class but I'm not prejudiced and didn't reject him for that) Who meets in a park like 10 years old. Was I ill? I look ill. I look older than I am. He said 'you're more interested in my dog than me. Get your own dog you wierdo.' ( speaking about his dog was a conversation starter as far as I was concerned) When did you last have sex? Plus other things.
I find it inexplicable that a 38 year old man would behave like this. I despair. I really do.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 17/07/2021 20:39

When this happened to me and I received a load of abusive, insulting messages, he ranted on about how I had a crap job, I was spoilt, posh and a princess type and then to cap it off, insulted me in the worst way....apparently my phone was shitGrin

Badhabits1 · 17/07/2021 20:48

It also highlights how risky it is to meet someone and arrange to go to their house or spend the night with them on a first date (several threads on this recently.)

snowbiehamham · 18/07/2021 07:18

He actually did ask me to come back to his house with him at the end of our meeting. So glad I didn't!

OP posts:
user1498572889 · 18/07/2021 07:29

You turned him down and her showed his true personality. This is his problem not yours. Lucky escape. Can you report him to the dating site and stop some other poor woman being subject to that?

DukeofEarlGrey · 18/07/2021 07:46

Definitely ignore and block, don’t satisfy with a response of any kind. I also agree with others that this should be somehow flagged at least to the dating site and even a potential record with the police - it’s pretty extreme behaviour and I dread to think what will happen when he finds a woman less resilient than you, OP. Well done for being quick to reject unscathed.

On being lesbian as an ‘insult’... reminds me of a time a drunk idiot letched all over my lovely friend in a nightclub. We were 18 and he was approx mid fifties. When she politely declined his advances he responded by yelling “lesbian!” in her face. She calmly looked him up and down and replied, “and not without good reason” before walking off.

WhiskeyGalore212 · 18/07/2021 07:57

Sounds like one for Bye Felipe.

WhiskeyGalore212 · 18/07/2021 08:02

Its a very good thing you didn't see him again, imagine getting into a relationship with that.

Bayleaf25 · 18/07/2021 10:00

Think I’d message with a “🤣🤣 so you took that well.”

What a low life.

TooWicked · 18/07/2021 10:05

I’d like to think I’d take the high road and just block him, in reality I’d probably text back that yes I was more interested in his dog than him, it had a much better personality and nicer breath than him.

Bullet dodged there.

66babe · 18/07/2021 10:10

I'm wondering if we should inform the Rspca
Poor dog probably sick of him too
🤨

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 18/07/2021 10:12

You dodged a bullet there, block him and think no more of it, he would have made a horrible partner.

Beckhamsmetatarsal · 18/07/2021 10:20

Sadly, if you follow She Rates Dogs on Twitter you will see this is more common than you think. I'm sorry he did this and I'm glad you dodged a bullet there too x

Marineboy67 · 18/07/2021 10:35

38 physically mentally about 14. Take comfort in the knowledge he will never be happy and will spend the rest of his sad life alone resigned to wanting.

Zig27 · 18/07/2021 11:23

@snowbiehamham

He actually did ask me to come back to his house with him at the end of our meeting. So glad I didn't!
Glad you trusted your instincts and are safe. What a horrible man, hope you have blocked him.
BrozTito · 18/07/2021 13:57

Weird you said that about she rates dogs they've just been killed. Please send 'poor dog' back then block

BrozTito · 18/07/2021 13:59

Oh i think the twitter and podcast are different people actually. Ignore me

Beckhamsmetatarsal · 25/07/2021 14:52

@BrozTito

Weird you said that about she rates dogs they've just been killed. Please send 'poor dog' back then block
Huh? Mat was killed in a hit and run yes, his best friend runs it and they did a podcast together.
DeliciousSoup · 25/07/2021 14:59

I met one that was similar. I politely let him down after a couple of dates, and he came back with a long message about how apparently I was a tease and if I felt like that I shouldn't have gone for a second date.
Then I was told nobody would want me. How nice. Met DH shortly after and have been happily married for 9 years.
So fuck 'em, I say!
NEXT!!

IknowThisIsRidiculous · 25/07/2021 15:05

@snowbiehamham

He actually did ask me to come back to his house with him at the end of our meeting. So glad I didn't!
This sends chills down my spine. I had a similar experience but not in-person. I got a lengthy diatribe of abuse when I challenged his thinking after he tried to 'convert' me despite my profile saying I was an atheist. Just goes to show how careful you need to be on OLD.
titchy · 25/07/2021 15:09

I'd have been tempted to reply 'Oh wow I actually meant to send that text to someone else not you. I was going to suggest to you that we meet up again next week. I won't bother now though.'

CassandraTrotter · 25/07/2021 15:12

I read on mumsnet once about how important is it to say no very early on in a relationship. Hr asks for something / to do something and you respond with a simple no. No explanation offered. And watch the reaction.

Because lots of men can pretend to be wonderful until told no.

Hiw many threads to we see of women saying they bf / dh / dp is simply wonderful… except when theyre selfish / thoughtless / absuive.

Fromablokespoint · 26/07/2021 10:16

It happens to to men as well. Block - do not engage in any way.

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