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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

abusive internet date

72 replies

snowbiehamham · 17/07/2021 16:57

Yesterday I met someone on internet dating in person. At his suggestion we met in the park to walk his dog. The weather is good after all and there's this virus. He was chatty and I thought he was a great person but knew he wasn't right for me quickly. Afterwards he sent me a text saying he liked me and would I like to meet again. I said it was nice to meet him, he was a great person but probably just as a friend for me. In return he sent me a long and abusive text message. It said I wasn't his type anyway. I was too shy and quiet. I was snobby, thought I was really intelligent and looked down on people. ( I gave no indication of this. I'm polite and well spoken and from a middle class background and he was working class but I'm not prejudiced and didn't reject him for that) Who meets in a park like 10 years old. Was I ill? I look ill. I look older than I am. He said 'you're more interested in my dog than me. Get your own dog you wierdo.' ( speaking about his dog was a conversation starter as far as I was concerned) When did you last have sex? Plus other things.
I find it inexplicable that a 38 year old man would behave like this. I despair. I really do.

OP posts:
CornishTiger · 17/07/2021 18:03

Ok so how much does he know about you and do you know his name/location?

I’d report to police as a malicious communication

TheFoundations · 17/07/2021 18:10

I find it inexplicable that a 38 year old man would behave like this

Careful. There's many people of all types out there. It's best to be open to everything, surprised by nothing, and be very clear about your own boundaries.

I hope you didn't respond to him. Sometimes, silence is dignity.

toocold54 · 17/07/2021 19:05

It’s never easy to be turned down after only one date it really does knock your confidence - but there is no way you should ever act like him. He has embarrassed himself even more and you’ve definitely dodged a bullet!

snowbiehamham · 17/07/2021 19:09

I've deleted him and glad I won't be wasting anymore time on him.

OP posts:
Internetio · 17/07/2021 19:14

Did you go out on a date with my ex-husband?? Grin Remarkably similar outlook, you had a lucky escape OP!

Umberellatheweatha · 17/07/2021 19:14

I'd report him to the site too. He is a danger to women.

Badhabits1 · 17/07/2021 19:17

That’s really awful and quite personal.

I had one like this. I let him down very gently and he went on a horrible rant and said I was the most despicable person he had ever met.

Redruby2020 · 17/07/2021 19:18

@natis

Sounds like he can't handle rejection very well tbh. He was initially interested in you until his poor ego was damaged!

Why would he want a second date with someone he'd describe in that way?!

At least you seen what he's really like early on

Exactly, if it was worth even bothering with the prat, I would be saying 'oh, hold on if you thought all of that, why are you asking for a second date?! He just doesn't like it that you rejected him, and rather than take it on the chin, he has shown his childish immature and to be honest, potential to be abusive, so if this is how he handles things now, what would he be like in a relationship!!
BringOnTheOtherWorlders · 17/07/2021 19:19

It's best not to read the responses from men after you send the "not interested" messages because it's always some level of, "No wonder you are single, you bitch..."

EarthSight · 17/07/2021 19:20

Haha. What an absolute loser. Probably a frustrated, enraged incel or a hurt narcissist. Good ridance!

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/07/2021 19:25

This is what the 👍🏻 emoji is for.

Maybeone · 17/07/2021 19:27

I guess it makes an unpleasant change from the 'you must be a lesbian' comments I used to get when I brushed guys off at clubs, pubs etc

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/07/2021 19:29

@Maybeone

I guess it makes an unpleasant change from the 'you must be a lesbian' comments I used to get when I brushed guys off at clubs, pubs etc
A heartfelt, "I wish" helps with that.
Maybeone · 17/07/2021 19:31

@MrsTerryPratchett

Oh that's a good one, wish I'd thought of that in my younger days! Grin

WineAcademy · 17/07/2021 19:33

It is hilarious when lesbian is hurled as an insult. If anything being lesbian is injurious to males only. Women are just fine.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/07/2021 19:36

I had some Neanderthal at university call me a lesbian because I didn't want to sleep with him; good looking twat. He was not impressed when I explained in tedious detail why the fact that he thought it was an insult was precisely why I never would.

Maybeone · 17/07/2021 19:38

@WineAcademy

It is hilarious when lesbian is hurled as an insult. If anything being lesbian is injurious to males only. Women are just fine.
I think they mean you must be a lesbian to be able to resist my charms.

Like, it's not me it's you.

I'm lucky enough to have a fab husband but I think if I were dating now then being a lesbian or at least bi would be preferable to the sea of dicks that seem to be out there.

Movingonupupup · 17/07/2021 19:41

Excellent -you got away. Well done.

I sometimes think (and this took years and years to work out) say 'I don't like x' and see what they do -do they respect and stop, minimise, try to talk you round etc ..........anything other than the first -dump dump dump

Movingonupupup · 17/07/2021 19:42

Inform the dating site. But run like the wind. And do NOT respond -block.

Comedycook · 17/07/2021 19:48

@WineAcademy

It is hilarious when lesbian is hurled as an insult. If anything being lesbian is injurious to males only. Women are just fine.
Slightly different situation but I went out with a big group of women on Valentine's day and a guy walking past with his girlfriend called us lesbians...actually most of us were coupled up/married to men..we just didnt fancy sitting in a crowded chain restaurant with them holding a rose wrapped in cellophane
newtolineofduty · 17/07/2021 19:49

Oh my goodness I had a similar experience afew years back! Exactly the same process. He liked me but changed his mind after I politely rejected. Even said he was seeing someone else! He text me randomly about six months later, and after an hour of me not texting back text me saying 'still up your own arse I see'. There's an actual headteacher out there who has this level of maturity! That poor school! X

Maybeone · 17/07/2021 19:50

@newtolineofduty

Oh my goodness I had a similar experience afew years back! Exactly the same process. He liked me but changed his mind after I politely rejected. Even said he was seeing someone else! He text me randomly about six months later, and after an hour of me not texting back text me saying 'still up your own arse I see'. There's an actual headteacher out there who has this level of maturity! That poor school! X
It's scary what's summering beneath the surface with some men isn't it?

But OP don't lose heart, lots of lovely men out there!

Maybeone · 17/07/2021 19:51

*simmering

30degreesandmeltinghere · 17/07/2021 19:51

What a bloody shame his poor ddog is stuck with him!!

Herecomesthesun70 · 17/07/2021 20:32

I had one of these. After 1 meeting after which I declined to meet again He sent me an abusive message saying no one would want me with a baby anyway. Ranted on and on.
I'd said that smoking was a deal breaker, he arranged to meet in McDonald's car park ffs turned up in a high vis coat and after 30 minutes had to get out of the car as he was dying for a smoke. I was the one no one would want though Grin