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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Earphones constantly used

35 replies

Kim0405 · 16/07/2021 21:40

Am I over reacting?

My partner over the last six months has done nothing but have head phone continuously in their ears.

Cooking, cleaning, on consoles, watching tv, relaxing, bathing, also in bed

I find it extremely annoying I have to flag my partner down, repeat myself 5+ times and even resorted to sending a text messages to get a response

Today I tried to have a conversation about this! Saying I find it rude, arrogant and disrespectful.

Response was : I'm doing it because I'm not rude and don't have random videos loud playing whilst someone is in the same room......

I think the courtesy is nice but it's constantly happening
Times are where my partner is listening to YouTube and taken over the tv. With head phones in and then criticises me for being on my phone having conversations with my family.

How can my partner not see I call family to have some kind of communication so I'm not sat on my billy tod, talking to the wall ...

Am I in the wrong here Sad

OP posts:
Pinkflipflop85 · 16/07/2021 21:47

Are you living with my DH?!

Undersnatch · 16/07/2021 21:48

My DH does this and I find it annoying. Well more really that I feel a bit rejected when I can see he doesn’t really want me to intrude into his podcast world. But we talk about it and hear one another’s perspectives and it mostly works out ok. It’s what he likes and it’s not a reflection on me - he makes an effort to take headphones out when I make clear I am looking to talk, so I don’t need to flag him down anymore. The worst part is when he then wants to recant whatever shite he was listening to in great detail! Sympathies.

MilduraS · 16/07/2021 21:49

My DH almost constantly has one earphone in and YouTube or Twitch videos playing. I'm not too bothered but that's because the alternative is him being shut away in the study for the evening (which does still happen quite frequently).

Aquamarine1029 · 16/07/2021 21:50

I would not tolerate this. It is rude, dismissive and is guaranteed to kill your relationship. It seems to me he has checked out already.

AntiHop · 16/07/2021 21:51

You are not in the wrong. He's being unreasonable. That's a very strange way to behave. Occasionally fine, but it is clearly far too much with him.

Siennabear · 16/07/2021 21:52

Yes my dh loves his noise cancelling earphones. Has them in a lot. Really annoys me when I have to repeat myself constantly or is listening to something rather than joining family time being present with our young kids.

Original poster
Kim0405 · 16/07/2021 21:54

It's been close to six months, if it was every other day or occasionally like it was to begin with... that's fine ... but literally I can be in the middle of explaining something and bam....his headphones back in
Then laughs about it... makes out I'm over reacting
Feel to hide them 😡

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 16/07/2021 21:55

Incredibly rude.

Original poster
Kim0405 · 16/07/2021 21:55

Or shove them where the sun doesn't shine

🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 16/07/2021 21:56

but literally I can be in the middle of explaining something and bam....his headphones back in
Then laughs about it... makes out I'm over reacting

Fucking hell, why are you tolerating such blatant disrespect? A stranger on the street would show you more consideration. Like fuck would I deal with that.

TheFoundations · 16/07/2021 21:56

There's no right or wrong. People are allowed to wear headphones as much as they want. People are allowed to expect their partner to be available as much as they want.

Your partner's response is the problem: it's not ok for them to simply dismiss your concerns like that. Essentially what they've told you is that you're wrong, and that having their headphones in is more important to them than finding a compromise that would make you both happy. They're living with you like a house share, and treating you like a housemate.

TheFoundations · 16/07/2021 21:58

Then laughs about it... makes out I'm over reacting

Yup, the headphones are the least of your problems. What's he like generally? Considerate? Respectful? Does he listen to you, make you feel heard?

Original poster
Kim0405 · 16/07/2021 22:07

A couple of weeks ago, work was really stressful I tried to have a conversation for some support... the response I got back was if you can't handle your job then f**king quit 😡
Headphones went straight back in..
I called him an absolute tosser
We didn't speak for 10 days everyday he just had his headphones in on you tube 😩

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 16/07/2021 22:08

Why the fuck are you with him? Honestly, raise your standards because he doesn't give a shit about you.

DysmalRadius · 16/07/2021 22:11

It sounds like the headphones are a symptom of his lack of interest and disrespect for you. It sounds miserable. Is he super brilliant in other ways?

sunnyzweibrucken · 16/07/2021 22:12

I will admit that I used to wear my headphones with my ex, usually in bed because I was checked out of the relationship and wanted the least amount of interaction as possible. But i'm not saying that's what's going on with your DH but to me it's a sign of someone that doesn't want to be involved with the people around them if they wear them all the time.

TheFoundations · 16/07/2021 22:15

Do you really think the problem is the headphones, OP? Just seen your last update.

Kanaloa · 16/07/2021 22:16

Well the headphones are pretty irrelevant here. You tried to tell him about a difficult situation and he said ‘just fucking quit then’ and put his headphones in.

He’s a dick. If he lived in the 1700s before headphones he’d be an old timey dick.

Original poster
Kim0405 · 16/07/2021 22:17

Honestly he is a great dad, he cooks, cleans (to some extent) he does work full time and I get he needs his own space and his own me time...
but 57 hours a week on his phone screen time ... how is this even possible he works 45 hours a week ... not including the console or tv hours...
I just don't get it... if I was nagging him constantly I could understand but what I'm asking I don't find Unreasonable 😩

OP posts:
Bargebill19 · 16/07/2021 22:21

Omg we are sharing the same dh.

It is fucking enraging. I’ve given up and just do my own thing.

Original poster
Kim0405 · 16/07/2021 22:23

What's Dh?

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 16/07/2021 22:26

If he is on his phone 57 hours a week and works 45 hours a week and can’t even have a basic conversation with the mother of his kids, then I doubt he’s a ‘great dad’ unless your bar is so, so low. What do you actually get out of this relationship? You might as well get a big massive doll and stick a pair of headphones on it rather than a man you can’t even speak to.

TheFoundations · 16/07/2021 22:28

When you got together with him, did you do it because you wanted a relationship with somebody who didn't care about you or listen to you, but would be a great dad and do a bit of cleaning?

Bargebill19 · 16/07/2021 22:29

Dear Husband, (dh). Although he’s masquerading as your partner - if we are sharing.

HalzTangz · 16/07/2021 22:34

Get him those bone connector earphones, sit just above the ear helping the ear free for hearing when people speak to them.
My partner is always watching videos, I had to get his attention by waving etc, bought the one ear phones, problem resolved

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