Earphones constantly used

[Kim0405]

Am I over reacting?

My partner over the last six months has done nothing but have head phone continuously in their ears.

Cooking, cleaning, on consoles, watching tv, relaxing, bathing, also in bed

I find it extremely annoying I have to flag my partner down, repeat myself 5+ times and even resorted to sending a text messages to get a response

Today I tried to have a conversation about this! Saying I find it rude, arrogant and disrespectful.

Response was : I'm doing it because I'm not rude and don't have random videos loud playing whilst someone is in the same room......

I think the courtesy is nice but it's constantly happening
Times are where my partner is listening to YouTube and taken over the tv. With head phones in and then criticises me for being on my phone having conversations with my family.

How can my partner not see I call family to have some kind of communication so I'm not sat on my billy tod, talking to the wall ...

Am I in the wrong here

Honestly he is a great dad, he cooks, cleans (to some extent) he does work full time and I get he needs his own space and his own me time...

I swear, if I see this "he's a great dad" BULLSHIT one more time I might walk myself straight into the ocean.

A man who blatantly disrespects and emotionally abuses the mother of his children is not a great dad.

When we first got together, we did everything together, walks, us time, holidays, spoke for hours, visited family and friends, experience new things.. we have settled down more recently due to work and kid commitments
He is a great dad, always always responds to them. Takes them to flag him down or call him repeatedly.. but will always listen and sort them.. if I can't do school run he does it without complaining. If I end up stuck at work longer than expected he will sort kids no questions asked! AlwAys. Will alway interact with them on games etc ( mostly with his headphones in listening to some live blog) bathing kids, uniforms etc
He does his fair share without fail ..

Do you not think your kids can see that he dismisses your feelings?

Sorting your child’s basic needs after they’d flagged you down repeatedly isn’t being a great dad. It’s the absolute bare minimum. Would you consider yourself a great mum for doing the school run without complaining? Sorry, I know it’s a derail, but I hate how pathetically low the bar is, where a man is a great dad for doing the school run and a mum does everything and is just a mum. Nobody sees me doing the school run with my kids and starts gushing what a ‘great mum’ I am.

If I ended up stuck at work longer than expected he will sort the kids no questions asked.
Are they his kids? Sorting the kids out because you’ve been held up at work is what anyone would expect in a relationship surely. If my DH stuck his earphones on whilst I was in the middle of talking to him then fucking laughed at me I’d take them while he was asleep and dump them in the bottom of the bin where he’d never find them. I’d do the same every time he replaced them too.
Great dads don’t disrespect their kids parents like that. How old is he, he sounds like your average 13 year old.

He’s rude and disrespectful of your feelings.
Yes he loves his children but may not like you much and is emotionally abusing you.
How is intimacy with him ie do you want to have sex with him? Given how he ignores your needs - is he like this in bed - does he have them on when you are intimate with each other?
Can you ask him to participate in family time without them on. He’s only giving 50% really when he’s with the children.
What message is he giving his children?
When out with others does he take them.
I’m sorry you are experiencing this - it’s very rude and abusive.

My ex was like this, had to have something playing constantly. At first I was okay with the headphones, as it was more peaceful than having videos blaring through a speaker 24/7. But he was abusive in lots of other ways too, and eventually the headphones became something to be angry with me about too, when I interrupted him to ask a question or say something. So then I wasn't allowed to talk to him if he had his headphones in. Then I wasn't allowed to make any other noise either, in case he thought I was trying to talk to him. It was such a lonely time, just being quiet and keeping out the way all the time, knowing that he disliked me so much and found me so irritating that he didn't even want to hear me make a remark about the weather or lunch or something.

That isn't a description of a 'great dad'. He does the basic requirement for a dad - he listens when his DC speak / sometimes takes them to school / will cook their tea if he's home alone with them. None of that says 'great dad'.

You know how you feel ignored / pushed out / unimportant because he has his earphones in all the time? Your DC will I imagine feel the same.

What he's doing is plain rude. He's sending the message that what he's listending to is always more interesting and relevant to him than his own family. The fact he knows you aren't happy but ignores that - laughs at it even - is massively disrespectful.

I'd be tempted to make sure he missed some good stuff because of not being able to hear. "We ordered pizza in - you didn't respond when I asked what you wanted so I thought you didn't want anything!"

But seriously, I'd be thinking hard about what the earphones - and his general disrespect and lack of care for my feelings - represent about his views of me, our DC and our family.

OP, the actions you describe actually show us what a shit Dad he is !

His kids have to 'flag him down' to get his attention ffs !!

He'll feed them if you're not there ??

He'll do a little 'housework' ??

What he should be doing is :

Talking to his children.
Talking to his wife/partner.
Playing with his children.
Spending quality time with his family.
Cooking for his children.
Doing homework with his children.
Doing 50% of housework.
Doing 50% of school runs.
Doing 50% of life/school admin.

What he's actually doing is the bare MINIMUM of everything !!

And as for his ''it's NOT selfish, because it means that I don't have to make everyone else listen to it'' crap ?
*It's fucking selfish to say that HE should get to listen to whatever HE wants ALL the fucking time !! To the point that he's doing it for 57 fucking hours a week !!

Honestly, you need to tell him you've had enough of his selfish behaviour, and it either stops now, or he can leave !

Another "great dad".
None of these men are "great dads" if they don't treat the mother of their children with respect.
Playing with the kids but with one earphone in while listening to something? Not a great dad
Kids have to "flag him down" to get attention? Not a great dad
He cooks if you're not there? Not a great dad
He dismisses his partner's feelings about him ignoring her? Not a great dad.

He is just awful.
Sounds like my ex. I can still remember how awful that was - earphones in all day every day when he was at home. We didn't have kids but still....
I'd try to talk to him about something and he'd take one earphone out and turn his head towards me but his eyes were still pointing at his laptop. Awful.

He's an ex for a reason...