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Original poster

I don't want him to take this new job

34 replies

fairytale132 · 16/07/2021 16:49

My partner has been offered another job. Same pay but working 5 days (plus occasional Saturday) instead of the 3 days he works now, long days 7-5 in effect halving his pay because he would be getting the same salary for 5 as he would 3 days except they are long days.
I think this is complete madness, to go from this quality of life working from home, having the freedom to go to the gym, not be leaving from home in the cold wintry mornings at 6am why would you do this?
He states he's sick of the company he's at now even though they do not hassle him and I think he has a pretty easy number.
I am concerned that he'll be tired as one of his days off he volunteers working for his friend and he has said he'll continue this evenings and weekends. I am also upset as it makes me think when will we have our time together, I am used to having him around, I thought he liked this too, he was always on the phone saying how he loved his life balance so I am confused.
I have said how I feel but he says he won't do it without me being happy about it, I then feel trapped because I am damned if I say I am and if I say I am not he'll resent me totally for it, so I can't.
I'm really fed up.

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 16/07/2021 17:22

Confused it's not your decision...really it's not. You're concerned he'll be tired? How old is he? Unless he's 73 or suffering from a disease, you've no call to be concerned about him. Do you not live together?

AnonymousUser12 · 16/07/2021 19:03

Is something going off that you don't know about at his current job? Surely he will only be working 9-5 ish them hour's over 5?

Original poster
fairytale132 · 16/07/2021 19:11

The hours would be 7-5 at the moment it's 8-4 if that.
I don't think so other than lots of others have left due to bad management I could understand if they had asked him to go back to the office cos he really doesn't want to do that.
He's 60 time to wind down I feel not up.

OP posts:
PaterPower · 16/07/2021 19:41

If there was a significant pay rise, or the job was fundamentally different and something he wanted to try, then I’d say you weren’t being fair.

But a big increase in hours for the same work and salary? He’d have to be very unhappy there to make this make sense.

You’d also have to consider the impact on redundancy payments at his age. If he’s been at his current employer for a long time then switching to a new one resets the clock. He’d not be eligible for anything until he’d been there two years. It’s a big risk for a 60 YO to be taking unless you’ve both got a big financial cushion to fall back on.

I know it’s an employee’s market atm, but if he changes job and hates it, or they fold or they don’t keep him on, then how easy will it be for him to find another job? I worry about employability already and I’m not 50 yet. I have no illusions at all about my prospects in my 60s.

Original poster
fairytale132 · 16/07/2021 20:07

Theres a slight difference in salary by 1.5k less but for me it's a work life balance.
It's a no brainer, I'm full time and would love to do 3 days for the same money.
We've got on great during lockdown I work s 9 day fortnight and on my days off we have been walking spent the day out it's been great, that will change.
I feel a bit insulted he doesn't want time with me.
I agree about the redundancy, he's been there nearly 12 years and the company is on trouble, if anything is hang in then off the worst came then look for another job.
I'm just feeling like quality of life will change too.

OP posts:
billiebeeme · 16/07/2021 20:17

Yeah I agree with you but it's his choice.

My dh did someone similar when I was pregnant with dc2. Wasn't really much difference in pay, hours were pretty similar. A few more holiday in new job but most are set which is not a great thing. He was just bored and wanted a change.

Personally I wouldn't move jobs unless it was a for at least a few grand more a year. I'd want to be able to say well new job has paid for another holiday or my car payments etc.

litterbird · 16/07/2021 20:29

This is a tough one but its ultimately your partners choice. He must have thought long and hard about it to make this move after the time with his current employer. Perhaps he is just so fed up now that this new job could give him a spring in his step. He has also said he wont go if you really dont want him to. You really dont want him to, so maybe be clearer again. I think you are looking too inward at yourself thinking his job move is due to him not wanting to spend time with you. Instead of making it about how you feel for a moment - put yourself in his shoes where he has been in a job he has hated and wants to move to something else. He could be happier and there also maybe part time placements available at the new job too. I would personally support him in his new move. I think you just need to have an adjustment period where you may not go out for a walk as many times but still make time for the odd walk here and there. Retirement time is not long away and you can look forward and plan for that over the coming years.

Livelovebehappy · 16/07/2021 22:17

You need to be happy in your job, as we spend the majority of our waking hours working. I think if he’s said he’s unhappy with his present job that you should listen to him and support his decision. I’ve done jobs which I’ve disliked, and it’s soul destroying.

Original poster
fairytale132 · 17/07/2021 06:16

Thank you for your comments. Ask came to a head last night and I don't feel any better this morning. He said ok I'll stay where I am but you have to be prepared to keep me when it all goes tits up whiçh felt like I was being threatened.
He said what would be do when I went back to the office? I said it's hybrid anyway but how would i feel being alone every day?
It's more he needs to connect with others and I get that, I'm a bit of a loner ok with my own company. Bit things were said aside of this that I won't go in to because it wasn't relevant but hurtful so I feel crap this morning.

OP posts:
DownTownAbbey · 17/07/2021 06:37

If he's jumping before he's pushed he's wise to go with the new job. I've no idea about his area of work or skills but at 60 he's statistically likely to find it more difficult to get a new job. Maybe he'd prefer to stay the way he is too, but is being practical?

warmfluffytowels · 17/07/2021 06:50

It sounds to me like the current company is in trouble (or he's in trouble) and so he's jumping before he's pushed.

I get your concerns but at 60 he still probably has 7-8 years of work left to go and there's no point him spending that then miserable. He can always find another job if the new one is too much or doesn't work out Smile

I think you're wrong to be pissed off with him about him - working a job you hate is soul-destroying (been there) and it impacts your whole life. If he wants to swap three days for five days plus the odd Saturday he must be pretty miserable - don't guilt him into staying because it's what you'd prefer. It's not your choice.

AhNowTed · 17/07/2021 07:04

This really isn't about whether he wants to spend time with you.

A soul-destroying job is just that.

He's not happy doing it, so quite rightly he wants to do something else and has the opportunity to do so.

I wouldn't want my DH stuck in a job he hated just because it suits me.

Likewise I left a job I hated and he supported me.

tickingthebox73 · 17/07/2021 07:24

Mmmm, if the company is in trouble to the extent the staff know about it, I would take the new job...Much more sensible than being out of work. He won't get redundancy from the company if it goes bankrupt either, he'll just get some statutory payments from the government.

I'd move jobs if it were me. He can always look for something with better hours from the perspective of a paid job - easier to find.

Hopingforabagofbuttons · 17/07/2021 08:50

So you don’t want him to take the job because he’ll have less time to spend with you.
It sounds like he feels you have forced his hand and he’s feeling resentful. Tbh you sound really controlling , it’s his job, his life, let him work where he wants.

litterbird · 17/07/2021 10:04

@fairytale132

Thank you for your comments. Ask came to a head last night and I don't feel any better this morning. He said ok I'll stay where I am but you have to be prepared to keep me when it all goes tits up whiçh felt like I was being threatened. He said what would be do when I went back to the office? I said it's hybrid anyway but how would i feel being alone every day? It's more he needs to connect with others and I get that, I'm a bit of a loner ok with my own company. Bit things were said aside of this that I won't go in to because it wasn't relevant but hurtful so I feel crap this morning.
Can you please listen to what he is saying....he knows the company is in trouble, he hates the job and has found something else. Please can you tell him to take the new job and support him with it. Its not up to him to entertain you because you feel you will be alone all day. He has work to attend. We are coming out of lockdown and he wants to spend time with colleagues, its natural to do this. Are there issues at all with some anxiety? Attachment issues or abandonment issues that you are personally working on? If so, this is a perfect time to let him go to the other job and work on those things to build resilience.
layladomino · 17/07/2021 10:13

I know how it feels to be stressed and unhappy at work. If another opportunity came along that I though would make it better, I'd feel really hard done to if my DP objected for their own selfish reasons.

I can see that it will be a lot more hours than his current job, but then his current job is a lot fewer hours than most people his age work. If it means he'll feel happier and safer in his job surely it's worth it?

FinallyHere · 17/07/2021 11:36

Work life balance is really not just about the number of hours you work.

If lots of people are leaving because of bad management, it sounds as if his current work place isn't a great place to be.

An unpleasant work place atmosphere is one of the worst things in life, good on him for finding something different.

Hope you can find a way to live with that.

Ariela · 17/07/2021 12:32

Could he negotiate better pay at the new company?

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 17/07/2021 12:39

I disagree with posters who say this is his decision - in a partnership both people are affected by big life choices so these should be joint decisions as much as possible.
I think I would encourage him to look for something else, and discuss whether this new job offers significant improvement to his life. It sounds like there's potential for jumping from frying pan onto fire. If redundancy is possible them he'd presumably get a payout that would give him some time to look elsewhere for the right job?

warmfluffytowels · 17/07/2021 12:45

I disagree with posters who say this is his decision - in a partnership both people are affected by big life choices so these should be joint decisions as much as possible.

Hmm, I agree to an extent, but I wouldn't stay in a job that was making me miserable or destroying my mental health just because my partner didn't want me out of the house five days a week!

FaceyRomford · 17/07/2021 18:30

He said ok I'll stay where I am but you have to be prepared to keep me when it all goes tits up whiçh felt like I was being threatened.

Sounds to me like there is something major brewing at his current job and he's looking for a liferaft to get out on. I don't think this has anythng to do with you OP, I think he suspects there's something coming that he wants no part of.

NotaCoolMum · 18/07/2021 08:06

You sound utterly selfish and unsupportive. It’s not all about you.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 18/07/2021 08:58

So you’d rather he was unhappy just so you get time with him? I’d be leaving more than just the job if I were him.

Treioo · 18/07/2021 10:29

@fairytale132 sounds like his main concern is money? Ie job security? It doesn’t sound like he’s desperate to take the new job because it’s so fantastic, it just seems safer? I could be totally wrong! But that’s how it sounds if he’s said are to going to keep him. Feeling like your job isn’t secure is a horrible horrible feeling and I sense it’s more about tang than wanting to take on more days.

I disagree with posters saying you’re not being supportive. I would be upset too OP. Of course you want to maximise time together. That said, if it were me I think I would try and chat calmly with him but agree with what he decides to do, then when it becomes too much (it will, going from home working to full time with travel), be there for him and look for something new. I wouldn’t see him taking this job as that being it. Let him try it. If he loves it then he’s happy, if not you can look for something remote with him. There are lots of jobs like that now and I don’t see that changing.

Viviennemary · 18/07/2021 10:38

I think you need to leave him to it. Fair enough to point out the drawbacks and tell him to think about it carefully. But the decision needs to be his. But if he hates his present job and feels he might lose it anyway then I think he is being sensible moving on.

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