Pregnant at 40 and no proposal

[Emtaboo]

Hi there
I’m pregnant with my partner (we dated many years ago and reconciled nearly 3 years ago). This is the first child for us both. We get on really well and are living together in my new home. In my ways we’re just another couple but I have concerns that he may never marry me. Please don’t tell me it’s just a piece of paper. I know for some it is, but it’s important to me. I’m divorced and he got married and divorced young. He was engaged to a woman years ago too (after we dated the first time) but she cheated on him and the wedding didn’t go ahead. We’re both in our 40s, so not too young; saving for a ring isn’t an issue for him and we’ve both got good careers.
Years ago he kept blowing hot and cold with me and mentioned marriage but it never materialised. I feel we’ve both grown up now but I feel that he’s been prepared to marry two other women before me, I’m carrying his child (which he’s happy about) but I’m not good enough somehow. I’m always open about important issues like finance etc and keep telling him we need to communicate etc but the one thing I will never hint about is marriage. I would want him to ask me because he wants to, and not just because I’m pregnant. We’re genuinely happy and his friends/ family and mine can see that. Am I wrong for starting to feel frustrated? Has anyone else been in this position please?

Op whats the financial situation? Does he have equal assets? Because if the house is in your name only, it may not be of benefit to you to marry him.

Are you giving up work? Or reducing hours? Is he?

Given you've discussed marriage previously, and he still hasn't proposed, it doesn't sound like he wants to marry you. If he did, he would have done it by now, given the length of the relationship, your ages and stage in life, not to mention you have a baby on the way.

Are you financially equitable? Will you lose out financially by going part time? Are you an adult with full agency over your life and choices??
If you've got more than him financially then don't marry him but if you are equitable then just have the conversation. The time for Jane Austen proposals is done: you're 40 and pregnant. Just talk to him.

So he doesn't know you'd like to get married again, having both already been divorced once, but you're miffed he hasn't mentioned it.........when you haven't mentioned it. Does sound a bit unreasonable, sorry!

Marriage or civil partnership, get yourself protected. You will be spending the best part of the rest of your working life giving him free labour, never mind the many many tens of thousands of pounds you will loose from paid work. He needs a will to you and the child's benefit, likewise critical illness cover and you both need Power of attorney for each other.

I got as far as ‘living together in my new home’

Do you own it? Do you have roughly equal assets? If I was the homeowner I wouldn’t be marrying anyone if it meant potentially losing half should we split up.

So you mentioned it before but that’s all?

Should really thought of it properly before you got pregnant.

Tell him you want to get married. He may not be that bothered.

Unless he is in a similar financial position to you then don't do it

Learn from the wise women of mumsnet!

If you don't stand to lose financially then just tell him you would like to be married.
If he says no then I'm afraid you have a decision to make.
I agree with pp saying to keep the baby's name the same as yours if you're not married before the birth.

Marriage or civil partnership, get yourself protected. You will be spending the best part of the rest of your working life giving him free labour, never mind the many many tens of thousands of pounds you will loose from paid work

O/p says she has a good job, how will she lose 10’s of thousands of pounds? And “free labour”? Are you assuming she’ll be a sahm? Because women can stay in work once they’ve had children these days…

What about the possibly hundreds of thousands of pounds o/p will lose if she marries and he is entitled to half her house?

Marriage/civil partnership isn’t always “protection” for women. Read pp, it can end up with them being far worse off on divorce, especially for older or financially stable women.