Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Drug use?

57 replies

Loui98 · 14/07/2021 21:28

Hi

Does anyone have any experience of their partner being addicted to drugs? What are some of the signs? If someone disappears once a week and you just can’t get hold of them and then makes up a ridiculous excuse the next day does this point towards drug use? Alongside always being broke, having a very addictive personality, being a heavy drug user in the past? The drug I am concerned about is cocaine. How would you know if your partner does coke if you don’t live with them? Apart from always having a runny nose and being broke what other signs are there?

OP posts:
Original poster
Loui98 · 14/07/2021 23:17

About the drug test thing when I have brought up the subject of drugs before he willingly says oh just get a drug test off the net and then you can stop going on about it. But surely he would do the test when he’s been clean for a week?

He did almost kill himself with cocaine use before I knew him. He was in hospital and he had a hole in his lung or something like that. He didn’t tell me after ages but I guess this shows how much cocaine he used to be on (I’m not exactly sure when his hospital stay was as he hides things)

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 14/07/2021 23:25

He probably comes to you to save some money. He sounds really awful, OP. You deserve so much better than this.

lawandgin · 14/07/2021 23:37

I am the sister of a cocaine addict. Run and don't look back. It is always worse than they lead you to believe. I have MN to thank for making me realise how bad it was when he was filling my head with BS.

Scbchl · 14/07/2021 23:42

Yip hes 100% on coke. Let him come to you the day after when he's asking too and get him to blow his nose. There will likely be residue or blood in it. Dont waste your time on him. He could get a henry - 3 grams for around 80 quid and that could last him the night. He could take more or less than that. Always follow your gut.

Original poster
Loui98 · 14/07/2021 23:46

@HollowTalk that’s what I thought. He has actually told me that he spends every single penny of his on coming to see me and buying me stuff! He just twists everything

OP posts:
Original poster
Loui98 · 14/07/2021 23:50

@Scbchl when he is at mine he is constantly blowing his nose and it’s always so so runny! He says he has a problem with his sinuses. Another thing I find weird is when he is at mine he BINGE EATS and I cannot understand how someone can eat so much (he is athletic) and it seems as though when he is on his own he doesn’t eat much due to coke and then makes up for it at the weekend when he’s not on coke

OP posts:
Original poster
Loui98 · 14/07/2021 23:52

@lawandgin I really was in denial that he was on coke. He sounds so convincing all the time and when he is with me is really nice but all the evidence points to coke use and unfortunately I think his is quite bad. He has told me himself that he wouldn’t get anything out of £40 of coke and when he does it he will do around £300 worth at a time (he made out this was when he was younger) and I believe this is probably what he’s doing

OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 15/07/2021 07:19

He’s blowing his money on coke and then scrounging food off you so he doesn’t have to buy any. What a loser!

Original poster
Loui98 · 15/07/2021 08:15

&ChaToilLeam he buys all the food when he comes to mine incl takeouts but yeah he has been blowing money on coke

OP posts:
Original poster
Loui98 · 15/07/2021 08:19

He has admitted this morning that yesterday he did a couple of lines of coke & that his friend gave it him for free. He only admitted it because he thought he got caught out. I txt him saying ‘I know you were with xxxx he told me you were with him’ now this guy is a cokehead and so he thought he would admit it because there wouldn’t be any other explanation of why he was with him and went awol. I told him I’m leaving him and he was like no you’re not and was in denial. Then he said here comes my depression again and can he still come around on the weekend if only as friends (as we’d both taken AL next week to do something nice and this was planned ages ago) I just said no and hung up

He can’t call me or txt me as surprise surprise he doesn’t even have credit that’s how broke he is

OP posts:
Original poster
Loui98 · 15/07/2021 08:22

He also tried to blame me saying he’s been wanting to move in with me ages ago and that because I haven’t let it happen he gets bored at home alone so he puts himself around bad company. I told him I feel lonely at times it doesn’t mean I go around doing coke. He was minimising the situation saying he only did coke last night but hasn’t done it previously but obv he is lying. He said give me two weeks to prove I can stop it all but I’ve just said no. Normally on the phone when I’ve tried breaking up with him he will actually get very emotional and start crying but today he just seemed in denial and wouldn’t accept it

OP posts:
Dothedo · 15/07/2021 09:59

Stay strong OP, you're doing great. You do not need this in your life. Believe me, I've been there, it's grim.

belimoo · 15/07/2021 10:08

I can almost guarantee it was a lot more than a couple of lines and it wasn't for free. He's minimising to make it seem less bad than it was. Classic behaviour of a liar.

Even if he didn't have a drug issue (he does), you know for a fact that he lies to you regularly, hides details of his past from you and it's pretty clear from your recent posts that he gaslights you (he turns things around on you, confuses you and makes you think things are your fault when they aren't).

I know it can be hard but please try to see that he doesn't have your best interests at heart. He is behaving selfishly and he definitely won't give you a happy, calm future. You can do better, be strong Thanks

Original poster
Loui98 · 15/07/2021 10:23

Thanks. Yes he’s definitely done more than a couple of lines. He rang me from work today very very early and seemed very lively so I assume he’s not slept all night. And yes he does gaslight me. I don’t know how he’s managed to turn is coke use around and is blaming me for not letting him live with me!!!

OP posts:
southeastlady · 15/07/2021 10:28

I have been in your situation. He is 100% a cocaine addict. I would bet my house on it

Also addicts do not give away a couple of lines of their drugs for free

My advice is to RUN. Seriously dont even engage in conversation any more with him just block his number

Tinacollada · 15/07/2021 10:31

He sounds like a right twat.

Locate your self esteem

Brown76 · 15/07/2021 11:13

You don’t trust him, so don’t move in with him.

Iseeyoulookingatme · 15/07/2021 11:34

Your fixating on the cocaine use but really you should be looking at his behaviour towards you. He lies to you, is manipulating you and is using you op, he does not love you. The drug use is bad if £40 doesn't do anything for him, it means he needs a higher dose so is most definitely addicted, a regular user and from experience it gets worse. Run while you can op, don't waste your time on this loser.

Original poster
Loui98 · 15/07/2021 11:36

@southeastlady yes they don’t. He said that he was at his friends house & his friend was doing coke and he lined him up a couple of lines and said that’s for you. Doesn’t even sound believable at all. He seems to minimise the situation by saying he gets ‘bored’ and is easily led

OP posts:
Original poster
Loui98 · 15/07/2021 11:41

@Iseeyoulookingatme yes I should focus on how he treats me. When he is with me he is usually a very nice guy and treats me very well and I would never ever guess that he uses coke. So I’ve been focusing on his positives I guess. When he is apart from me that’s when the cracks start to show. And yes, he laughs at people who do £40 of coke saying it’s like offering someone one crisp from a crisp packet and what’s the point. He said he gets nothing out of 4 lines of coke and to get on a session will need £200/300 worth. But he said all this was when he was on coke years back. Obviously he’s been lying.

OP posts:
Tinacollada · 15/07/2021 11:56

Bored and easily led?!

You've got yourself a child
There

Original poster
Loui98 · 15/07/2021 12:08

@Tinacollada Grin yup!

OP posts:
longwayoff · 15/07/2021 12:14

He was cleaning the kitchen and fell asleep?Hmm time for a toxicology test. Alternatively, he's a user and a liar OP, so time to send him on his way. Don't make yourself responsible for someone's behaviour. Bin him.

HeavenHotel · 15/07/2021 12:27

Why haven't you blocked him? You asked if you'd been stupid. Well if you continue to contact and see him I think that would be very silly! :(

Original poster
Loui98 · 15/07/2021 12:27

@longwayoff yes Grin what a stupid lie! but the funny thing is, he did lie once about having his car impounded and then a couple of months later it actually happened. He also lied to me about going golf one day, then that weekend he took me and they were closing at 5 and he said oh don’t you open till 8? And the man said no we’ve not been open till 8 since Covid. When the weekend before he was apparently there till 8 so he got caught out again. So he was too busy doing drugs and making up stupid lies to cover for his tracks.

I don’t think I have any doubt now that he is a proper cocaine addict. Before I’d fall for his stupid lies because of how stupid they were (who actually makes up a lie saying they were cleaning their kitchen and fell asleep?!) and all along he would make me feel as though I’m just being needy and wanting his attention all the time, when really I would wonder what he gets up to in the evenings that he can’t even answer his phone & why is he always broke

OP posts: