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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

MY HUSBAND ROLD ME IM UNNATRACTIVE WHILE PREGNANT AND THAT HE WILL WATCH PORN WHEN HE WANTS TO AND THAT I JUST NEED TO DEAL WITH IT

52 replies

Tasha128 · 14/07/2021 18:25

Me and my husband have been married for almost 3years, together for 7 with some major up and down in between. Since I got pregnant his attitude has completely changed towards me. I'm now 7 and a half months pregnant and after us arguing all the time I just asked what his problem with us being intimate or even cuddling at the moment is cause we are doing non of it. He told me that some men don't find pregnant women attractive and he is one of them, even if I offer a bj or anything he always says no but he will happily watch porn and do his thing. He told me that I just need to deal with it and stop getting upset and anxious over it. Then he said that we can talk about it after the baby comes and I start working on my self a little bit.He has also become super selfish, hes not trying to help me with anything around the house,I don't ever get complemented on anything and just the opposite he never likes anything or says the most fake comments that literally have no meaning to just try make me feel better, he only cares about his feelings and he wants to get everything for himself like sell my car and get a "nice" car for himself? He joined a gym which is great in a way for him but it makes my anxiety go through the roof cause I know he will be looking at all them beautiful women in there and wish I was like them.There is obvieusly a lot of other issues but this is something that hurt me so much that I just don't know how to look past it, did he really need to be so honest? Do I just move on? It's our first baby and I can't see coping by myself with no money or family to turn to but I am so hurt and unhappy I just don't know what to do. I keep thinking of leaving but I literally have no where to go so I'm looking for tips to I guess just get over it for the babies sake. Sorry for a long post but I just need some words of encouragement rather then him being "nice" about it x

OP posts:
Polly271220 · 14/07/2021 19:55

What a pig....get rid!

FangsForTheMemory · 14/07/2021 19:56

I'd dump him now. Then you can get sorted out ahead of your baby arriving and concentrate on being your own little family without his crap. He thinks he can do what he wants because you're dependent on him. Show him you're not.

Moonshine160 · 14/07/2021 20:17

Leave! Now!

Marineboy67 · 14/07/2021 20:20

Your husband sounds like a right massive cunt, start planning your future without him. Stsrt getting them ducks in a row.

me4real · 14/07/2021 20:30

This is psychological/emotional abuse @Tasha128 , at a time which a lot of women find is one of their least confident times. Sad

He should be reassuring you and making you feel better during your pregnancy than you would feel without him, not worse. xxx

Itsmeagainandagain · 14/07/2021 20:49

Him joining a gym will be a novelty that will wear off. Not all people that go to gyms are hot slim gym bunnies they are all shapes and sizes and most do not and will not tolerate a needy perv trying to eye them up while they are getting fit or losing weight, they are there to be left alone and he will find that out the hard way when someone kicks him in the goolies.
You can do better, he's selfish and a spoiled brat. Why should you mother a man baby?

Workinghardeveryday · 14/07/2021 20:53

Op, you sound really lovely. You deserve so much better than him - but you know that deep down.
You are pregnant and it’s scary the thought of leaving, but from what you have said I really believe you will be happier without him than the unhappiness of being with him.
When you were a little girl did you dream of ending up with someone like him?! - no!!!
Now is a good time to do something about it, you can do it!! Xxx

oldstudentmum · 14/07/2021 21:06

Is his name Henry vIII ? This isn’t the Tudor times what a nasty attitude very disrespectful to you as his partner mother of child and as a human. LTB what a C**T!

Dontwatchfootball · 14/07/2021 21:17

A lot of men get abusive when their partner is pregnant. Sounds like he is one of them.

something2say · 14/07/2021 21:25

It bothers me that he feels his way goes and you're to toe the line. Fuck him. Be very careful with money now live, squirrel sine away just in case, and maybe make a spare room for yourself. I'm sorry he's being such a loser man when I bet you are gorgeous and a miracle xxx

Crikeyalmighty · 14/07/2021 21:29

He's an absolute arse and it’s incredibly presumptuous that you would be remotely ok with him watching porn at all unless you’ve always been aware of it and said you are fine with it— many many women simply aren’t ok with it at all. I think I would probably see the pregnancy out with him and mentally prepare for the fact you may well be in this on your own with a baby and check things out financially in advance

MistressOfEvilMaleficent · 14/07/2021 21:31

What a horrid, horrid man. Speak to your midwife about what's going on, and that you want help to leave. If he is behaving like this before the baby arrives, what an earth is he going to be like whilst you are post partum, dealing with more changes to your body, a newborn to look after that you will understandably put first.

Like DS's father was a bit squeemish about sex in the latter months (not that he was even around for the latter months as he was deployed overseas) but he had this weird anxiety that he might "hurt the baby" he never told me I was disgusting if anything he would say flattering and loving things because I was growing and about to birth his son!

Duskydai · 14/07/2021 21:37

Leave him now. It will only get worse when the baby comes and all your attention is rightfully on your precious newborn or even worse, he will be jealous of your baby. When you give birth you feel so so so vulnerable. I cried a lot in the early days from the shock and hormones, and I had a loving supportive partner who did all the cooking, cleaning, massaging me, forcing me to drink water, changing nappies etc. You are going to feel horrendous if you have this loser there being a useless shithead whilst you physically and emotionally recover from the biggest change of your life. Trust us, a lot of women here have been through similar, we know what it’s like. Protect yourself and your baby

Redwinestillfine · 14/07/2021 21:43

Wow. He really doesn't want to be a dad. He's pushing you away and being awful in the hope you'll walk out. He doesn't deserve you or your baby.

Bumpsadaisie · 14/07/2021 21:50

He's fooled you into thinking he is the prize and you have to jump through the hoops to win.

He is trying by projection to make you feel the feeling he doesn't want to know about.

He makes you worry that he doesn't want you, but really this is about his fear that you don't want HIM now you've got your baby and he is let out of that.

Of course he is an adult so it's down to him to take responsibility for his feelings and work them through rather than dump them on you.

But hopefully thinking about it like this will help you realise that this is really nothing to do with you at all, nothing to do with how attractive you are. It's all about his insecurities.

Bumpsadaisie · 14/07/2021 21:50
  • left
Funnylittlefloozie · 14/07/2021 22:58

Oh sweetie, he is a horrible, horrible man, and you are better off without him. His behaviour is NOT normal, and I think you know this. Please be kind to yourself, keep yourself safe, and do some serious thinking about whether this is a relationship worth staying in.

FootieFever22 · 14/07/2021 23:05

Tell him he's unattractive full stop.

He can go to the gym and be pretty on the outside but he's fucking ugly on the inside.

I have to wonder what the ups and downs in the history of your relationship have been - he sounds like an abuser.

QueenofLouisiana · 14/07/2021 23:05

How deeply unpleasant. Due to issues with my cervix we chose not to have sex while I was pg, but there were lots of cuddles and snuggles. DH told me I was beautiful every single day (even when I really wasn’t at my best).
You deserve the same, not the shit he’s giving you.

Hopingforabagofbuttons · 15/07/2021 15:56

This is the beginning of his abuse. Now you are pregnant he knows it’s harder for you to leave. He’s a disgusting pig, it’s hard but leaving him is the only way you will be happy

Bbub · 15/07/2021 17:37

OP you're worth so much more than this. You and your beautiful pregnant self should be cherished right now!

He doesn't have respect for you, there is no getting over it for the baby's sake, please protect yourself and do right by YOU that's the best thing for the baby in the long run.

I hope you can look into your options for leaving seriously. Good luck

Deathraystare · 15/07/2021 17:54

Well, it is not going to get any better is it? He has shown his true colours alright. Leave as soon as you can.

gardeninggirl68 · 15/07/2021 18:03

you should start planning your exit op

have your baby then start to think of options. if you are safe, stay put for now and read up on leaving, lone parenting, benefits etc. have a good think....he won't change, you know that deep down

MondayYogurt · 15/07/2021 18:08

OP - were there other things that he said and did before you got pregnant that you didn't like?

Did you think he would change for the better once he knew you were having his baby?

DoingItMyself · 15/07/2021 18:16

No, no, not your husband. YOUR EX.
Do it.

He doesn't think of you as a person, the mother of his child. He thinks of you as a sex aid. You are his wank sock. But only when you're 'attractive' enough.

Is that good enough for the rest of your life? I can answer that for you. No, it's not.

Get out now.

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