Thanks all for your advice on the other thread. It was suggested I start a new one for support as the old was about sending messages to OW husband
For info I found out about the affair on 20th April, she’s a work colleague, known her for years, it had been going on about 8 weeks. They were in ‘love’, etc etc. He told me it was escapism, he was a mess etc. He’s an alcoholic with a number of MH problems (PTSD and anxiety). We decided to work on things.
He left his job with her to start a new one three weeks later. He asked her for advice about his goodbye email and asked her to come to the quiz for his leaving (online). I lost my shit, turns out they’d been calling each other, but that this was it etc etc (I’m such a fool).
He’s been a mess as it all started at work and they both had a disciplinary hearing for being caught kissing at work. They are NHS, pandemic is on, should have declared rela etc. I stood by him and supported him through this until his hearing last week. It’s been utter shit. But I supported him and put my stresses to one side to help him.
Last night we had bit of a row - I was upset and struggling with hurt and betrayal etc. Went out for a walk at 9.30pm to clear my head, came home and went to bed.
Long story short, she had been scheduled into a meeting with him two weeks or so ago. She had emailed him via work to tell him. He told her not a good plan, she rang him, they talked and she asked him to set up an email account so they could see how each other was in the future. He said no. Never told any of this to me or our therapist. Last night, after our row, he set up the email and sent her the details via work.
If I hadn’t realised something was wrong (he’d taken my phone charger for his work phone, something he never does) they would have been merrily messaging each other and the EA would have all started again.
I’m such a mess. He’s gone, but I’m hurting so much and feel such a fool