He says he gets urges to entertain other women

[AlexisDavid]

Hi so I’ve been seeing a guy for 6 months, everything seemed to be going great, he told me he loved me recently. And I feel the same way.

So my friend invited me for some drinks on Friday night, I went along and it turned out her boyfriend and his friend was there. I’ve met this friend before and I know he was interested in me previously but nothing happened between us. I stayed for drinks and we were all sat around talking and having some food. No flirting or anything happened.

I saw my boyfriend the next day told him about it and he said I shouldn’t of stayed because this guy was interested in me before. I feel like he should trust me enough to be around men without losing my mind. He said, he had plenty of opportunities to be around women that fancy him, he said he has urges sometimes to talk to other women or to sleep with but he doesn’t. He gets feelings like that but out of respect for me he doesn’t do it.

Am I being crazy or is that ridiculous? We should be in the honeymoon phase right now, everything seemed to be going so good and he’s just thrown that in my face and I just feel so meh. I left his house quickly after that and we haven’t spoken since Saturday.

Throw this one back in the pond.

Its at best an attempt to tell you upfront he will cheat on you, at worst a manipulative gaslighty attempt to control who you see and talk to.

None of which are acceptable at any time, but as you say, especially not during the honeymoon phase when he will be on his very best behaviour.

He’s seeing how much control he can exert

Dump him

Agree with pp - dump him.

He doesn't get to tell you that you should go home if there's a random bloke there - and that you should be doing this because although he'd like to sleep with other women he doesn't.

Are you supposed to be fucking grateful for that? He's a knob.

Yeah, two red flags!

Yep. Time to get rid. Look at how irresistible I am but I selflessly refuse their advances as I'm such a good guy

Oh no, couldn't help myself. She kept throwing herself at me. What was I supposed to do. That will be his next thing.

Plus him trying to tell you who you can see..... nope. Get rid.

Sorry op. This is definitely a red flag. Throw him back.

Okay thank you guys. I wasn’t sure how to feel. The way he worded it was like I should be grateful?!

I totally agree about his issues about the drink I had the other day. I stupidly just thought because he was cheated on in the past, he had some trust issues. But I’ve never done anything to make him doubt me

That's his intention! To make you feel grateful so you put up with his shit.

Funny how many controlling men say they have been cheated on in the past as a way to excuse their controlling behaviours...

I’m such an idiot. All the little comments I thought he must of loved me, rather than possession

His issues aren't your problem.

Don't ever modify your behaviour just to pacify someone who claims they've been badly treated in the past. That's their baggage to resolve. Don't let yourself be controlled by someone who tells you it's because their ex cheated/lied/etc.

Buy him this then get rid.

@AlexisDavid, you're not an idiot. You recognised there was a problem and did something about it.

Urgh! Next.

Well, his mask slipped, didn't it? Get rid.

@AlexisDavid

Definitely a throw back into the pond from me.

Anyone who is self important enough to tell you he has 'urges' to chat up other women, but is such a 'nice guy' he doesn't 'act on it' is pond scum in my book !

As you say, you should still be in the 'honeymoon' phase of the relationship, and he's telling you that ..............

a) He wants to sleep with other women.............

b) He thinks he's so bloody 'irresistible' that he needs to 'check himself' frequently so he doesn't 'give in' to the 'urges'

c) He thinks he has the right to tell you who you can and cannot see, because apparently you're not to be trusted ??

It's not really difficult to see the issues you'd be facing in the future, is it ?

He was always this guy, better that you know sooner rather later.

Yes two red flags. He expected you to leave, how would he have expected you to explain that I wonder. “Sorry I cannot stay because there is an unattached man in my presence”.

And then as for the other, well I cannot imagine anyone I have ever been involved with telling me that they have urges to sleep with other women.

Don't waste another minute on this man, he will try to control and change you.
Find someone who is worthy of you.

Into the bin he goes

Does he think it's normal to have urges to sleep with other people :S wtf... No that's not normal, definitely dump

@AlexisDavid

I’m such an idiot. All the little comments I thought he must of loved me, rather than possession

Chalk it up to experience and be thankful that you are smart enough to realise control doesn't equal love. I spent 17 years learning this lesson.

Thank you so much everyone you’re keeping me from wanting to talk to him. This is exactly my point, he shouldn’t be interested in anyone else but me. that’s exactly what he wants from me

How controlling! Telling you you should have left your friends house , he will just get worse I'm afraid .

I think you're focusing on the wrong thing here (r.e. your thread title and comments like "he shouldn't be interested in anyone else but me")

It's entirely normal to find other people attractive or fancy them whilst in a relationship. There has to be trust on both sides that neither of you will act on those urges but it's inevitable that he'll fancy other women in his lifetime.

The enormous red flag waving in your face is that he's a jealous insecure man that regards you as his possession.