Someone slap me

[skinnycat89]

So this might be a long one be with my now ex partner for 7 years but over the years he has been cheating with girls online I take him back well I beg himback so I begged him back January we said fresh start and Friday I find out he been messaging a girl he works with and starting messaging m calling me a fat mess and lazy bitch I have 3 children 1 of them is his I also work and do all the housework he would sit on the computer not helping ... he has moved out and am finding it so bloody hard not ring and text and beg him back ... am 32 this year no1 will look twice at me

Consider yourself mentally slapped.

YOU deserve someone who worships you.

Fat mess indeed.

And him the cheating ‘prize’ that he is.

You will never feel as unwanted on your own as he makes you feel.

Onwards and upwards lass.

He has crushed your self esteem so much that you think you can't do better. You know that is bullsh*t.

He is a lying, cheating, verbally abusive creep. Raise the bar and know better days are ahead.

He’s no catch OP and you know it. Don’t allow him to drag you down further. Limit contact to the bare minimum required for your shared DC and go forth and be happy. Firm slap around the shoulders from me.

Sounds exactly like my STBEH. Well done for splitting. You are not on your own, you have your children. You also have us. Complete strangers, who, some of us have been there, and some of us have the sense to never go there.
32, you’re still gorgeous. I’m 46, and have to fend men off sometimes. You are not single, you’re available. Take some time to be kind to yourself. If you feel nobody will want you, then the first men you will attract are the guys that can see your vulnerability and use and abuse it. Be you. Be a mum, and then strutt your stuff. Xx

You need to look twice at you.

Single rocks. Jennifer Aniston, Kristen Scott Thomas, google single celebrities, there's lots of them.

Make changes in your life so that you become somebody that you would look twice at. See it as a project. A big project that will last the rest of your life.

Start with this: If someone respected you, and I mean, really respected you, what advice would they give you about getting back with this bloke? Follow that advice. Always follow the advice of someone who respects you (even you have to make someone up because nobody in real life is around when you need them) or copy what someone who had epic self respect would do in your situation (think of a tv character with great self respect. Make her your hero. Copy what she'd do, at every turn.)

You don't currently have any self respect, but you don't need it. You just need to be able to imagine it, and copy it. After a little while, you'll start to twig that it feels loads better than what you've been doing so far, and it will start to be integral to your character.

But for God's sake, start doing some copying RIGHT NOW because now is when you need it most.

You know what, looking back, whenever I let someone back into my life who I should have kept firmly out of it, you know what I think it boiled down to...?

BOREDOM!

I was bored, and they gave me some kind of drama to hook onto.

You know perfectly well he's not worth it. Find something you enjoy doing. Invest all that emotional effort into yourself. Take an interest in seeing yourself flourish. Honestly, you can do it. Avoid trashy magazines/telly, which brainwash us into stupid behaviour 😋 Start with simple things: Plan a lovely breakfast for tomorrow, so that you look forward to waking up in the morning.

Good luck!

Honestly everyone has been in a situation where they end up messaging their ex so don’t beat yourself up about it.

You need to delete his number so you’re not tempted to text or ring him.
The more you beg for him back the more he will treat you like crap so give yourself a time limit like a month and tell yourself you won’t message him before that date.
During that time join a gym, meet up with friends and do some things to improve your self esteem.
If after that month you want to message him then do but once you’ve got your confidence back you will find you can do a lot better. And I can guarantee that if you don’t contact him for a month he will literally be begging for you back.

Surely being along is better than being with Thais pathetic excuse???

32?!?!?! You have your whole life ahead of you. You ARE young! I was still travelling and all sorts at 32!
You are bored, do something! Do not let the trash back!

If you take your ex back it would be the equivalent of digging in the rubbish bin where all the green rubbish juice is..
Would you do that? Imagine you threw some fish in the rubbish bin a day or so ago.. so would you dig out something in fishy smelling, green rubbish juice from
The bottom of the bin?

That’s what you would be doing if you beg your ex back.

You deserve better. Tell yourself this every morning in the mirror and every night before bed. You deserve better than a man who’s is the equivalent of green smelly bottom of the bin rubbish juice.

You are bound to flourish after leaving a toxic relationship. He will be looking at you in a few months and begging you back I garuntee. Don't go there!!!! He will ruin your self esteem once again and fuck you over as he always as.

@MarshmallowSwede ‘green bottom of the bin rubbish juice’ love it!!!!

You don't have to look like a supermodel to have someone look twice at you. Decent men want a partner - someone they get on well with who is enjoyable to be around and snuggle up with at the end of the day. Unless you go for the same sort of shallow idiot again, there's absolutely no reason why you wouldn't be somebody's dream partner. But don't rush into anything, spend some time just being you first.

You're only 32. Imagine 50 years of the shit he's doing to you.

Imagine your kids being in similar relationships because they see it in yours and think it's acceptable.

He has ground you down over 7 years to feel like you need him to make you valuable. My ex did this, I felt that I couldn't breathe without him. We've been apart for 5.5 years, I've had brief relationships (one led to a quick pregnancy which was a further mistake) but I've been single for 3 years with no hint of a man. And I have come to an earth shattering conclusion - the only time I miss a man is when I have to put the bins out or I'm having a migraine and would like someone to strok my hair while I sleep. Everything else I can do myself or outsource.

I am 35, overweight with bad hair, two kids by two dads, bad cook - but someone might think I'm a prize and if I meet him, I meet him. I'm not stressing about it because I have got everything I need and want. Focus on what you want/need and let him torture some bugger else

Prove him wrong!

No one will look at you at 32? Don't be ridiculous people get together at any age. I met my DW when she was 31.

He’s the fucking mess , love

I remember having a bit of a melt down when I turned 30, I genuinely felt so old & stuck.

I'm 52 now, I wish I hadn't wasted so much time & energy feeling old, stuck & 'past it'

Please try to believe that 32 really IS still young, don't wallow, don't waste it, cry tonight and tomorrow look forwards, not backwards and start living your life afresh! I wish I had, I wasted too much time looking back and wishing for what could not be!!

Try to learn from us, it's not a lesson you need to learn for yourself x

Slap him right out of your house. Slap him with child maintenance and show him who’s lazy.

Thank you for the reply's I no use are all right ... all I get out of his is I don't love you anymore and go away he won't even speak to me at all ... it's so bloody hard I don't want to cry I want to be strong and not show him I care I mean I don't want another boy friend any time soon but I just look at myself and think who will love me I gave my all to this boy and still not good enough ... but apparently am a weirdo for wanting to talk to him xxx

Be a role model to your dc. Show them your worth.

I literally feel like such a loser as well

@skinnycat89

I literally feel like such a loser as well

Take full responsibility for this. You are in charge of your own life. Until you get hold of that, you will continue to be the victim of circumstance, and it won't just be these circumstances, it will be something new all the time.

If you feel like a loser, then do things that would make you feel more like a winner. If you feel sad, either accept it, knowing it will pass, or do things that will make you less sad. If you are angry, express it somehow, or accept that you are angry and that you will have to wait to be calm.

Nobody can fix this for you. Nobody.

You can fix it, and it is your responsibility to. If you don't, you will keep hanging onto idiots in the hope that they will make you feel better. Do you really want idiots to be in charge of you? Currently, you are allowing one to be.

I just look at myself and think who will love me

You will. Start.