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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Heartbroken (again)

27 replies

heartbrokenagain89 · 10/07/2021 23:00

Another relationship has failed. How cliched, I really thought he could be 'the one'. I used to be a commitment phobe but worked on myself with a therapist. I was in a really good place to meet someone. And I did meet someone. On the second date, I mentioned I was looking for a partner and for someone to build a life with - including a family. I was mid 30s, and he was early 40s. He said he was on the same stage in his life. Few months later, he said he was in love. I said the same. Everything was fine - we were really connecting. A year in, things started to change. I started to sense he was actually quite avoidant and pulling away. Another year on, he says he doesn't know what love is, and isn't sure about us. He doesn't know what love is etc. He's not sure he actually wants kids etc. I've ended it because I cannot be dealing with this at my age and this far into the relationship. I always made it clear that I was after a serious relationship - he always said the right things. Typical.

I am utterly sick of meeting these commitment phobic type men, who started out so keen, then completely pull away. None of my ex boyfriends have partnered up long term - all in their late 30s to early 40s. So I can't say it was me - it's not like any of them have moved in with a woman or ended up married. But I do keep dating these type of men. And I'm so fed up. I don't know how many more times I can see my therapist. How many more times I can work on myself. How many more times I can be honest with a guy I'm dating as to what I am looking for. How many more times I can be patient.

These men I date aren't even bad boy types. All are professional type, nice men, who seem to have everything going for them. Good jobs, friends, solid family background etc. It's why I date them.

I can't face another failed relationship or dating, but I need to get on the horse again so to speak, and quite quickly, as my biological clock is ticking. It's just so painful, I am still here, breaking up, and starting all over again.

Has anyone else been through the same thing? Any advice?

OP posts:
AnaViaSalamanca · 10/07/2021 23:13

Why such a narrow age range? Have you considered dating men a bit younger? Are you open to dating single dads?

heartbrokenagain89 · 10/07/2021 23:18

Thanks for replying AnaViaSalamanca I don't have a narrow age range - it's just the age range I've ended up dating.

What is affecting me most of all is how I have zero faith I will meet someone suitable. I just don't believe it anymore. And it really, really hurts. Before, when starting over again, I always had faith. Now, after so many years, why would it be any different now. Most men are so awful.

OP posts:
LunaTheCat · 10/07/2021 23:26

So sorry this is happening to you. Have been there and done that - it is hard being mid 30’s and single.
Is it time to re-frame your life.
Maybe book some sessions with psychotherapist ?
I did this and very helpful.
Never give up - maybe you need to tweak how you do things?

ThePurplePalace · 10/07/2021 23:31

So sorry this has happened to you. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. You’re being honest with yourself, with them & well bloody done for ending it and not hanging in there like so many do.

The only thing I’m wondering is if these men have had marriages or long term relationships in their past or do you date long term bachelors?

You sound great. Please don’t give up x

heartbrokenagain89 · 10/07/2021 23:33

LunaTheCat One thing I'll tweak, if I ever date again, is to continue to date many men until one really makes the cut...

OP posts:
Rosetintedglasses666 · 10/07/2021 23:35

Maybe not ideal but what about looking for a single dad... May be more open to having children and a serious relationship. Maybe!!

heartbrokenagain89 · 10/07/2021 23:36

ThePurplePalace Long term bachelors I guess. They all start off so keen, say and do all the right things. All seem very normal and nice for the first 6-9 months, then it goes downhill. I have my head screwed on, I know what lovebombing etc but they've all seemed so genuine in the beginning. None have been married, and none have married since.

OP posts:
anthurium · 11/07/2021 00:30

Hi Op, I'm sorry to hear you're going through another heartbreak. Yes, I've been through it - multiple failed relationships including a marriage. At the beginning of the year I decided that enough was enough so I chose to go down the sperm donor route, aged 39, and I'm now 17 weeks pregnant via IVF. No more panic dating looking for a partner to start a family with (and the dread, anxiety and soul crushing feeling of yet another failed relationship/time wasted to reflect on). I'm certainly open to dating/relationships in the future as I'd like a partner to share a life with, but the desperation to meet someone to have a family is over, and I feel very happy with my decision.

Have you ever considered solo parenting?

ThePurplePalace · 11/07/2021 00:33

@heartbrokenagain89

ThePurplePalace Long term bachelors I guess. They all start off so keen, say and do all the right things. All seem very normal and nice for the first 6-9 months, then it goes downhill. I have my head screwed on, I know what lovebombing etc but they've all seemed so genuine in the beginning. None have been married, and none have married since.
Sounds like they have no idea what a proper relationship is. Worth keeping in mind when vetting next time. I always ask how long ago was your last relationship & long was it before dates.

Some of these guys just shouldn’t be dating. One was 2 weeks out of a 4 year relationship & still living with her!

But really, you do seem to be doing all the right things so hang in there. Lord knows I know it’s rough. I’m 37 and very recently met someone like no one else after years of bad relationships and dating. I still can’t quite believe it’s finally happened & only a day after I had totally given up and started looking into sperm donors.

ThePurplePalace · 11/07/2021 00:34

@anthurium

Hi Op, I'm sorry to hear you're going through another heartbreak. Yes, I've been through it - multiple failed relationships including a marriage. At the beginning of the year I decided that enough was enough so I chose to go down the sperm donor route, aged 39, and I'm now 17 weeks pregnant via IVF. No more panic dating looking for a partner to start a family with (and the dread, anxiety and soul crushing feeling of yet another failed relationship/time wasted to reflect on). I'm certainly open to dating/relationships in the future as I'd like a partner to share a life with, but the desperation to meet someone to have a family is over, and I feel very happy with my decision.

Have you ever considered solo parenting?

Hah snap!
Strawberrysaxifrage1 · 11/07/2021 06:47

I am in the exact same situation and so sick of it. Lone parenting isn't an option for me but I would really consider it if it is for you.

Just to give my 2 pence worth, I think because they have been single or not with one person a great length of time, a lot of the men I have dated have built themselves a self sufficient, fully functional, ring fenced, little world prioritising their own work, study, friendships, interests etc.

I'm not sure I'm correct here but have started trying to see things not as the men I've dated fucking me over and changing their minds because they are deceitful or fickle, or they've not liked me, but that they feel they genuinely want a relationship but find it extremely hard to align their little worlds with someone else's and make sacrifices. This can include compromising on logistical factors, seeing themselves as fathers etc.

I have been drawn to them in part because of their intelligence and accomplishment (it's not about money, they're not necessarily enormously successful in a financial sense) as well as seeming decent, interesting and kind, but they have become set in their ways.

Hopefully this view might make me more aware of signs when things start to go wrong earlier, rather than looking for classic red flags such as 'is he showing me enough interest etc.' because you say, those things aren't really the issue. Signs I've ignored previously include multiple prior relationships ending because they can't prioritise the women.

I think this approach will be good for my self esteem as it has taken a battering, thinking I'm not good enough for these nice, smart, normal men and they're just wanting to use me for short term company and sex.

I have just had yet another split too, about half a year with a man who was very keen and promising, and I clicked with straight away. Bit different from yours in that there was, to be fair, a big practical issue coming up but he had said initially he was happy to manage this. He later on realised he could not accept the changes involved (which he had been aware of), so we ended things. Like you and wanting kids, I had let him know immediately that I needed someone who in principle, if we got on well and wanted to progress together, which we both did, would be able to work around this issue. I think genuinely at the time he did but push came to shove, didn't want to sacrifice any of his own little world. As with you, he's definitely not the first to start out loving the idea of being with me only to run out of steam.

What I did ignore and hope for the best for some months is that he started backtracking a bit and saying 'well, it could work but...' quite a bit. I don't regret giving things a go as we got on great and it wasn't that long (he didn't string me along for years) but realistically I could have called it sooner. Sounds like with your ex, you started noticing the signs a year earlier but hoped for the best too.

Sorry for the long essay, just wanted you to know you are not alone in how you are feeling and I hope you meet the right guy soon. You're doing the right things in being up front with your wishes and in seeking therapy, I know it feels like 'what more can I do with therapy' but dating in your 30s can be so demoralising so even if it doesn't find you a solution, it is good for your self esteem Flowers

Sunflowergirl1 · 11/07/2021 07:20

There is no easy answer...I suspect part is the pressure they feel under in that once you are getting to that point they know you are expecting more..rather than them getting naturally to that stage.

However, I do think there are more men that are commitment phobes. Just talking to DH and some of his friends tell me that. The divorce laws and men being utterly stripped of assets just does not help as when a man in a friendship group publicises his divorce, and how badly they come off financially if the wife is a SAHM p, it becomes almost like legendary and the best contraceptive to thoughts of marriage if there were any.

I'm afraid you can work on the first but the second is out with your control

Sakurami · 11/07/2021 07:27

Are you sure you're not ending up with unavailable men? Have a read of mr unavailable and the fallback girl. It's really eye opening

Sakurami · 11/07/2021 07:28

I mean choosing unavailable men

StartingAgain33 · 11/07/2021 09:05

Have you considered freezing your eggs if you don't want to be a single mum? It's not a guarantee but I did it and got a decent amount of eggs and its very reassuring to know there's a younger part of me in a freezer somewhere that statistically gives me a very decent chance of a live birth when I was ready to try.

heartbrokenagain89 · 11/07/2021 09:14

Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences. Right now I can’t think about going it alone. Nor can I think about it even starting again and dating. I’m just so fed up and miserable. I hate being a downer as I usually see the positive in everything and am an optimist. I know it’s better to be alone than with the wrong man. I just don’t see anything changing. Not after so many disappointing years. Sigh.

OP posts:
Pinknoise · 11/07/2021 09:33

Maybe the dating pool in that age group is mostly commitment phobic men. There is a reason they have got to early 40s with no wife and kids. I would also consider younger men who might be more likely to want to settle down.

Raspberryswirls · 11/07/2021 09:40

I agree with pp about egg freezing , I wish I’d done it as struggled to conceive with older eggs and many mcs.
Do you give these men or have a timeframe In your head for moving in / marriage/kids ? I made mine quite short so I didn’t waste years. If it wasn’t moving along I’d breakup . I met a very successful eternal bachelor type and we lasted 6 months. It wasn’t going anywhere really. The next person I met we moved in, had a baby and married within 2 years! Very happy many years later, he’s fantastic. Like you I’ve felt the exhaustion of these wasted relationships but decided to get tough with the time I spent on them

StartingAgain33 · 11/07/2021 09:40

I also keep going for men that don't have much or a relationship history but otherwise seem very well adjusted. I think that might be the critical factor here (also there's something very rewarding about the idea that you were the one to finally turn them around)

StartingAgain33 · 11/07/2021 09:42

@raspberryswirls were you up front about your plans with this one? What was the difference between him and the others when dating that you could see it was worth staying? Did he have a good relationship history?

Raspberryswirls · 11/07/2021 10:26

Yes, I was. I think I got increasingly bored with wasting time. I think it was my fourth date when I said I wanted to have my first child in 18 months ( start trying for it) his timeline was 5 years! I said that’s fine but biologically I don’t have that time. It was a risk and of course some men ( even decent ones) might run a mile! After 6 months together , I raised the ttc plan again and we actually started trying. I was financially fine so, in my head, if it didn’t work out together, I was happy to be a single mum.
We got pregnant fast and moved in and married a year later.
It’s definitely a bit of a risk because you don’t know each other as long as some relationships but I went with my gut feeling and then observed him closely with friends, family etc and could see he was kind and decent and a family person. He’s not let me down so far !

Raspberryswirls · 11/07/2021 10:33

Sorry missed some of your questions - he had two longish term relationships but not many. His mates and family feedback was that he was a lovely guy and treated his girlfriends really well.
One thing he did tell me early was he felt he was running out of time to settle down ( many of his mates were married etc) so I think he felt a similar pressure to me. I remember a sex and the city episode when one of them said guys are like taxis , suddenly a light goes on and they’re ready for marriage and family. He was in that place. We talked a lot about what we wanted and timescales. I never felt anxious about scaring him off. That was the difference from other guys, I either felt like I couldn’t see myself long term with them or was more nervous to push my timescales.

heartbrokenagain89 · 11/07/2021 10:49

Aw lovely story thanks for sharing Raspberryswirls how old were you when you met him?

OP posts:
Raspberryswirls · 11/07/2021 11:52

Nearly 37! Few months off. I had already had a fertility check up, was about to start sperm donation and do the single mum route but thought I’d try one more go at OLD. Met him straight after 6 month relationship ended. Few of my friends were similar, had basically given up and then met someone on the same page as them. Don’t give up !

ThePurplePalace · 11/07/2021 12:13

@Raspberryswirls

Nearly 37! Few months off. I had already had a fertility check up, was about to start sperm donation and do the single mum route but thought I’d try one more go at OLD. Met him straight after 6 month relationship ended. Few of my friends were similar, had basically given up and then met someone on the same page as them. Don’t give up !
Exactly the same with me! Having the solo motherhood route in my mind really took the heaviness out of dating too so perhaps these guys get a much calmer and truer version of us? Prior to this I felt a constant panic & rush to get on with it meaning I got into relationships with the wrong men. We’re so lucky to have options.
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