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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Heartbroken (again)

27 replies

heartbrokenagain89 · 10/07/2021 23:00

Another relationship has failed. How cliched, I really thought he could be 'the one'. I used to be a commitment phobe but worked on myself with a therapist. I was in a really good place to meet someone. And I did meet someone. On the second date, I mentioned I was looking for a partner and for someone to build a life with - including a family. I was mid 30s, and he was early 40s. He said he was on the same stage in his life. Few months later, he said he was in love. I said the same. Everything was fine - we were really connecting. A year in, things started to change. I started to sense he was actually quite avoidant and pulling away. Another year on, he says he doesn't know what love is, and isn't sure about us. He doesn't know what love is etc. He's not sure he actually wants kids etc. I've ended it because I cannot be dealing with this at my age and this far into the relationship. I always made it clear that I was after a serious relationship - he always said the right things. Typical.

I am utterly sick of meeting these commitment phobic type men, who started out so keen, then completely pull away. None of my ex boyfriends have partnered up long term - all in their late 30s to early 40s. So I can't say it was me - it's not like any of them have moved in with a woman or ended up married. But I do keep dating these type of men. And I'm so fed up. I don't know how many more times I can see my therapist. How many more times I can work on myself. How many more times I can be honest with a guy I'm dating as to what I am looking for. How many more times I can be patient.

These men I date aren't even bad boy types. All are professional type, nice men, who seem to have everything going for them. Good jobs, friends, solid family background etc. It's why I date them.

I can't face another failed relationship or dating, but I need to get on the horse again so to speak, and quite quickly, as my biological clock is ticking. It's just so painful, I am still here, breaking up, and starting all over again.

Has anyone else been through the same thing? Any advice?

OP posts:
Raspberryswirls · 11/07/2021 15:49

@ThePurplePalace I agree, I was more assertive about what I wanted and knew if he wasn’t interested I had my plan B. I’d rather have been a single mum via a sperm donor then not been a mum. My friend has two kids by a sperm donor and still maintains a great career!

IsabelHerna · 12/07/2021 15:55

Hi OP, I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I do understand your feelings. It's not just the heartbreak itself, there is an additional one, the one that you can't start a family yet.
I've spent many years, looking or waiting for a man to be ready (one of the biggest mistakes), and now I am going through the journey towards parenthood alone. Fingers crossed, things will progress quickly, as I'm 39yo.
Good luck to you, try to focus on what's important to you. Figure it out and then put your efforts on it.

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