If you suspect someone doesn't like you, do you avoid them?

[Hedspin]

Just as the title says, if you get a feeling someone doesn't like you, or has it in for you, then do you make sure you stay away from them?

I have a small number of people in my life who I feel dislike me, are jealous of me (no reason to be I don't think), some maybe even hate me. I've come to this conclusion based on their attitude, and sometimes actions towards me.

So my question is, do any of you have this in your life, and if so, how do you continue to live your life around this? Do you just avoid these people?

I accept that it may be something about me that people don't like, and I'm trying to understand what that could be in case there's things I can change about myself.

But in the meantime, I'm interested to hear other people's experiences and how you get through daily life in the midst of this happening...

I don't suspect any relative or close friend have any such issues with me.
if I did I'd ask them

anyone else don't matter.
I don't care what people who are not significantly in my life think of me.
I know of people who are unfriendly to me and no idea why they don't like me but I just don't have the time to worry about that.
I don't actively avoid them. I just don't care.

and to react to your 2nd post - I wouldn't change a thing in order to be accepted.

my vibe attracts my tribe.
I always find the smart, sweary, quirky weirdos who are also happy to have found me in most groups. we just recognise each other somehow.
it's a great self-selective system 🤣

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

I don't suspect any relative or close friend have any such issues with me. if I did I'd ask them

anyone else don't matter.
I don't care what people who are not significantly in my life think of me.
I know of people who are unfriendly to me and no idea why they don't like me but I just don't have the time to worry about that.
I don't actively avoid them. I just don't care.

Thank you for your reply.

Thing is, in my case I suspect one or two relatives dislike me.
And at least one friend I've grown up with is jealous of me (no significant reason to be I don't feel).
And at least one neighbour dislikes me which I believe stems from a noise complaint I made to them.

So these aren't distant people if you see what I mean.

My stepdad hates me, well not just me, my whole family but then acts nice as pie to our faces. I avoid him, keep him at more than arm's length and probably only have to see him about twice a year for special occasions.
Other than that he can fuck the fuck off.

@Notapheasantplucker

My stepdad hates me, well not just me, my whole family but then acts nice as pie to our faces. I avoid him, keep him at more than arm's length and probably only have to see him about twice a year for special occasions. Other than that he can fuck the fuck off.

Thank you for your reply.

Any idea why your Stepdad hates you and the family?

the neighbour is easy, just don't engage or if you do keep up appearances (smile, how are you, have a lovely day).
I barely see our neighbours and our kids go to the same school!

the friend & relative - if you think it's worth a fight that could make or break the relationship then confront them in a non-agressive way.

maybe there's something to do.
maybe there was a misunderstanding years ago that irked them and it needs resolving.
maybe you are wrong and there's nothing there.
maybe there's something and it's not worth trying fix it.
who knows? if you don't talk you'll never know!

and of course if it's not worth bothering then yes, keep contact to the minimum. if they don't like you they are unlikely to seek you out anyway.

does that help? I can't think of much else.
But apart from apologising if you did something wrong, inadvertently, there's no need for you to change who you are.
some people just won't like you, just because and they don't have to.
As long as they are not deliberately sabotaging you in any way it's ok

Thank you Zing, definitely helps. Some food for thought there.

Depends on the relationship?
Friend of a friend- yes, no reason to contact them unless we're both at the same event because of mutual friend- in which case, we'd not have to speak to each other.
Work colleague- I'd still have to speak to them, I would expect a professional relationship.
Family- I'd try to work it out.

Neighbour- keep at a distance, but be friendly if needed
Friend- life is too short, they are not a friend if they dislike you
Family- I would try to be friendly/talk to them, but if they're not close family, is it worth it?

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba’s posts are 💯. I couldn’t say it any better!

@Smokeahontas
wow! thanks!

my aunt was invited to my wedding but didn't attend and never said why. I couldn't get any answers out of my mum but I had no opportunity to see my aunt for about 2 years after.
she just ignored me.

then we met at my mums and all hell broke lose because I just had to ask what her problem was.
it turned out she was furious with me for not inviting her boyfriend because that clearly meant I dismissed their relationship.
ummm, yeah, I had no idea she had a boyfriend. she never said. mum never said. nobody told me🤷‍♀️
if only she had just called me after receiving the invite and inform me about her relationship and ask if he could come too I would've said yes! 🤷‍♀️

so I'm a firm believer that if it matters then honest communication should be the first step in conflict resolution.

thank you for coming to my TED talk🤣

Might be making this over simple, but I cut anyone out who wasn't bringing positivity to my life.
People change, situations change.
Same as, if I felt anger or jealousy towards someone, I cut it out.
Harsh it may seem, but my own mental health comes first.
May not be forever, but I've done the best for me. Brutal as it May seem.

Some "friends" who I have known for a long time, who may not have my best interests at heart, I had to choose to be realistic and accept if I had then in my life they may be unreliable, judgemental, back stabbing- but ive come to terms with who they are and thier issues.
I dont expect anything of these people, but know thier flaws and accept it, I'm rarely disappointed by them, because i expect that behaviour from them, and humans are flawed. It depends on the individual relationship.

Expect nothing, and rarely be disappointed.

I don't care if people I come into contact with like me or not.

I also wouldn't stop going to places or activities a person who has taken a dislike to me may be at, I'd just not acknowledge them.

If they "had it in for me" and started to do things to try and cause me problems, I'd wipe the floor with them, giving them a much bigger problem.

Life is too short to tolerate crap.

My SIL made it clear the first time we met she didn't like me and has said enough over the years to make it clear to everyone else too. No one is sure why, but some of it appears to be jealousy based on assumptions regarding my family background. None of which are accurate
Apart from the odd family event where we speak only enough to be polite we don't interact at all.

It makes me sad as I wanted a friendship with Dh's family and I'm a generally likeable person. I find close friendships hard to build as I can be a little reserved when it comes to opening up but I generally muddle along with people politely quite well so it was a real shock when she made it so blatantly clear on our first meeting.
It has totally trashed DH's relationship with her too as he can't forgive her. It's all so confusing.

But yes, in answer to your question I stay out of her way and she's stats out if mine. No reason to extend the discomfort if it's not necessary.

If people don't like me, meh, I don't give a shit, I know who my friends are. At work I expect people to be professional and be civil but I don't sit near them or chat. Life is too short to be worrying about what people think, you can't like everyone nor will everyone like you.

I’ve had this at work and it eventually amounted to bullying. I tried to understand / engage with it constructively for over a year before I decided to move onto a new job. I feel so relieved now that I don’t have to deal with the projected bullshit of a couple of idiots that I don't even respect.

I've found in life, if you're an attractive woman, some other women will not like you. I will avoid where I can.

I used to work in a place where I could tell someone didn't like me , another female

It was not very subtle .. make a round of coffee but leave me out , never ask my opinion or advice despite me being senior , no personal chat at all and left out of social invites , I had never done anything but I get we are not all the same and some people grate on me too
I tried really hard to be pleasant polite pretend I didn't notice the sustain until one day I thought why the hell am I doing this

I have ignored her 100% ever since , not even a good morning , she does not exist in my eyes and I feel soooo much better
I can tell she is confused and now although we don't see each other as much she does make the effort occasionally to engage in conversation .. I shut it down
I'm done with people treating me less than I treat them

Distain

Thank you all for your replies. Might sound odd but I'm drawing strength from these, and feeling better that I'm not alone.

I can identify with this too, and take it to be a form of passive aggression.

When it has happened it has almost been with other women. It gets to me far more when it is with other women too. Very occasionally it has been with a man, but men have tended to be somewhat more aggressive in their hostility, which has troubled me less (rightly or wrongly). It's the balance of passivity and aggression with the women that can make it so hard to deal with.

I accept that it may be something about me that people don't like, and I'm trying to understand what that could be in case there's things I can change about myself

Do you understand that this mindset is very unhealthy for you, because the goal is for you to make other people happy, rather than for you to make you happy?

I don't spend time with someone if I don't like them.

@cookiecreampie

I've found in life, if you're an attractive woman, some other women will not like you. I will avoid where I can.

I've found in life that it doesn't matter whether somebody is attractive or not.

Some people you like and some you don't. Whether it's because of their behaviour, the way they speak to/at you, how they treat other people or animals/the environment, their politics, their body language or a fuck ton of personal baggage that means they're triggering a learned response from your previous experiences, there are always people who would rather not spend any more time than they absolutely have to in your presence.

I am sure there are people around who can't stand me. As long as I know I haven't been deliberately and maliciously unkind to them (which I haven't), I'm pretty bloody sure it's got fuck all to do with me being attractive, as I've been told repeatedly since childhood that I'm not only ever by girls and women that I would describe as being pretty/good looking, strangely , it's unlikely to be down to anything in me that could be changed if they only insulted me a bit better or I accepted I was just a horrible human being.

I avoid people who I don't like for good reason and I avoid people who can't help but grate on me, even if I'm fairly sure there's no reason on paper why I should dislike being around them. Where I have to be around them, I am pleasant, but that's it; I'm not going to suddenly start liking them.

Except for my MIL. She's absolutely lovely. But she does my head in - which is fine with her son, as he understands how different we are and the things I find so difficult are exactly the things that he does. I want to like her, I really do, as she's a lovely, kind woman and completely unlike my own mother (who I can't stand because she's a vicious, abusive, spiteful and vindictive piece of work) - but Christ Almighty, it's hard work. So I am on my best behaviour with her, as it really isn't her fault that more than a short time in her presence makes me want to run off and scream into the void.

I think people I work with dislike me. One particular has changed towards me. I think she also slags me off, because the new lady I thought liked me has changed towards me all of a sudden, and become cold. I really hate women like that who bitch about others to cause an atmosphere. I don't even know, what I've meant to have done as I'm always nice to everyone. Perhaps I should start being a bitch instead.