Was going to name change for this but then couldn't be arsed....Apologies for length of post.
Have had two difficult incidents with a friend over the past year. First one was when she had a go at me in front of my DH and her DH for not being sufficiently 'respectful' towards my DH. As background, although she now works she hasn't done so for most of her marriage to a lovely but chauvinistic DH. She has DC who have in the past aped her DH and treated her very rudely. Whilst DH and I are by no means a perfect married couple we are a very good partnership. He doesn't treat housework or childcare as doing me a favour whereas in her marriage this has all fallen to her. Apparently I don't give him enough credit in public for this.
Second incident was at a friend's house. She again launched into me but this time saying that she didn't trust me as I only say supportive things to her. Lots of other stuff too about her problems with me - none of which she'd ever mentioned when sober. After this repeat performance I realised that a pattern was emerging despite a decade of very close friendship up to that point. We met to try and clear the air but the conversation didn't go well as she told me that I was clearly depressed and needed counselling. I had expected some sort of apology but none was forthcoming. I said I needed to take a big step back from the friendship. She then suggested we 'divide up' our mutual friends and never see each other again.
To clarify, I've never suffered from depression and am generally speaking a very contented person. She on the other hand does suffer from depression and generally fragile mental health. She's frequently commented that she finds it odd that I don't get depressed.
She sent me a very long email justifying herself but then saying she'd rather have me in her life than not. I replied saying that I wasn't family and she should feel no obligation to continue with the friendship. I suspect this wasn't what she wanted to hear.
Since then I relented somewhat and have made efforts to build bridges. These have seemingly been gratefully received however there has been another incident this week whereby she has let my DH down rather badly. I'm now thinking was I foolish to try and repair things and that it might be better to 'break up'. RL friends told me to ask MN for advice so here I am! Any thoughts gratefully received.