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Original poster

Partner dreaming of ex-boyfriends often

45 replies

Stewart2017 · 07/07/2021 13:15

Struggling getting to sleep as girlfriend of 6 months often dreams about other men while talking in her sleep.

About a dozen different names been talked about and often the sleep talking is a mumble so not always sexual dreams.

When i ask jokingly next day who is "Peter" or whoever then its always an ex boy friend from last year, or someone she works with. She seems honest enough and just says she has always talked in her sleep.

I am trying not to read too much into her dreams but last couple of weeks it is on my mind every single night now i try sleep.
She stays over half the week usually and today i am feeling i want ask her to stay maybe just 1 night as I'd rather not hear her dreams out loud.

Am i being over sensitive?
She can't control her self consciousness while asleep, so do i just brush this issue aside?
We get on well and had just 3 fall outs in 6 months so i dont want give up on relationship yet.

OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 07/07/2021 13:18

Erm. Ok. Look. You need to relax. Nobody is responsible for what they dream and it's daft to try to give it meaning.
Wear earplugs.

ComtesseDeSpair · 07/07/2021 14:31

I’m sure you dream sometimes, right? And so I’m sure you’re aware that dreams are mostly nonsense scenarios where you find yourself riding a sleeper train to Penzance with your former boss and your dad, or stealing a funfair with your friend’s flatmate?

Things and people enter our dreams because they’re somewhere there in our subconscious from some time. It doesn’t mean we’re actively thinking about them, much less that we’re thinking sexy thoughts about them. Ditch all the dream-interpreting woo from your mind.

chickenyhead · 07/07/2021 14:33

She's asleep.

Aliceinunderland · 07/07/2021 14:54

I think this would make me feel uncomfortable too but she's asleep and can't help it. Perhaps ear plugs could work? Would be a shame to end an otherwise good relationship over something she can't control but equally your feelings are valid and it may not be something you can accept long term.

Geanna2 · 07/07/2021 14:59

Odd. When men start calling out other women's names while asleep the response is usually LTB.

OutrageousFlavourLikeFreesias · 07/07/2021 15:02

As a lifelong sleep-talker I can assure you that the shit we say in our sleep is absolutely meaningless. Most of the time it's not even connected to what we're dreaming about. Sometimes I do it when I'm half awake and I think I'm talking quite sensibly, but the words I actually say have no connection to the words I think I'm saying. So for example, "the keys are in the door" might come out as "I can see some flowers" or "don't talk to me" or "I think it's raining".

Seriously, I can't begin to tell you how much this is not worth worrying about. She's asleep. It's gibberish. Let it go.

Wherearemymarbles · 07/07/2021 15:05

She cant help it but I get why you are uncomfortable.
It might not mean she is sexually attracted to the men she dreams about but equally she might be

chickenyhead · 07/07/2021 15:36

@Geanna2

Odd. When men start calling out other women's names while asleep the response is usually LTB.
I have never seen that ever. Someone asleep is asleep.
AryaStarkWolf · 07/07/2021 15:42

@Geanna2

Odd. When men start calling out other women's names while asleep the response is usually LTB.
has a thread like that really existed or have you just made that up?
VettiyaIruken · 07/07/2021 15:44

@Geanna2

Odd. When men start calling out other women's names while asleep the response is usually LTB.
Really? I'd love to see one of those threads. Perhaps you'd like to link to them
Original poster
Stewart2017 · 07/07/2021 15:45

I'm glad i asked here, and i appreciate feedback.

Those dismissing me maybe skimmed over me suggesting I might be over sensitive?
I also acknowledged that she can't control her self consciousness while asleep.

So, i brought up issue this afternoon with her calmly, and she admits to secretly being in contact with a few ex's from last year in recent months.

I said from our date two it fine to chat to other male friends, ofcourse. We agreed as long as chat was wholesome and not straying to sexting or anything we'd be uncomfortable the other seeing, then not an issue. She not want show me any chats and I certainly not going to force issue as i kinda don't want to know.

Says now been deleted and all ex's blocked from today.

I want to believe her.

My gut feels hollow.

I dont want finish over this issue. (well, its an issue for me i need get out my head when i try nod off each night. Somehow)

OP posts:
EBearhug · 07/07/2021 15:48

I've dreamed about various colleagues and other people over the years. They're just dreams. They don't always feature very positively, either. I was arguing with a colleague about maps in a dream the other night.

chickenyhead · 07/07/2021 15:51

@Stewart2017

I'm glad i asked here, and i appreciate feedback. Those dismissing me maybe skimmed over me suggesting I might be over sensitive? I also acknowledged that she can't control her self consciousness while asleep.

So, i brought up issue this afternoon with her calmly, and she admits to secretly being in contact with a few ex's from last year in recent months.

I said from our date two it fine to chat to other male friends, ofcourse. We agreed as long as chat was wholesome and not straying to sexting or anything we'd be uncomfortable the other seeing, then not an issue. She not want show me any chats and I certainly not going to force issue as i kinda don't want to know.

Says now been deleted and all ex's blocked from today.

I want to believe her.

My gut feels hollow.

I dont want finish over this issue. (well, its an issue for me i need get out my head when i try nod off each night. Somehow)

Well THAT is entirely different behaviour.

Secretly messaging ex partners?

Nah, you are better than that.

mildlymiffed · 07/07/2021 15:55

I had a dream last night where I was having a romantic liaison with Michael Gove.

And believe you me, he's really not my type Grin!!!

Dreams are dreams... not real life at all (god I hope not, if it was a premonition then my life is going in a very peculiar direction!!! 😂)

username18702 · 07/07/2021 15:56

It's all a bit weird isn't it.

Mumbling names in her sleep, no problem.
Secretly texting ex's, refusing to show messages, saying she's deleted them now. wtf?

Texting ex's is fine as they are ex's. Why do it in secret? Why pretend to delete and block? (Doubt she has).

It's only been six months OP. I wouldn't invest anymore time in this weirdo.

mildlymiffed · 07/07/2021 15:57

Just read your update. Texting ex's is a different kettle of fish...

And not right.

She sounds like she needs validation from other men folk, for that reason, I'd leave her... as I'd never be sure that she wasn't looking for a confidence booster from other blokes when you'd had an argument or something.

Cookiebox · 07/07/2021 16:05

I dreamt of my ex for months into my relationship with my now husband. There was a lot of baggage and he'd emotionally destroyed me. I would dream that my now husband was my ex and he was cheating....Al really weird but you can't help it when you're asleep. You don't have control.

2 things....firstly I told my husband what I was dreaming and he was so supportive and secondly I was never texting or in contact with my ex.

Always listen to your gut.

Beetlewing · 07/07/2021 16:08

I once dreamed I pegged Prince Charles

username18702 · 07/07/2021 16:12

@Beetlewing

I once dreamed I pegged Prince Charles
JFC Gin
Allinprogress · 07/07/2021 16:15

Life’s too short for that OP. Move on

Original poster
Stewart2017 · 07/07/2021 16:56

@mildlymiffed

Just read your update. Texting ex's is a different kettle of fish...

And not right.

She sounds like she needs validation from other men folk, for that reason, I'd leave her... as I'd never be sure that she wasn't looking for a confidence booster from other blokes when you'd had an argument or something.

Psychic @mildlymiffed and that is exactly what happened 2 months ago i'm now being told 🙈
OP posts:
Geanna2 · 07/07/2021 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

66babe · 07/07/2021 17:27

I think it's true that none of us can control our true insleep self
However .. the rest of it
Nah , I'd say move on
Life is too short to be wondering
You deserve better

Crikeyalmighty · 07/07/2021 17:31

my ex H often features in dreams and we’ve been divorced 30 years and I’ve been remarried 25!! It is what it is — some people rarely dream and some a lot

Aquamarine1029 · 07/07/2021 17:32

Based on your update you need to run for the hills. Don't be foolish by wasting more time on a dishonest person.