Partner dreaming of ex-boyfriends often

[Stewart2017]

Struggling getting to sleep as girlfriend of 6 months often dreams about other men while talking in her sleep.

About a dozen different names been talked about and often the sleep talking is a mumble so not always sexual dreams.

When i ask jokingly next day who is "Peter" or whoever then its always an ex boy friend from last year, or someone she works with. She seems honest enough and just says she has always talked in her sleep.

I am trying not to read too much into her dreams but last couple of weeks it is on my mind every single night now i try sleep.
She stays over half the week usually and today i am feeling i want ask her to stay maybe just 1 night as I'd rather not hear her dreams out loud.

Am i being over sensitive?
She can't control her self consciousness while asleep, so do i just brush this issue aside?
We get on well and had just 3 fall outs in 6 months so i dont want give up on relationship yet.

I dream that I cheat on my husband with himself. Like there's two of him or something. It must mean something because I have it all the time. It doesn't mean I want to cheat on him though. Dreams don't make sense a lot of the time. I believe they can be symbolic of things going on in your daily life, but that doesn't mean that every part of the dream is relevant.

I dream about my ExH sometimes. Well rather a nightmare where I'm stuck with him in some sort of groundhog Day. Horrible. I'd rather never ever see his face again, in real life or imagination.

However... I don't think this is what's going on in your case. She's clearly not trustworthy and you're no where near commited enough to put up with this kind of nonsense. Run for the hills. Don't waste any more time on this, it'll end in tears.

Sorry to read your updates @Stewart2017 . Bin and block her, she can't be trusted.

@Beetlewing Lol! Was it steamy?

What a strange jump from 'I keep hearing you say yoyr ex's name in your sleep' to her admitting 'I have bern secretkyvtexting them'. Did she say 'secretly' or have you used that word? Did she say why she was messaging them? This seems to have gone from 0 to 60 in one conversation?!

(Apologies for the typos, very tired!)

Story did jump a bit, as i then discussed with her after original post.
Truthfully i hoped everyone would say i was being silly about her dreaming, and i should just brush it aside. Problem is more i ask then the more i being told about the many ex's last year. I kinda dont want anymore detail from her.

The 'secretly' word i added, but messaging only mentioned now as i been gently asking with a smile "so who is X" or whatever name is on lateat dreams. It's over a handful of diff names i've heard.

With one, says chat was about a shared sport - fair enough - but when she flashed screen towards me and quickly scrolled there was chat on BJ's. She flippantly says that was an in-joke as none of his previous partners had ever done BJ's.

If thats the one chat she casually showed me, my mind boggles what other topics may be with other ex's. No evidence to say anything untoward though, so its all in my head just now as all messages deleted and claims they all blocked.

But its stopping me getting to sleep every single night for over 2 weeks now.

Its haunting me. I think i may be paranoid, and she is adament she over these ex's. I think i believe her as seems really committed to me.

But i feel i can trust her 99% but not 100% now.
Is that fair?

I want stay with her and give this relationship a go.

I dream about my ex who I was with for 9 months 20 years ago, sometimes sexual dreams. It has literally nothing to do with any feeling for him, which were never very strong, it was just a kind of 'training wheels' first relationship for me.

Keeping in touch with people in secret, tho...

@Stewart2017 ultimately this boils down to whether you trust her or not.

Without trust a relationship is nothing.

If you're happy with her responses and they provide you with the comfort that you need to proceed in this relationship- then do that.

If you feel insecure, and think you'll continue to do this, then this is testimony in itself that the relationship is destined to fail.

You don't need to make instant decisions in relationships! You can always give it a bit longer and see how you feel.

But trust your gut... how we inwardly feel or perceive situations is a useful barometer.

Dreams are weird, we can’t control who pops into them but they are generally linked to someone we have had recent contact with or have thought about a lot recently. For example, when my Dad first cut contact with me he featured quite heavily in my dreams but that was obviously because he was playing on my mind a lot in waking life. When we have ‘random’ dreams about famous people it’s never actually random, you probably read an article about them recently or heard about them on the radio even if you didn’t realise you were listening properly. It’s rare for a random person from years ago who you haven’t thought of to just suddenly appear in a dream.

The fact she’s admitted to messaging them recently explains a lot. I don’t think I could trust her personally, there’s never any reason to message even one ex when you’re in a relationship (unless children are involved obviously) let alone multiple ones… It’s good she has been honest and also good she’s said she will block them but it’s up to you to decide whether this is enough. I’d be gutted if DH decided to start messaging ex’s then started dreaming about them personally.

Could she be doing this to make you jealous / insecure?

Does she talking about anything else in her sleep? If it's just other men, then either she is doing it consciously or in her sleep she only thinks of other men.

If she talks about loads of other stuff too, then it sounds like it could be genuine sleep talk.

But the combination of sleep talk about men and then telling you she's in touch with several ex's, and volunteering to show you inappropriate messages makes me think she is doing this on purpose to mess with your head.

You can't help what you dream, Stewart. I once dreamed of an...encounter...with a man at work; we were in a telephone box too. I certainly didn't fancy him in real life.

Another quite funny one was about somebody I did not know but had watched on TV.

Occasionally an ex popped up.

She is with you, not her exes. Relax.

'Just 3 fall outs in 6 months?' Just? Fuck that for a lark. You've only been together 6 months too!

Dreams... my god I have some very disturbing dreams that really stress me out so I defo can't control them. Everything from your update shouts red flags though op. Why would you be talking to an ex about blow jobs?! This is crossing boundaries

Thanks for feedback
We gonna chat it thru this weekend 🤞🏼

But she did it in the first place.
It's all well and good blocking them now but she's only done it because you asked her too.
It's not right to text exs and she knows that otherwise she'd have shown you the texts and not deleted them.

Really shouldnt. I woke myself up yesterday by shouting. "get out of my pub' then laughing to myself yesterday. Thats when you need to start worryng.

Eugh. Reading update get them to fuck and get your self checked. Balls to discussions

@layladomino

Could she be doing this to make you jealous / insecure?

Does she talking about anything else in her sleep? If it's just other men, then either she is doing it consciously or in her sleep she only thinks of other men.

If she talks about loads of other stuff too, then it sounds like it could be genuine sleep talk.

But the combination of sleep talk about men and then telling you she's in touch with several ex's, and volunteering to show you inappropriate messages makes me think she is doing this on purpose to mess with your head.

I was wondering this too, honestly.

Can't say for sure of course (and you probably can't either OP) but is she an insecure type of person generally? I wonder if she is wanting to make you jealous of all these other men so you will try harder and be more committed, in a weird roundabout way.

If you suspect this might be happening, the best thing to do is put some earplugs in and completely ignore it.

She's probably reaching out for some feelings of security from you and just doing it in a very immature kind of way.

However if she is actually texting/ contacting these men (I wasn't fully clear from your post if this is the case) then you do need to confront her about that if you're not comfortable with it.

Your partner shouldn't be giving you sleepless nights. Sounds like she's hiding more than that and you don't want to know. I'd split up.

Contacts on phone appear to have deleted the few names mentioned.
Could be saved under a false name, but no evidence chats with ex's going on now, so i plan to ride this out for a few weeks but be cautious about any slipping back to previous form

Replies were helpful, thanks