Heartbroken

[Summerdaysx]

I have another thread on here but thought I would start a new one for some more advice as all the advice I have been getting on here is helping me through this.

Dp and I have split (after 8 years). We have a dd. We had an argument over money, I told him to go & he went. I am devestated, he has destroyed me. I can't eat, can't sleep, keep being sick, I feel numb & so so so heartbroken.

I cannot see how I am going to get through life without him, he is my best friend.

We split briefly 3/4 years ago and he treated me the same, was messaging other girls etc, and 1 in particular. I found out today he is back in contact with this girl... AGAIN!

But I keep texting him begging for him to come back, it's like I'm out of control. I know I am making a fool of myself & I know I am making it worse but I just feel so much pain right now .

My friends and family have been amazing!! But they are not him...

I am still holding onto hope that he will come back & we can talk this through and work it out

...

Read your post as if it was someone else who had posted, what would you say to them? It sounds like you're better off without him and if he was willing to go as quick as that, he's probably been wanting to for a while. Don't let yourself be treated like that. Look after yourself, for you and your DD

@CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood thank you. I know if it was anyone else I would tell them not to look back!! Just can't seem to take my own advice as love him so much

What is there to talk out? Sounds like he's cheating on you.

Why did you tell him to go? Not to pile on, but it’s quite manipulative when people throw around ‘let’s break up’ in an argument just to get a reaction when they don’t mean it.

With all due respect why in gods name do u want this cockwomble back

Do your friends and family like him?

He is such a fuckwit. Why on earth would you want him back? To end up right where you are again in the near future? Because that's exactly what will happen. Be glad you're rid of him.

What do you love about him?

In a normal loving, secure relationship people don’t just pack up and leave. This is not an attack on you at all OP but it sounds like you’re both unhappy, especially if he’s lying to you about money and texting other women.

As hard as it is, let him go. You say you love him but you obviously can’t trust him and a strong relationship can’t thrive without trust. Stop texting him and take a step back to give yourself some space. You’ll realise in time that you can do so much better.

Urgh you've got it bad girl. The deal breaker for me would be texting other women. I know it's hard to let him go because you love him but it doesn't sound like he loves you in the same way and he is only going to break your heart if you let him. If it wasn't for those other women then I would say it might be worth a chance but no. He will hurt you more.

Thank you all so much. My heart is completely broken. I do love him and at the minute would do anything to have him back. Every inch of my body hurts with the pain from this and I don't ever see how this will get better.

I'm concerned for your daughter.

How old is she and where is she tonight?

Can you take a moment and breathe. Few deep breaths in and a few more out. Try to do this a few times until you feel yourself relaxing a little bit. I sense the heartbreak and desperation from you right now.
Break ups are hard. We have all been there my love; we all know the raw physical pain you are feeling right now. What you need to remember is this. The world WILL NOT end. You may think that you will feel this way forever but I can promise you won't. Please stop texting him and begging him, all you are going to do is push him further away. From experience it can come across as desperate and needy and if he's already walked away from you, that will not make him come back to you. If anything he's going to be reminded of all the reasons why he left in the first place.
The first thing you need to do is stop speaking to him altogether, unless it is in regards to your daughter. Keep your communication short and to the point. Show him that you respect yourself and you won't beg for him. Find things to do to keep yourself distracted and hopeful. He will soon start to wonder why you are no longer on his case and will get curious. It's a bit of reverse psychology.
Whatever you do, don't try and make him jealous, don't guilt trip him or manipulate him. If he is already messaging other women and possibly sleeping with them then he's having his cake and eating it too, knowing he can come home at any time.
Please make yourself unavailable to him. He sounds like he has no respect for you anyway to do that to you. Think about it this way... would you want your daughter to be sitting begging a man to come home to her knowing that she could do better? If this was you speaking to your future grown up daughter what would you say to her?

OP you say it was over money but it's not is it ?

You need to give yourself a shake down and move on from this cheat

@BustyDusty why are you concerned for my daughter? She is with me and I am holding it together infront of her!! She is my main priority but I simply cannot help how I feel!

I've just skimmed through your other thread. I'm really sorry to say this but you need to pull yourself together for your daughter.
May I ask how old you are? You cannot starve yourself, continue to be throwing your guts up, not sleeping and not looking after yourself. You have a child to look after and she will be witnessing all of this and the upset.
The relationship sounds very immature from an outsiders point of view it really does. You sound like you are obsessing over him and you need to pull yourself together and get some self respect. If I was your partner I would find it very off putting that you are behaving in this way. You need to find yourself again, ground yourself and actually take a step back and look at what this toxic relationship will be doing to your child. SHE is the most important thing in the world to you not him and it seems she's been given the backseat while you obsess over your ex.
I'm so sorry to be harsh but you've had some really decent replies on the other thread and you clearly haven't taken any of the advice. I stand by both of my posts but please give your head a shake and act like a mature and respectable woman if not for your own sake for your daughters. X

@Anordinarymum the original argument was over money. We didn't have enough money for his night out & he told me he was going wether I liked it or not.

@MamaJustKilledAMan thank you for your kind words, you don't realise how much this has helped me right now. I would never allow anyone to treat my daughter in this way, ever! I have lost a lot of my confidence etc hence why I am letting him use me as a doormat.

@MamaJustKilledAMan I am 30. I know I am acting like a teenage girl. My head is all over the place and this is what I can't understand. Why am I begging him? Why do I think so little of myself? My daughter has 100% not been given the backseat, I do not break down infront of her, I am still a fully functioning mother and I will never be anything otherwise. I mean I am crying in the bathroom or when she is in bed. Yes I am being sick but I am trying to eat, I just can't keep anything down x

I hate to think of you feeling this way but a few tough words are what are needed here. I hope you manage to pull yourself out of this dark place I've been there I've been as desperate as you and it didn't end well. Please think think of your baby. I know it's hard I really do and I wish I could offer more help. I feel it may be really beneficial for you to speak with your GP. It's not shameful to approach them with the way you feel. Please find your strength. He sounds like a joke and you deserve to be treat better than this lovely. Is this your first real heartbreak or have you gotten through it before? If so you know that the only healer is time. You physically grieve from a a break up. Try to keep yourself hydrated. Make sure you are getting some food inside you. It sounds like the last thing you want to do but from my own experience (anorexia) if you aren't putting in the fuel then your brain will not function at full capacity.
You will be a lot more emotional and hysterical than you would be if your body was fuelled and functioning properly. Please try and get yourself a cup of tea RIGHT NOW, a couple of slices of toast. Sit and read through all of the replies on your previous thread and really take them in. Spend some time just thinking about your future without him, how it looks. How you will get by. How you will make the best life for you and your daughter. Don't focus on him focus on you and your baby and think about all the wonderful things you can bring to her life. It does feel shit I totally get that but you have to be her role model and her strength right now. Her daddy has left and she's got you and you alone right now. So please make it a time that she will remember for the best reasons. I feel for you I really do.
When my ex left it took the life from me. I never thought I would survive without him but here I am. Living my life and thriving. I thought about all of the good things I could do without him and it helped. Also if you have Instagram please go and follow Matthew Hussey. He will make you think of things in a way you never have before.
Please go eat ❤️

@MamaJustKilledAMan thank you again, I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. No it isn't my first relationship breakdown but the first proper one where we have shared a child and house etc. I think I am taking it harder this time as our dd is involved, not involved as such but because her daddy was here & now he's not, she's asking where he is, when's he coming back etc. I suppose I don't want her being in a broken family like I was as my parents split when I was young too. I promise I will try to eat in the morning. Don't want to eat so late as I tried last night and was up most of the night being sick and with some diahreer. I am totally embarrassed at how ill I am over this. He done the exact same 3/4 years ago but it didn't seem to hurt as much last time & he came back. I need to realise my worth, mine and my daughters. You are so right, I feel like I won't survive this heartache but I know I will, I just need to find the strength x

Nobody on earth is worth debasing yourself like that.

If you have to beg and grovel and forfeit all dignity, what is the point??

@PerveenMistry I know this deep down, I really do, I know he must think nothing or very little of me to treat me like this & see how hurt I am and still continue to do it. But my thinking is so clouded just now because I can't see me being without him. I thought I was a strong person until this happened, now I've realised I'm not strong at allZ

I think you’ve received some really good advice so far. How old is your daughter? Are you keeping busy during the day? Days can be very, very long if you aren’t working and allows for an awful lot of thinking time. Assuming you aren’t working, could you start setting yourself a routine/structure to fill up your days more and something to focus on?