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Original poster

Sex... married mum's how much you having?

46 replies

JC2021 · 04/07/2021 17:20

Since lockdown it's definitely gone even more downhill for us and there is tension because of it..

Since having our son things have been difficult and we've had a difficult ride with it from the start.. husband isn't satisfied or happy with the amount of sex were having..

What would you say is your new normal since having a kid or kids??

We're both shattered most evenings and rarely get time for just us..

OP posts:
InsideNumberNine · 04/07/2021 17:36

Once a month. Always when I'm ovulating (we're not TTC but it's the only time I want it!). Not ideal but when we do have it, it's always good - quality over quantity 😂

Vetyveriohohoh · 04/07/2021 17:53

Couple of times a week

AdjustableAssholeSettings · 04/07/2021 17:57

I think I'd struggle to remember where everything goes at this point tbh.

grey12 · 04/07/2021 18:00

3 kids including a baby. Maybe once a week, maybe less

Would be nice to go back to twice Smile need some surgery though...... hopefully August Grin

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 04/07/2021 18:00

We aim for every 2 weeks but don’t quite manage it. Probably more like every 3-4 weeks in reality (and not at all now as I’m 6 weeks postpartum). The actual number doesn’t really matter though. If one of you isn’t content with the frequency, you should probably talk about ways to compromise and/or get more creative and/or find other ways to connect. (Though I will admit that I do not practice what I preach!)

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 04/07/2021 18:02

It doesn’t really matter how much everyone else is having. Some will be every day. Others not for years. What matters is how you negotiate different libidos within your own marriage.

If he’s huffy or pushy about it, he gets no sympathy as that’s not going to make anyone want sex. If he wants to talk about how to reconnect with each other, is respectful of you and your body, is pulling his weight at home and with the baby, maybe then you can talk about ways to make sure he’s happy even when you’re not in the mood (ie BJ or handy). You should never have sex you don’t want, but often even if you’re tired, you can be persuaded if the mood is right - is he willing to help you feel more like it by making himself a more attractive proposition?! And I don’t mean physically, but emotionally making you feel loved and secure, supported and relaxed.

IeatPotNoodles · 04/07/2021 19:19

I'm pregnant at the moment and I am worried about this aspect of our relationship when our LO arrives.
There's been a decline since about month 3/4 of pregnancy, DP is concerned he may hurt the baby or me with positions etc. I'm happy to wait if I know we can get things back on track again once the baby has arrived and we've established our new "normal".
I was a bit upset about it a couple of weeks ago because I told him I didn't want to lose the intimacy of our relationship, so if he didn't want to have sex then he just had to make more effort in general to make me feel loved, attractive etc and he has done that. So I'm feeling much better and therefore putting less pressure on him to feel wanted by bugging for sex! We're currently only having it like once a week, but I'd like to get it back up to 3/4 a week in time.
Hope your situation improves in a way that suits you both Smile

OhRene · 04/07/2021 20:18

Been married 7 years, together 17. Got 3 kids. DH just had a vasectomy a couple of months back. It's been so long that I wouldn't be surprised to find that my hymen has grown back!!! Angry

But seriously, it's been forever.
I decided to stop initiating a while back. Unless I'm all over him like a cat in heat it doesn't happen and one day I got sick of trying and feeling like it's only me who bothers.

Turns out, it's only me who bothers. 🤷

Elginite · 04/07/2021 20:21

Twice in 18 months since second was born 😂. Crucial thing is we’ve talked about it, we’re on the same page - would both like more, but f*cking knackered and DH working away makes things tricky. I assume we’ll get back on the horse, so to speak, at some point!!

PullingHairEverywhere · 04/07/2021 21:09

Twice a week - 2 DC’s aged 6 and 9. Sometimes once , some times 3 times. Life is busy with children and we both work full time. Pregnancy we barley did it at all

trevthecat · 04/07/2021 21:18

3 kids, dh works away and only home weekends, usually twice a week.

Walkingalone21 · 04/07/2021 21:21

I’m shocked reading this. I suppose I have never asked anyone this question to know the answer. 😂
We have been together 17 years with 2DC and it’s usually about 6 times a week. Sometimes more depending.

Original poster
JC2021 · 04/07/2021 21:47

@MarkRuffaloCrumble love this answer 🙏 thanks for your reply xx

OP posts:
BrownEyedGirl80 · 04/07/2021 21:54

We have ds 7.Dh is working away Mon to Fri at the moment so we get a couple of shags in at the weekend and naybe some oral if we're feeling indulgent!

TheSaucepanMan · 04/07/2021 22:00

@Walkingalone21

I’m shocked reading this. I suppose I have never asked anyone this question to know the answer. 😂 We have been together 17 years with 2DC and it’s usually about 6 times a week. Sometimes more depending.
Shocked or just smug?
Notajogger · 04/07/2021 22:07

Twice since DC came along about a year and a half ago. We're both shattered all the time and DC is a light (and rubbish) sleeper.

But as pp said, it doesn't matter one jot what other people are doing, that has no bearing on you and your relationship at all, all that matters is what you both want.

Vodkabulary · 04/07/2021 22:13

Don’t keep count but on average 4-5 times a week (3 kids between 1-10 ) but then also there are times when I’ve had a migraine attack it’s been 0 for a week or two until I recover

buddy79 · 04/07/2021 22:15

We’ve had real ups and downs (no pun intended!) since dc. After DC1 we didn’t for months… too knackered and my body just felt awful. But like pp we did talk about it, both wanted things to change, and once were less tired made effort to get things back on track. Similar happened after dc2. He’s now a toddler, sleeping well, I feel much better about my body now managing a bit of exercise again and our sex life feels really good at the moment - 2/3 times a week and lots of talking. It’s been a process but ultimately has actually brought us closer.

FuckingFabulous · 04/07/2021 22:15

Probably averages out to three times a week

HaNNaHC92 · 04/07/2021 22:15

I'm currently 7 weeks post partum after having baby no.3 so haven't don't it in around 8ish weeks. But prior to giving birth it was generally every 7-10 days. I'm guessing when I feel ready and interested (lack of sleep & the terrible threes tantrums continously are an absolute sex killer) it'll go back to being the timescale we've had since having baby no.1. I'm happy with that and definitely don't crave it any more and could happily go for a longer time frame than above too.

FuckUcuntychops · 04/07/2021 22:16

We don’t keep count. Just when it takes our fancy I suppose. Sometimes that’s quite a bit other times not so much.

dryasaboner · 04/07/2021 22:23

@OhRene

Been married 7 years, together 17. Got 3 kids. DH just had a vasectomy a couple of months back. It's been so long that I wouldn't be surprised to find that my hymen has grown back!!! Angry

But seriously, it's been forever.
I decided to stop initiating a while back. Unless I'm all over him like a cat in heat it doesn't happen and one day I got sick of trying and feeling like it's only me who bothers.

Turns out, it's only me who bothers. 🤷

Same here
grey12 · 04/07/2021 22:34

@IeatPotNoodles

I'm pregnant at the moment and I am worried about this aspect of our relationship when our LO arrives. There's been a decline since about month 3/4 of pregnancy, DP is concerned he may hurt the baby or me with positions etc. I'm happy to wait if I know we can get things back on track again once the baby has arrived and we've established our new "normal". I was a bit upset about it a couple of weeks ago because I told him I didn't want to lose the intimacy of our relationship, so if he didn't want to have sex then he just had to make more effort in general to make me feel loved, attractive etc and he has done that. So I'm feeling much better and therefore putting less pressure on him to feel wanted by bugging for sex! We're currently only having it like once a week, but I'd like to get it back up to 3/4 a week in time. Hope your situation improves in a way that suits you both Smile
You need to explain to your partner that he doesn't get even close to the baby no matter how well endowed he is

Actually pregnant sex was the best Grin bring back pregnancy hormones (but without the pregnancy....)

cookiecreampie · 04/07/2021 23:07

4 or 5 times a week. Used to be daily but sometimes I'm too tired.

RosieLeaLovesTea · 04/07/2021 23:27

DCs are 7 and almost 5. We are now back in the groove of twice a week. One is usually during the day while working at home while DC at school and preschool. I am so much more relaxed when I know the kids are not in the house!