Just been dumped

[Poppies23]

So this morning my long distance partner of 3 years in his mid 50s dumped me by text.
I feel strangely calm but could see it coming....lately he called me boring for not wanting to engage in his porn addiction and has constantly accused me of having someone else. We had a disagreement yesterday where I had been out with friends and he wanted to know where I had slept (he knew that I had arrived home safely) and didn’t like that I called him out on it.

So it’s for the best but I’m going to struggle not to contact him,

What’s made it worse is that my DC are away with dad for a week and I was meant to be spending the week with him as from tomorrow.

If you can't sleep, can I suggest listening to some binaural beats to beat anxiety on youtube. Sounds a bit wooooo as they say on mumsnet but I have fallen asleep more easily listening to this type of thing.

I like Michael Sealy, Jason Stephensem, Mind Body Unity - all have good meditations to fall asleep too.

@Poppies23

I’ll just settle for blocking seeing as I’ve also been unfriended on fb

Why not delete his number?

I have deleted his number and blocked but unfortunately I know it off by heart. I didn’t need his number for Facebook though as he was already there. But he unfriended me before I had thought of unfriending him. And probably because I had deliberately posted things to show I was just getting on with my day, meeting friends etc rather than moping around. 😏

What a tosser he is.
You had a lucky escape.

Yeah he gave me a story about how he and his children had fallen out during his split from his wife but I’ve often thought there must be more to it.

Why would they fall put with him during the split with their mum unless they thought he'd acted very badly?

Children Inc adults stay in contact with and try to maintain relationships with their fathers during splits every day of the week.

They must have thought his behaviour before or during was abominable.

But he unfriended me before I had thought of unfriending him

Immature too.

How hard it must've on him ending a relationship with a woman who wouldn't have sex with her friends at his suggestion for his titillation and no doubt direct gratification if he got his wish, and wouldn't swing for his gratification even though she didn't want to. He seems to see women as objects, and tools to get more and varied sex ("maybe u can fuck her friends too if I can talk her into threesomes with them, I can present myself as a couple with her to get to fuck other women in swinging circles".

Must be devastating for him to end relationships .

@Poppies23

I’m already finding it difficult! My heart feels like it’s going to come out of my chest but I’ve got to keep reminding myself that he was a shit and I’m worth more!

Just remember, next time, set your bar a LOT higher.

Now block

*direct gratification if he got his wish of being included sooner or later, which was no doubt what he was angling for.

Even the thought of it shows how porn sick he is ... Like the vast vast majority of hetero women have zero interest in having sexual contact with their friends, would turn our stomachs even thinking about it ...meanwhile he's in porno la la land where every connection with anyone can turn into sex.

Dont be surprised if he reappears. He could host have dumped you in the hope that you would beg for him back. Or be willing to accept more shit from him when he does come back. These sorts dont tend to just give up a victim. I'm betting he will be back.

He will probably shit himself when he realises you've blocked him. You were supposed to be sat about heartbroken that he deleted you off fb.

Be careful! Keep the bastard blocked no matter what.

Go enjoy your hotel days! Dont answer any calls from unknown numbers. Or be goaded into any messages to talk. He is a shit and you dont owe him shit.

Onwards and upwards!

*just have

he would make suggestive comments about my friends and how he would like to see me have sex with them

This is so gross.
He's definitely blocked you because you're meant to be home crying, not getting on with life & being relieved to be free of this porn-addled man.

I hope you got some sleep. It's bound to hurt, despite him being awful, but if you stay with him, you're not giving yourself chance to find a normal, loving relationship without jealousy & weird perving on your mates.

My advice for what it's worth.

Never speak to him again
Never have email/text/social media contact again
Get rid of any 'mementoes' - gifts, cards, anything , now
Stop yourself thinking about him. You can do this. Go out fir a walk- anywhere. Read a magazine or a book, watch tv, talk to a friend, bake a cake, cook something else, anything

Within a week you will feel hugely better.

Never look back on him in any way. You deserve much, much better.

I'd like to add that when men are so sex and porn obsessed/focussed , they rarely entireily avoid the sex industry.

So I would not be one bit surprised if he's been involved or will be in using sex workers at some level.

Thailand is also a major sex tourism destination and I think it's significant given his priorities in life that yes mentioned it.

Well I've got him blocked and I've checked into a hotel for a couple of nights with a book, Netflix and some wine. I had a rubbish sleep last night but I'm currently lying on a very comfy bed so hopefully tonight will be better.

Enjoy the hotel!

We call those "pervy fuckers" in our neck of the woods.

Enjoy the hotel!!