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Original poster

Should I make him move out, even if he has no money?

45 replies

hert2020 · 03/07/2021 23:35

Hi! I’m hoping to get some non sentimental perspective!

I had a baby with my partner nine months ago! Before the birth id put a savings plan in place for us both, so I could take six months unpaid leave (my company luckily pays me six months)! After the birth my partner started drinking heavily and has only managed to put in one months savings! It has been down to me to find the rest of the money, which I have scrimped and saved to do! And aside from rent bills abs food my partner has put nothing else towards the baby! I am very angry and resentful about his behaviour and it has led to the breakdown of our relationship! He has stopped drinking for two weeks and it has greatly improved things, he is helping out more and being a bit more respectful! He even put the deposit for the nursery in my account! I was so happy and surprised, until I found out he took a loan to get the money! He is now paying nearly £500 a month In debt! I asked him to cancel the loan but he wouldn’t! He now has very little disposable income and when he needs to pay for nursery he will have around £150 left a month! Our relationship has broken down but he can’t afford to move out! He’s asked me to move into my parents free flat two hours away but I’m resentful that I have to uproot the network of friends and support my baby and I have made because he can’t afford a place of his own! He would also expect me to pay half of the rent too! The only solution is to stay living together in our tiny two bed house! It can be a fairly toxic environment and neither of us want to be living together! However I feel really horrible making him move out when he has nowhere to go (his parents live abroad and apparently not one of his siblings or uncles can have him to stay)! Should I just move to that flat? Again, am I allowed to feel
Pissed off that it will be me having to make all the effort because he can’t get his life together? I’m so confused and hoping you guys/girls can offer some straight talking advice (ps sorry for rambling post, I hope it makes sense)

OP posts:
Shylo · 03/07/2021 23:39

His debt is not your problem and if you’re going alone having a support network around you can make all the difference in my experience so I wouldn’t move away ..... and even if I did I wouldn’t be paying half his rent

No time for sentimentality in my opinion, kick him out - he will find somewhere to live, they always do

Good luck Flowers

pog100 · 03/07/2021 23:41

What's the legal situation with the flat you are in? Whose name is it in. Can you afford to pay the whole rent on your own? Depending on the answer to these, you need to make a plan as to how your are going to live alone with your child, then work towards it. It's pretty clear this relationship is broken and not worth salvaging, so you need a clear and feasible plan. Moving two hours away, away from all your support, while you pay for his living expenses/rent is NOT a feasible plan. He must think you are mad.

dieblauenStrumpfhosen · 03/07/2021 23:42

This free flat sounds financially advantageous. I'd be tempted to get rid of him in the easiest way possible and get yourself in the position of being able to buy yourself.

Regarding him, it depends if he has a safety net. If he has literally nobody and no money, I wouldn't think it was wise to impoverish the father of your child. It's an easy step to homelessness and that could take years to resolve under our current government.

I don't envy you, I have to say. What a rotten situation to be in.

spotcheck · 03/07/2021 23:42

Yes!!!
Ask him to move out!!!! Even if he has no money!!!

MimiDaisy11 · 03/07/2021 23:42

It seems impractical to pay half his rent. I’d give him a timeline for when he has to move out. That should motivate him to look for a place

o8T8o · 03/07/2021 23:43

OMG, I can't believe this is real he's like a millstone around your neck 😳
I can't believe anyone could be that bad in real life 😳

o8T8o · 03/07/2021 23:47

his parents live abroad and apparently not one of his siblings or uncles can have him to stay all the family know he's a freeloading piece of shit and refuse to have anything to do with him?

Original poster
hert2020 · 03/07/2021 23:49

@o8T8o oh they have every sympathy for him! Hi mother said how can I expect him to pay more when he has nothing!

OP posts:
Lakeshore6 · 03/07/2021 23:51

Who does the house belong to

Notaroadrunner · 03/07/2021 23:55

I cannot believe you are contemplating moving to the free flat and continuing to pay rent for him at your current home. Tell him to leave. You are not responsible for his fuck ups. Its very telling that his own relatives won't have him to stay.

o8T8o · 03/07/2021 23:55

It might be better to try and be gentle about things so as not to make yourself a target if he has difficulties in the future but really you need a plan to get him off your back PDQ because he sounds like pretty bad news.
Is there a way to strategically shrug him off without him really realising it?

RandomMess · 04/07/2021 00:00

Can you arrange to transfer the rental property into your sole name?

He can go rent a room in a shared house likely for less than half the rent + utility bills on you house!

Lottielovescake · 04/07/2021 00:02

I would be leaving ASAP for the flat and letting him fend for himself. He’s a grown adult - you have a baby to provide for now.

o8T8o · 04/07/2021 00:06

refusing to act like an adult at the time when a decent person would instinctively step up, I would find it very hard to care about him after he just ducked out like that. However the fact that he wants to leave the work to you means that you have the opportunity to engineer everything to YOUR advantage

EL8888 · 04/07/2021 00:07

He needs to go. Why is it your problem he has no money?! He’s a grown nan FFS.

EL8888 · 04/07/2021 00:07

Err man rather!

o8T8o · 04/07/2021 00:08

Is there a way to leave him in the flat so that he is liable for everything going forward, make sure that you're completely financially separate from him. He might be grateful in the short-term and that will keep him quiet for awhile and buy you time to create as much distance as possible between you, build a separate life for yourself etc.

1000glitterydicks · 04/07/2021 00:10

Stop putting exclamation marks at the end of every sentence. It makes it very hard to read.

IhateeverythingaboutMN · 04/07/2021 00:13

Leave.

BUT DO NOT PAY HALF Of HIS RENT.

Contact the landlord and tell them to
remove your nname from the tennancy.

Also contact the council and get your name taken off the council tax.

o8T8o · 04/07/2021 00:13

Wut up, who called the punctuation police🚨

user432543424532 · 04/07/2021 00:20

@o8T8o

Wut up, who called the punctuation police🚨
It does make it hard to read. A massive wall of text without a single full stop. Just a series of disjointed exclamations instead of any kind of structure.

Nobody talks solely in exclamations.

If people want help and advice then it is useful if they set things out in a way in which people can actually make sense of it.

o8T8o · 04/07/2021 00:24

A massive wall of text
I also dislike the massive wall of text, but that one was just a longish paragrah....surely🤔

o8T8o · 04/07/2021 00:25

op is in a very stressful situation and slightly ranting stream-of-consciousness flavour of her post is surely to be expected?

AnotherKrampus · 04/07/2021 02:38

Do not pay half the rent for a place you do not live in. He can doss anywhere, you have a baby that is a top priority.

arcof · 04/07/2021 02:47

The absolute most you could do for him is advise him to write down his income and expenses and point him in direction of Step Change or similar so they can help him with a debt management plan. The rest is up to him. He's grown up and needs to fend for himself.

He can find a room in a house share that he should be able to afford if he's paying half bills right now at your place. As others have said he's not your problem. If you really want him out fast you could find such a place/room and push him in the right direction, as sadly if you don't he may still be there months from now. You shouldn't have to do this of course.

Now, he will potentially want some custody however so that's the only way in which his living arrangements matter to you.